Rachel's Folly by Monica Bruno Page B

pull myself together.” There was a long pause. “She’s gone….” His voice trailed off.
    Ben closed his eyes and lowered his head. His voice dropped an octave. “I’m in Aruba. Let me see how I can get out of here. There’s bound to be an airport. Does Jacob know?”
    “No. He thinks she’s on a trip.”
    “Does my mother know?”
    “Not yet. I’ve been trying to get the nerve up all morning. I’m going to call her as soon as I get off the phone with you.”
    After another pause Ben asked, “Do you want me to do it?”
    “No, it’s better me than you,” Edward said quietly.
    Ben knew he was probably right. “Alright, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
    Ben cut the connection and stared at the receiver in his hand for a full minute before hanging up the phone. “Oh my God,” he said out loud to the empty room. The image of Rachel holding Jacob in her arms at the airport right before he left Austin appeared in his mind. Confused, in a daze, he sat there in silence on the small bed with the unopened bottle of aspirin still in one hand, asking himself what the hell had just happened.
    * * *
    Ben was able to catch a flight to Atlanta that evening, but he had to spend the night at a hotel adjacent to the airport once he got there. The next morning the security lines were longer than usual and slow going, packed with passengers traveling for Thanksgiving.
    Ben traveled frequently for work and for pleasure. He was naturally a social person and usually enjoyed his time at airports and on planes. He had met many interesting people over the years and even made a couple of friends along the way. But today, he felt like he was walking through a bubble. He was numb and completely disconnected amidst the excited crowds of people venturing home to be with their families for the holiday. Edward’s words haunted his thoughts. Rachel’s gone, Ben . But how? Why? Ben had always felt like he and Rachel were part of the same whole, as if they were bookends on a shelf, each holding up their own versions of the same story. Now she was gone and he felt incomplete. He tried in vain to recall the last time he told her he loved her. He remembered when, as a teenager, he had come out to Rachel.
    “Oh, Ben,” she had said with a warm smile. “I’ve known you were gay probably even before you realized it. I don’t care about that. You’re still my brother.”
    He couldn’t help but grab her and give her a big hug. He had told her then how much he loved her. He remembered walking her down the aisle to marry Edward. She looked so incredibly beautiful. He thought he had winked at her and mouthed the words, “I love you,” right before she took Edward’s arm, but he wasn’t sure. He might have only thought it. Was that the last time? He couldn’t remember.
    He knew he should call his mother, but she was the last person he wanted to talk to. He stood on standby for more than three hours and managed to get on a plane to Austin before noon. He should have been grateful he was able to get any flight at this time of year and on such short notice, but under the circumstances, he just felt a mixture of anger, sadness and confusion.
    He searched for his seat, then struggled to squeeze his hefty body by his fellow passengers and over to the window. Sitting down, his knees nearly touched the seat in front of him. He felt claustrophobic, physically and emotionally. He needed a drink. Badly.
    Once the plane was in the air, he asked the steward for a rum and Coke. Ignoring the disturbed look of the woman sitting next to him, he stared out the small airplane window. His thoughts stuck on the last time he saw his sister. He simply couldn’t believe she had been so depressed that she’d taken her life. He had been through his own bouts with depression a few times as an adult and knew all too well how debilitating it could be. But as hard as it was, and though he had also occasionally contemplated suicide, he knew he could never actually