punches and countless hateful words that had come before it. Sometimes Quinn still had nightmares about that night.
"God, Quinn." Josh looked up, his eyes pained. "Didn't anyone try to help you?"
"Not until he died. I was good at hiding things." He still was, when he had to be. "Anyway, I got through it okay."
"I'm glad." Josh paused. "You're a strong person, Quinn. And not just physically."
"Yeah, right." A mirthless laugh slipped out before Quinn could stop it. Even worse were the words that spilled out right after, words he couldn't seem to contain. "I'm so strong I can barely stand to be in the room with more than one person at a time. My father hated that, you know. He thought he could beat the shyness out of me. He wanted to toughen me up, make me into a man."
The sudden, fierce expression on Josh's face caught him off guard. "Your father was wrong. You are a man, Quinn. A good man. There's nothing wrong with you just because you're shy and you don't use your size to intimidate people."
How long had it been since someone had defended him, if anyone ever had other than Stephanie? Quinn managed a tiny smile. "I know you're right. It's hard to remember that when I'm freaking out in social situations, though."
Josh kissed his chest. "You don't do as badly as you think you do. People are drawn to you. Like me. And Clay, apparently."
"Oh, yeah, bring up Clay, the guy who asked me to tie him up and beat him the first time we met." Quinn rolled his eyes.
"Okay, maybe that wasn't the best example," Josh conceded.
Quinn laughed. "Maybe." Then the moment was gone, and he sighed. "I've always been afraid I'd turn out like him. That's why I never drink. I've always thought that somewhere, deep down, I might have his temper." And why was he bringing that up? Nothing about this conversation was good for the first time sleeping with a guy he really liked. Quinn mentally cringed, hoping he wasn't putting Josh off more than he probably already had.
Pushing himself up onto his elbow, Josh peered down at him, still fierce. "You're not like him. You would never hurt anyone, not even in the heat of the moment."
Quinn wasn't so sure. "I hope you're right. I tend to make people nervous."
"Those people just don't know you. You could've hurt me earlier, if you weren't careful, but you didn't. I'd never be scared with you."
Quinn couldn't speak over the lump in his throat. He hadn't realized how much he needed to hear those words until Josh said them. They lay in silence for a few minutes.
The air conditioner kicked on, pumping cold air into the room, and Josh shivered. "I'm cold." He wriggled around until he could get under the covers. "Stay. Please?"
"Of course." Quinn wouldn't have been anywhere else, not for anything. He got under the covers with Josh, pulling the smaller man into his arms.
Somehow reassured by Josh's presence, Quinn let himself drift off.
* * * *
Quinn awoke slowly, something heavy and warm draped over his chest and shoulder. He opened his eyes and smiled. Sometime during the night he'd moved to his back. Josh had curled up on Quinn's shoulder and thrown an arm over his chest, effectively pinning him to the bed. Quinn could have moved the smaller man if he wanted to get up, but he stayed where he was. He liked the close, tangled-together feeling. He brushed his lips over Josh's tousled hair, joy bubbling up from somewhere deep inside.
Josh shifted and let out a tiny sigh. Without opening his eyes, he kissed Quinn's chest, right on one of his many scars.
Quinn's heart swelled. He could get used to waking up beside Josh. No one had ever treated him the way Josh had last night, or said the things Josh said. Quinn believed Josh when he said Quinn would never hurt anyone, and Josh would never be afraid of him. Josh's faith in him made it easier to hope that maybe there was more to him than his father had always said, and maybe he could be strong without ever being like his father.
Strange as it seemed, Josh
"God, Quinn." Josh looked up, his eyes pained. "Didn't anyone try to help you?"
"Not until he died. I was good at hiding things." He still was, when he had to be. "Anyway, I got through it okay."
"I'm glad." Josh paused. "You're a strong person, Quinn. And not just physically."
"Yeah, right." A mirthless laugh slipped out before Quinn could stop it. Even worse were the words that spilled out right after, words he couldn't seem to contain. "I'm so strong I can barely stand to be in the room with more than one person at a time. My father hated that, you know. He thought he could beat the shyness out of me. He wanted to toughen me up, make me into a man."
The sudden, fierce expression on Josh's face caught him off guard. "Your father was wrong. You are a man, Quinn. A good man. There's nothing wrong with you just because you're shy and you don't use your size to intimidate people."
How long had it been since someone had defended him, if anyone ever had other than Stephanie? Quinn managed a tiny smile. "I know you're right. It's hard to remember that when I'm freaking out in social situations, though."
Josh kissed his chest. "You don't do as badly as you think you do. People are drawn to you. Like me. And Clay, apparently."
"Oh, yeah, bring up Clay, the guy who asked me to tie him up and beat him the first time we met." Quinn rolled his eyes.
"Okay, maybe that wasn't the best example," Josh conceded.
Quinn laughed. "Maybe." Then the moment was gone, and he sighed. "I've always been afraid I'd turn out like him. That's why I never drink. I've always thought that somewhere, deep down, I might have his temper." And why was he bringing that up? Nothing about this conversation was good for the first time sleeping with a guy he really liked. Quinn mentally cringed, hoping he wasn't putting Josh off more than he probably already had.
Pushing himself up onto his elbow, Josh peered down at him, still fierce. "You're not like him. You would never hurt anyone, not even in the heat of the moment."
Quinn wasn't so sure. "I hope you're right. I tend to make people nervous."
"Those people just don't know you. You could've hurt me earlier, if you weren't careful, but you didn't. I'd never be scared with you."
Quinn couldn't speak over the lump in his throat. He hadn't realized how much he needed to hear those words until Josh said them. They lay in silence for a few minutes.
The air conditioner kicked on, pumping cold air into the room, and Josh shivered. "I'm cold." He wriggled around until he could get under the covers. "Stay. Please?"
"Of course." Quinn wouldn't have been anywhere else, not for anything. He got under the covers with Josh, pulling the smaller man into his arms.
Somehow reassured by Josh's presence, Quinn let himself drift off.
* * * *
Quinn awoke slowly, something heavy and warm draped over his chest and shoulder. He opened his eyes and smiled. Sometime during the night he'd moved to his back. Josh had curled up on Quinn's shoulder and thrown an arm over his chest, effectively pinning him to the bed. Quinn could have moved the smaller man if he wanted to get up, but he stayed where he was. He liked the close, tangled-together feeling. He brushed his lips over Josh's tousled hair, joy bubbling up from somewhere deep inside.
Josh shifted and let out a tiny sigh. Without opening his eyes, he kissed Quinn's chest, right on one of his many scars.
Quinn's heart swelled. He could get used to waking up beside Josh. No one had ever treated him the way Josh had last night, or said the things Josh said. Quinn believed Josh when he said Quinn would never hurt anyone, and Josh would never be afraid of him. Josh's faith in him made it easier to hope that maybe there was more to him than his father had always said, and maybe he could be strong without ever being like his father.
Strange as it seemed, Josh
Similar Books
