Rena's Promise by Heather Dune Macadam, Rena Kornreich Gelissen Page A

further.
Danka squeezes my hand. "He'll be okay, won't he?"
"I hope so."
The next few days we hoard our bread jealously so that whenever we see Tolek we can throw him an extra portion. Then he stops coming to the fence.

On our fourth Sunday in camp they shave us again. We had secretly hoped they would let us grow our hair back, but after the weeks of itching stubble it is shaved off again. Between the lice, the bedbugs, and the hair, there is always a nagging prickle some-

     

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where on our bodies. I long for order and neatness, any way to feel better and not so filthy.
More Poles have arrived. Some are Gentiles and put in separate blocks from us Jews. They are better than us. Some of the Jews are from the ghettos in Krakow. There is one young girl called Janka whom we all cherish. She is just fourteen but had the guts to lie about her age on the train platform. For one so young and pretty, it is hard to believe she is also so streetwise. Her young life has been war and the ghetto, and I think she can be ruthless, but then Auschwitz is a good place to learn to be ruthless. Janka is a rare bird. She loves to flirt with the men and they give up many portions of bread for her smile and because she has news of home, and perhaps because she reminds them of their own daughters.
Our kapo, Emma, is brunette. She pulls her hair back tight against her head and wears a babushka. She is taller than most of us. Her friend Erika has blond curly hair and a pretty round face. She is slim and of medium height. Our blocks go from Five to Ten. Emma, Erika, all of the kapos live in different blocks but they are in camp with us. Only the SS live outside of the electric fences.
I haven't seen Tolek in quite a while and am worried about him. It is dusk, time to be going into the blocks, time to be getting to sleep soon so we have energy for tomorrow, but I scan the men's camp for our friend's face.
Erika walks by and then turns back. "You want to come and see our block?" she asks me. I am startled but do not show surprise. This seems like a strange offer.
"I'm not allowed. I'm Jewish." I tell her.
"Yah, of course you're Jewish or you'd be living in my block, but come see it anyway. I'll take the responsibility."
Sure, I think, you'll take the responsibility, but I'll take the beating if we get caught. The sun glows red on our faces as I follow her lengthening shadow.
She opens the door for me and I step into a world of neatly made

     

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beds and rooms where there are sheets and pillows. There is a blanket that looks thick and warm. How I'd love to have a blanket like Erika's.
''Have you ever loved a woman?" she asks me.
I come out of my revery. "Of course. I love my mama and my sister, who is here with me."
Erika smiles benignly. "Would you like to sleep here tonight?"
"Oh, no. I'd be terrified! My sister would worry, too. It's not fair that I should get to sleep on cotton sheets while she has straw." Then, fearing that I have been rude, I quickly apologize. "Thanks for asking, anyway. I can't leave my sister even if staying here meant having a good night's sleep and being warm."
Erika laughs. "You go back to your block. You're not ready for this." She leads me toward the door. "Here." She slips me an extra portion of bread. I take it quickly, not understanding why she would offer me such a nicety, not comprehending anything that has just happened. The light from the kapos' block illuminates the ground and then is severed as Erika shuts the door. I disappear into the closing night.
In our block I split the extra piece of bread with Danka. The crisp, clean whiteness of the sheets in the kapos' block haunts me. I cannot bear to think about the filth I wear, the conditions in which we are kept. Where our hands were once blistered we have grown huge callouses. My chest and legs are always red from bites and the wool rubbing against my skin. I want to scratch and scratch at the dirt on my body until there is nothing left