us in, they chant.
I cain’t keep ’em out no more.
Tracker whines.
Saba? says Auriel. Saba, are y’okay?
She’s holdin my arm, lookin at me. But all I see is myself. Me. Reflected in the dark of her eyeshield. Another Saba. In the darkness. Lookin out at me.
Jest then, a child shrieks. I turn. Slowly, slowly I turn.
A girl teeters atop a loaded wagon. Her playmates stand below. They egg her on to jump. They shout, they promise to catch her. She shouts back. Showin off. Excited to be with other kids.
It’s Emmi, says Auriel. That’s way too high. Emmi! she shouts. Stay there! She starts to run towards ’em.
Suddenly Emmi spots me. Hey, Saba! she yells. Look at me!
Suddenly Epona spots me at the edge of the trees. The world slams to a stop. There ain’t nuthin an nobody else. Jest Epona an me an the sound of my heart.
Beat, beat, beat.
An it all happens slowly. So slow, I can see the blink of her eyelids. I can see her lips move as she takes in a breath.
Emmi beams. She calls. She waves.
Tears blur my sight. I wipe ’em away. I lift my bow. I take aim. Epona smiles. She nods. She starts to run towards me. She throws her arms wide open an lifts up her face. She leaps offa the roof. She soars through the air. Fer one last moment, she’s free.
She flings her arms wide. She leaps.
My hands shake so bad that I cain’t shoot. I don’t shoot her.
Epona falls. Right into the arms of the Tonton below.
Hands reach out. They grab her. Hit her. Pull her down. Bodies surge, closin over her. She disappears.
Hands reach out. They grab at her. Pull her down. Bodies surge, closin over her. She disappears.
No, I says. Then I scream it, NO! An I start to run.
Then I’m there. Grabbin the Tonton by their arms. Throwin ’em off Epona. Then I got her, I saved her, she’s here, she ain’t dead, she’s okay. An I’m pullin her into my arms.
I got you, I says, I got you, Epona, it’s okay, everythin’s gonna be okay. Git away! I yell. Don’t touch her! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I hold her to me. Rock us back an forth. Epona’s weepin.
Shhh, I says. It’s okay. I saved you, I saved you, I didn’t kill you.
Saba, she sobs. Saba, what’s wrong with you?
Epona. Epona . . . no . . . Emmi. Emmi’s voice. Emmi, I . . . I’m holdin Emmi. Her face twisted with fear, streaked with tears.
We was playin Saba an the Tonton, she whispers. I was bein you.
Slowly, my arms loosen around her. She scrambles to her feet. I raise my head. People all around. Shocked faces. Eyes starin at me. The kids Emmi was playin with. Kids, not Tonton. A couple of ’em cryin. One’s nursin his arm, cries out when somebody tries to see what’s wrong. Did I do that? Lilith. Meg. Tommo. Lugh, with Emmi clingin to him, her face buried in his side. Auriel. Tracker. Everybody lookin at me.
Nero flutters down to land beside me. Auriel comes over. She holds out her hand. I take it an she helps me to my feet. She takes off her eyeshield an looks at me. The shaman with the wolfdog eyes.
I can banish the dead, she says. Prepare you fer what lies ahead.
I’m ready, I says.
Auriel puts up the vision lodge. It’s a special tent that her grandfather used fer many years, set atop a firepit that she gits Lugh an Tommo to dig.
She burns sage leaves an sprinkles herb water to purify the lodge. She lights a fire in the pit. It burns down till the rocks piled in the centre glow red-hot. She brews a cactus tea. She puts two water-filled buckets with dippers next to the fire. An one empty basin. She ties seed rattles around her wrists an ankles. Brings her shaman’s drum.
Lugh was fixed on bein nearby, in case I need him. He insisted. He argued. But what happens inside the vision lodge ain’t fer nobody to know but me an Auriel. They ain’t to listen or come in or interrupt, no matter what. So I says farewell to everybody. Him an Tommo an Emmi. Tracker an Nero too.
An it feels
I cain’t keep ’em out no more.
Tracker whines.
Saba? says Auriel. Saba, are y’okay?
She’s holdin my arm, lookin at me. But all I see is myself. Me. Reflected in the dark of her eyeshield. Another Saba. In the darkness. Lookin out at me.
Jest then, a child shrieks. I turn. Slowly, slowly I turn.
A girl teeters atop a loaded wagon. Her playmates stand below. They egg her on to jump. They shout, they promise to catch her. She shouts back. Showin off. Excited to be with other kids.
It’s Emmi, says Auriel. That’s way too high. Emmi! she shouts. Stay there! She starts to run towards ’em.
Suddenly Emmi spots me. Hey, Saba! she yells. Look at me!
Suddenly Epona spots me at the edge of the trees. The world slams to a stop. There ain’t nuthin an nobody else. Jest Epona an me an the sound of my heart.
Beat, beat, beat.
An it all happens slowly. So slow, I can see the blink of her eyelids. I can see her lips move as she takes in a breath.
Emmi beams. She calls. She waves.
Tears blur my sight. I wipe ’em away. I lift my bow. I take aim. Epona smiles. She nods. She starts to run towards me. She throws her arms wide open an lifts up her face. She leaps offa the roof. She soars through the air. Fer one last moment, she’s free.
She flings her arms wide. She leaps.
My hands shake so bad that I cain’t shoot. I don’t shoot her.
Epona falls. Right into the arms of the Tonton below.
Hands reach out. They grab her. Hit her. Pull her down. Bodies surge, closin over her. She disappears.
Hands reach out. They grab at her. Pull her down. Bodies surge, closin over her. She disappears.
No, I says. Then I scream it, NO! An I start to run.
Then I’m there. Grabbin the Tonton by their arms. Throwin ’em off Epona. Then I got her, I saved her, she’s here, she ain’t dead, she’s okay. An I’m pullin her into my arms.
I got you, I says, I got you, Epona, it’s okay, everythin’s gonna be okay. Git away! I yell. Don’t touch her! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I hold her to me. Rock us back an forth. Epona’s weepin.
Shhh, I says. It’s okay. I saved you, I saved you, I didn’t kill you.
Saba, she sobs. Saba, what’s wrong with you?
Epona. Epona . . . no . . . Emmi. Emmi’s voice. Emmi, I . . . I’m holdin Emmi. Her face twisted with fear, streaked with tears.
We was playin Saba an the Tonton, she whispers. I was bein you.
Slowly, my arms loosen around her. She scrambles to her feet. I raise my head. People all around. Shocked faces. Eyes starin at me. The kids Emmi was playin with. Kids, not Tonton. A couple of ’em cryin. One’s nursin his arm, cries out when somebody tries to see what’s wrong. Did I do that? Lilith. Meg. Tommo. Lugh, with Emmi clingin to him, her face buried in his side. Auriel. Tracker. Everybody lookin at me.
Nero flutters down to land beside me. Auriel comes over. She holds out her hand. I take it an she helps me to my feet. She takes off her eyeshield an looks at me. The shaman with the wolfdog eyes.
I can banish the dead, she says. Prepare you fer what lies ahead.
I’m ready, I says.
Auriel puts up the vision lodge. It’s a special tent that her grandfather used fer many years, set atop a firepit that she gits Lugh an Tommo to dig.
She burns sage leaves an sprinkles herb water to purify the lodge. She lights a fire in the pit. It burns down till the rocks piled in the centre glow red-hot. She brews a cactus tea. She puts two water-filled buckets with dippers next to the fire. An one empty basin. She ties seed rattles around her wrists an ankles. Brings her shaman’s drum.
Lugh was fixed on bein nearby, in case I need him. He insisted. He argued. But what happens inside the vision lodge ain’t fer nobody to know but me an Auriel. They ain’t to listen or come in or interrupt, no matter what. So I says farewell to everybody. Him an Tommo an Emmi. Tracker an Nero too.
An it feels
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