over me; I was drowning. She was glowing, and I was the dark cloth, covering her and her dreams.
“You deserve so much more than anything I can give you right now,” I told her.
“I can stay in Boston,” she sniffled, “I promise, I’ll stay! We can still talk and make this work! I’ll do whatever you want. Please…” her voice cracked.
I closed my eyes and rested my chin on her head.
“And then what? You have a boyfriend that you don’t see? That can’t take you on a date? That isn’t even in school?”
“I don’t care about that,” she responded, her shoulders slumped.
Of course. She’s the only girl I know that puts herself second to anyone else.
I broke free of her grasp and hit my chest with my fist. “I do!” I yelled. “I care that I’m going to hold you back because I don’t have my shit together!”
“But I want to be with you,” she said, her voice jumbled from crying. I took a step forward to hold her in my arms.
“So do I, babe,” I said in a softer voice and stroked her hair.
I could feel her head turn on my chest. “No, you don’t.” She pulled away and wiped her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. “Admit it. You just don’t want me .”
My heart was sore and it fell down the hole in my body. “I’ll never want anyone more,” I said quietly and held out my hand to her. She didn’t take it. Instead, she glanced at it, and her face scrunched up as new tears kept rolling out of her.
I grabbed her waist and pulled her to me.
This was the right thing to do. I knew it was what she deserved. She turned away and covered her face with her hands. I wasn’t looking into her eyes, but I could feel the pain that was pouring out as her shoulders shook with each sob. I ran my hands through my hair and pulled hard, waiting for pain, but there wasn’t any. I was numb on the outside too.
I dropped my hands to my sides, defeated, and walked up behind her. A weight of responsibility stomped on me and I could barely stand up. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her toward me so her back touched my chest. I tugged down on the collar of her shirt and kissed her neck. Her teardrops fell on the wooden floor.
“Loving you is easy, Peach. It’s everything else I need to figure out. Let me be a better man for you.” I leaned my head over her ear and whispered, “I promise I will.”
She wiped at her eyes and turned around, and I knew that I had broken her heart. I held her tight. I didn’t think I ever would, but there I was, scum for breaking her loving heart.
I just wanted her to believe me. I hoped she believed that this was breaking me too.
“It’s fine, Dre. I’ll be fine.” She sniffed.
I held her face and cleaned up her salty tears with my thumbs. “You believe me, Peach, right? That I love you?”
She didn’t look at me and stayed quiet. I turned around and walked toward the window, placing my hands on the glass. I watched as the sun hovered above the houses behind ours. This day would soon be over.
I slammed my palms on the window. “What do you want from me?” I turned around to face her and rested my back on the glass behind me. “I’m trying to be better. I’m trying to be what you need!” I yelled, not caring. She has to understand. She stood still and stared at me with a blank expression. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and her nose was pink from crying as her beautiful lips pulled in a tight line. Her silence was deafening.
“Just wait for me, Peach … wait for me.” What was I asking her, exactly? To wait, but for what ? A girl like her wasn’t going to wait long. I thought about all the guys that would ask her out, fall in love with her, fuck her. I twisted my body and punched the wall hard, making a deep hole. I was angry at her, at cancer, and myself. If only I wouldn’t have wasted any time. Now I had to concentrate on getting out of this mess as quickly as possible so I could get her back.
She came up behind me and
“You deserve so much more than anything I can give you right now,” I told her.
“I can stay in Boston,” she sniffled, “I promise, I’ll stay! We can still talk and make this work! I’ll do whatever you want. Please…” her voice cracked.
I closed my eyes and rested my chin on her head.
“And then what? You have a boyfriend that you don’t see? That can’t take you on a date? That isn’t even in school?”
“I don’t care about that,” she responded, her shoulders slumped.
Of course. She’s the only girl I know that puts herself second to anyone else.
I broke free of her grasp and hit my chest with my fist. “I do!” I yelled. “I care that I’m going to hold you back because I don’t have my shit together!”
“But I want to be with you,” she said, her voice jumbled from crying. I took a step forward to hold her in my arms.
“So do I, babe,” I said in a softer voice and stroked her hair.
I could feel her head turn on my chest. “No, you don’t.” She pulled away and wiped her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. “Admit it. You just don’t want me .”
My heart was sore and it fell down the hole in my body. “I’ll never want anyone more,” I said quietly and held out my hand to her. She didn’t take it. Instead, she glanced at it, and her face scrunched up as new tears kept rolling out of her.
I grabbed her waist and pulled her to me.
This was the right thing to do. I knew it was what she deserved. She turned away and covered her face with her hands. I wasn’t looking into her eyes, but I could feel the pain that was pouring out as her shoulders shook with each sob. I ran my hands through my hair and pulled hard, waiting for pain, but there wasn’t any. I was numb on the outside too.
I dropped my hands to my sides, defeated, and walked up behind her. A weight of responsibility stomped on me and I could barely stand up. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her toward me so her back touched my chest. I tugged down on the collar of her shirt and kissed her neck. Her teardrops fell on the wooden floor.
“Loving you is easy, Peach. It’s everything else I need to figure out. Let me be a better man for you.” I leaned my head over her ear and whispered, “I promise I will.”
She wiped at her eyes and turned around, and I knew that I had broken her heart. I held her tight. I didn’t think I ever would, but there I was, scum for breaking her loving heart.
I just wanted her to believe me. I hoped she believed that this was breaking me too.
“It’s fine, Dre. I’ll be fine.” She sniffed.
I held her face and cleaned up her salty tears with my thumbs. “You believe me, Peach, right? That I love you?”
She didn’t look at me and stayed quiet. I turned around and walked toward the window, placing my hands on the glass. I watched as the sun hovered above the houses behind ours. This day would soon be over.
I slammed my palms on the window. “What do you want from me?” I turned around to face her and rested my back on the glass behind me. “I’m trying to be better. I’m trying to be what you need!” I yelled, not caring. She has to understand. She stood still and stared at me with a blank expression. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and her nose was pink from crying as her beautiful lips pulled in a tight line. Her silence was deafening.
“Just wait for me, Peach … wait for me.” What was I asking her, exactly? To wait, but for what ? A girl like her wasn’t going to wait long. I thought about all the guys that would ask her out, fall in love with her, fuck her. I twisted my body and punched the wall hard, making a deep hole. I was angry at her, at cancer, and myself. If only I wouldn’t have wasted any time. Now I had to concentrate on getting out of this mess as quickly as possible so I could get her back.
She came up behind me and
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