ability to focus.
Our yawns kept coming more regularly. We decided to call it a draw and put the chess pieces away. Mom had long gone to bed, so I said goodnight to my father and headed upstairs.
I lay still in my bed for quite awhile listening to the sounds outside my window. I was tired but also very tense. The muscles in my neck ached from more than just sitting in one place for too long. Events had been put in motion, and I was deathly afraid of the outcome. More than anything, I didn’t feel worthy of being responsible for what was to come. Hard choices were going to have to be made, and I didn’t feel prepared to face the challenges ahead. I don’t know why, but I suddenly missed Samantha. She and I went to movie after movie together. It was a common bond we shared. We could spend hours talking about movies with each other. When it came to useless movie trivia she knew it all. I thought about Emily too, and how she and I shared a passion for sports and the outdoors. They were as much a part of me as I was a part of them. Did they feel as empty as I did? It was a question that I would never know the answer to.
I could only dream that some miraculous event would take S 74 S
RemembeR me
place in this here and now. I would be whisked back to the exact same moment in the future from when I left. I would even accept it if it was five years down the road. I couldn’t stop myself from thoughts of all the pain and anguish they would be going through. What had they thought when I turned up missing. I could only imagine. My insides told me they would eventually come to the conclusion that I had lost my mind and wandered off. They might be worried I’d suffered a heart attack or brain aneurism. They would search the fields and along the roads for me, praying I wasn’t lying dead in one of them. I doubt kidnapping would ever cross their minds. And when no ransom demand came, I hoped they would continue to believe it had been some kind of foul play, and not think it was a man fearing his fiftieth birthday and then deciding to run away. I couldn’t bear that thought. Amy knew how much I loved her and her kids. It would tear her apart to think I deserted them all. God I needed her…
I turned over onto my side and faced the wall. Shadows
danced across it from the moonlight outside of the window.
I closed my eyes and sought my memories of Amy. I willed her to come to me. I listened for the sound of breathing, her heartbeat. I could feel the closeness of her body, the warmth of her skin as she snuggled into me. I breathed deep the scent of her skin, her hair, fresh from her nightly shower. I tasted her as I kissed her imaginary shoulder. I raised my arm and draped it around her. She took it in both of her hands and snuggled it in tightly to her chest. I felt the rise and fall of her soft breasts as she breathed. I pulled her close, wrapping her ever tighter in my embrace.
“I love you!’
“I love you too,” she responded as she always did and always would—even if it had to be only in my mind and dreams forever more.
S 75 S
Brian L. MacLearn
“God I miss you! I need you so much. I don’t know what
to do.” The silent loneliness of the night was the only reply. I pulled her even closer as a solitary, single tear escaped my eye.
I fell asleep clutching desperately to the memories of what had once been the greatest love of my life.
On Monday, the three of us paced the room like grandparents waiting for news on the birth of their first grandchild. I could speak from experience, just like my parents could. The game couldn’t come fast enough. A half-hour before tip-off, CJ called to let me know the odds weren’t going to be great.
The best he could do for the bet was seven-to-one odds. If we won, after costs, he chuckled at this as he said this; it would leave us roughly thirty-two thousand dollars in profits. To me, whatever I took in was just more seed money for betting in the future. I thanked him for his
Our yawns kept coming more regularly. We decided to call it a draw and put the chess pieces away. Mom had long gone to bed, so I said goodnight to my father and headed upstairs.
I lay still in my bed for quite awhile listening to the sounds outside my window. I was tired but also very tense. The muscles in my neck ached from more than just sitting in one place for too long. Events had been put in motion, and I was deathly afraid of the outcome. More than anything, I didn’t feel worthy of being responsible for what was to come. Hard choices were going to have to be made, and I didn’t feel prepared to face the challenges ahead. I don’t know why, but I suddenly missed Samantha. She and I went to movie after movie together. It was a common bond we shared. We could spend hours talking about movies with each other. When it came to useless movie trivia she knew it all. I thought about Emily too, and how she and I shared a passion for sports and the outdoors. They were as much a part of me as I was a part of them. Did they feel as empty as I did? It was a question that I would never know the answer to.
I could only dream that some miraculous event would take S 74 S
RemembeR me
place in this here and now. I would be whisked back to the exact same moment in the future from when I left. I would even accept it if it was five years down the road. I couldn’t stop myself from thoughts of all the pain and anguish they would be going through. What had they thought when I turned up missing. I could only imagine. My insides told me they would eventually come to the conclusion that I had lost my mind and wandered off. They might be worried I’d suffered a heart attack or brain aneurism. They would search the fields and along the roads for me, praying I wasn’t lying dead in one of them. I doubt kidnapping would ever cross their minds. And when no ransom demand came, I hoped they would continue to believe it had been some kind of foul play, and not think it was a man fearing his fiftieth birthday and then deciding to run away. I couldn’t bear that thought. Amy knew how much I loved her and her kids. It would tear her apart to think I deserted them all. God I needed her…
I turned over onto my side and faced the wall. Shadows
danced across it from the moonlight outside of the window.
I closed my eyes and sought my memories of Amy. I willed her to come to me. I listened for the sound of breathing, her heartbeat. I could feel the closeness of her body, the warmth of her skin as she snuggled into me. I breathed deep the scent of her skin, her hair, fresh from her nightly shower. I tasted her as I kissed her imaginary shoulder. I raised my arm and draped it around her. She took it in both of her hands and snuggled it in tightly to her chest. I felt the rise and fall of her soft breasts as she breathed. I pulled her close, wrapping her ever tighter in my embrace.
“I love you!’
“I love you too,” she responded as she always did and always would—even if it had to be only in my mind and dreams forever more.
S 75 S
Brian L. MacLearn
“God I miss you! I need you so much. I don’t know what
to do.” The silent loneliness of the night was the only reply. I pulled her even closer as a solitary, single tear escaped my eye.
I fell asleep clutching desperately to the memories of what had once been the greatest love of my life.
On Monday, the three of us paced the room like grandparents waiting for news on the birth of their first grandchild. I could speak from experience, just like my parents could. The game couldn’t come fast enough. A half-hour before tip-off, CJ called to let me know the odds weren’t going to be great.
The best he could do for the bet was seven-to-one odds. If we won, after costs, he chuckled at this as he said this; it would leave us roughly thirty-two thousand dollars in profits. To me, whatever I took in was just more seed money for betting in the future. I thanked him for his
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