can’t be that bad. Don’t do anything in a hurry. You’ll only regret it.’
‘But I am. I’m moving out.’ Anna felt obstinacy hardening inside her.
‘But why? You don’t mean – Is there someone else?’
‘No! I need to be by myself, not part of a couple.’
‘Oh, I meant— So, you’re saying you want to live on your own, find a place, but Martin doesn’t know? Have you done anything about it?’
‘No,’ Anna admitted. She had thought only as far as staying at home in Sevenoaks while she found somewhere to live; but that would seem like tamely giving in, becoming a teenager again. Also, it would mean telling her parents, a prospect she didn’t relish. And total immersion in her parents’ concerns and muddles would never help to clarify her thoughts.
‘You could stay here,’ Ruth said. ‘If it helps. Patrick’s room’s spare while he’s in Edinburgh. Don’t do anything drastic. Come and stay for a few days, or a week. Give yourself time to think.’
‘Are you serious, Ruth?’
‘Course I am.’
‘But – why?’
‘You’re helping me, aren’t you?’ said Ruth. ‘I can do this in return. It’d be an easy enough commute, wouldn’t it?’
‘Yes, straight in on the Central Line. When shall I come?’
‘Tomorrow, after work, if you like. But – think about it first. You might change your mind.’
‘I won’t,’ Anna said.
How quickly new plans were making themselves! It lent her a kind of recklessness. She would trust her instincts, see where they led. But this feeling of light delirium lasted only as long as it took to go into the bedroom and choose clothes to take to Ruth’s, packing them in her wheeled case. After all, she still hadn’t done anything for herself; she was simply falling in with another person’s suggestions.
‘Why the suitcase?’ Martin asked when he got in, and went into the bedroom to throw off his tie and jacket. ‘I thought you said your mum was OK?’
‘She is. But first I’ve got good news.’
She told him about her conversation with Sunila, the contract being drawn up. Martin looked delighted. ‘That’s brilliant – well done!’ He embraced her, kissing her ear; then, sensing resistance, looked into her face. ‘What made you decide?’
‘It seemed too good a chance to miss.’
He gave her an isn’t that what I told you look, but refrained from saying it. ‘We must celebrate. Dinner on Saturday? I’ll make a booking – where shall we go? You choose.’
‘Thanks, but …’
He looked puzzled now. ‘What’s up? The suitcase – where are you off to?’
‘I’m going to stay with Ruth.’
‘With Ruth ,’ he repeated, incredulous. ‘Why? What’s going on?’
‘You needn’t make it sound like a conspiracy. She just … invited me to stay.’ Baulking now at telling him the rest, Anna despised her own cowardice.
‘You and Ruth aren’t exactly best friends. Why this, all of a sudden?’
‘I like her,’ Anna said defensively. ‘And she likes me. And I’m helping her.’
‘Helping how? I can’t see how, during the week. What’s the point of going there now?’
‘I think she needs the company, to be honest.’
‘Well, that sounds nice and cosy.’ Martin had turned away, reaching for a glass, taking a bottle out of the cupboard. ‘Fine, if that’s what you want.’
‘I wasn’t asking for permission,’ Anna said coldly.
‘No, obviously I’m the last person you’d think of considering.’ Martin clattered things about in the utensil drawer, looking for a corkscrew. ‘You keep telling me I don’t understand you, but if you don’t give me any help, what do you expect? How long’s this for?’
‘Till the weekend, at least. We’re doing more house-clearing on Saturday, and probably Sunday too.’
‘So you don’t want to go out on Saturday and now you’re busy on Sunday as well. You might have said.’
‘I just did say.’
In bed that night they turned away from each other, lying separate and
‘But I am. I’m moving out.’ Anna felt obstinacy hardening inside her.
‘But why? You don’t mean – Is there someone else?’
‘No! I need to be by myself, not part of a couple.’
‘Oh, I meant— So, you’re saying you want to live on your own, find a place, but Martin doesn’t know? Have you done anything about it?’
‘No,’ Anna admitted. She had thought only as far as staying at home in Sevenoaks while she found somewhere to live; but that would seem like tamely giving in, becoming a teenager again. Also, it would mean telling her parents, a prospect she didn’t relish. And total immersion in her parents’ concerns and muddles would never help to clarify her thoughts.
‘You could stay here,’ Ruth said. ‘If it helps. Patrick’s room’s spare while he’s in Edinburgh. Don’t do anything drastic. Come and stay for a few days, or a week. Give yourself time to think.’
‘Are you serious, Ruth?’
‘Course I am.’
‘But – why?’
‘You’re helping me, aren’t you?’ said Ruth. ‘I can do this in return. It’d be an easy enough commute, wouldn’t it?’
‘Yes, straight in on the Central Line. When shall I come?’
‘Tomorrow, after work, if you like. But – think about it first. You might change your mind.’
‘I won’t,’ Anna said.
How quickly new plans were making themselves! It lent her a kind of recklessness. She would trust her instincts, see where they led. But this feeling of light delirium lasted only as long as it took to go into the bedroom and choose clothes to take to Ruth’s, packing them in her wheeled case. After all, she still hadn’t done anything for herself; she was simply falling in with another person’s suggestions.
‘Why the suitcase?’ Martin asked when he got in, and went into the bedroom to throw off his tie and jacket. ‘I thought you said your mum was OK?’
‘She is. But first I’ve got good news.’
She told him about her conversation with Sunila, the contract being drawn up. Martin looked delighted. ‘That’s brilliant – well done!’ He embraced her, kissing her ear; then, sensing resistance, looked into her face. ‘What made you decide?’
‘It seemed too good a chance to miss.’
He gave her an isn’t that what I told you look, but refrained from saying it. ‘We must celebrate. Dinner on Saturday? I’ll make a booking – where shall we go? You choose.’
‘Thanks, but …’
He looked puzzled now. ‘What’s up? The suitcase – where are you off to?’
‘I’m going to stay with Ruth.’
‘With Ruth ,’ he repeated, incredulous. ‘Why? What’s going on?’
‘You needn’t make it sound like a conspiracy. She just … invited me to stay.’ Baulking now at telling him the rest, Anna despised her own cowardice.
‘You and Ruth aren’t exactly best friends. Why this, all of a sudden?’
‘I like her,’ Anna said defensively. ‘And she likes me. And I’m helping her.’
‘Helping how? I can’t see how, during the week. What’s the point of going there now?’
‘I think she needs the company, to be honest.’
‘Well, that sounds nice and cosy.’ Martin had turned away, reaching for a glass, taking a bottle out of the cupboard. ‘Fine, if that’s what you want.’
‘I wasn’t asking for permission,’ Anna said coldly.
‘No, obviously I’m the last person you’d think of considering.’ Martin clattered things about in the utensil drawer, looking for a corkscrew. ‘You keep telling me I don’t understand you, but if you don’t give me any help, what do you expect? How long’s this for?’
‘Till the weekend, at least. We’re doing more house-clearing on Saturday, and probably Sunday too.’
‘So you don’t want to go out on Saturday and now you’re busy on Sunday as well. You might have said.’
‘I just did say.’
In bed that night they turned away from each other, lying separate and
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