I sort of based my old cranky person on for
Sob Story,
though as I believe I said before, my gran isn’t really cranky. She just reckons that life is not as good now as it used to be when she was young.) Mum doesn’t very often come with us when we visit as she and Gran don’t get on awfully well, mainly because Gran thinks a mother’s place is in the home. She thinks it is terrible that it was Dad who looked after us while Mum went out to work. So Mum usually stays behind while the rest of us go off, which is just as well for me since otherwise, on this particular occasion that we went to visit, I might have been found out!
Gran has very sharp eyes for an old lady; she notices things. She noticed
immediately
that I wasn’t looking as gross as I had been.
“Jenny,” she said. “Have you lost weight?”
Fortunately, although we were all together in the kitchen, Dad was busy checking the contents of Gran’s cupboard – he always checks the cupboard, to make sure she’s properly stocked up with food – and when Dad is counting tins of baked beans or jars of marmalade the rest of the world simply passes him by. If Mum had been there, she would have pounced! Even Petal might have looked twice, but she’d gone to spend the day with Helen Bickerstaff, one of her friends from school, and Pip didn’t because what did he care if I’d lost weight?
“Well,” said Gran. Like in these accusing tones.
“Have
you?”
I said, “I wish!” Flapping my hands in my T-shirt.
Gran said, “What do you mean,
you wish?
What kind of foolish talk is that?”
“Gran! Everybody wants to be slim,” I said.
“Well, everybody shouldn’t,” said Gran. “Everybody should have a bit more sense. We’re human beings, not stick insects!”
Dad then turned round from the cupboards to ask why Gran didn’t have any pasta in stock, and the talk swung off in another direction, but I noticed Gran looking at me every now and again with narrowed eyes so I made sure to really
glut
when it came to teatime. I knew I’d have to pay for it later, but the last thing I wanted was Gran going and putting ideas into Dad’s head. As we left she said in a loud voice, as she kissed me goodbye, “And no more of that
I wish
nonsense, thank you very much!” This time, Dad heard.
“What was that about?” he said.
I was about to say “Nothing,” in a vague and meaningless kind of way, when Pip had to go and pipe up.
“She wants to be slim!”
I could willingly have strangled him. But Dad just said, “Oh! Is that all?” Obviously not taking it seriously. Phew! Relief. It did set me thinking, though. I thought, what is the point of losing all this weight if I still have to go round pretending to be fat in front of Mum and Dad? I decided that as soon as I had reached my target body image I would REVEAL ALL. By then I wouldn’t need to diet any more, so it wouldn’t matter what they said. After all, not even Dad could
force
me to eat pizzas and pasta and Black Forest gateau.
One Saturday – the Saturday after our visit to Gran – Mrs Ambrose announced that we were going to do some improvisation. She said that we could improvise on our own or with a partner, whichever we preferred, and the theme was to be “travelling”.
She said, “You might be on a bus or a train… you might be walking, driving a car… riding a horse. You might be on a plane, you might be at an airport. Anything that takes your fancy! All go away and think about it, then we’ll see what you’ve come up with.”
Normally, me and Saffy would have been partners, but today, for some reason, she didn’t seem to want to work with me. She teamed up with Portia instead. I thought,
Huh! See if I care.
I’d do it by myself.
I was just going off into a corner to think of something when Ben Azariah (whose hair grew to a point like a turnip) poked me in the ribs and said, “Hey, Jenny! Want to do it together?”
I frowned. I’d had this feeling, just recently, that
Sob Story,
though as I believe I said before, my gran isn’t really cranky. She just reckons that life is not as good now as it used to be when she was young.) Mum doesn’t very often come with us when we visit as she and Gran don’t get on awfully well, mainly because Gran thinks a mother’s place is in the home. She thinks it is terrible that it was Dad who looked after us while Mum went out to work. So Mum usually stays behind while the rest of us go off, which is just as well for me since otherwise, on this particular occasion that we went to visit, I might have been found out!
Gran has very sharp eyes for an old lady; she notices things. She noticed
immediately
that I wasn’t looking as gross as I had been.
“Jenny,” she said. “Have you lost weight?”
Fortunately, although we were all together in the kitchen, Dad was busy checking the contents of Gran’s cupboard – he always checks the cupboard, to make sure she’s properly stocked up with food – and when Dad is counting tins of baked beans or jars of marmalade the rest of the world simply passes him by. If Mum had been there, she would have pounced! Even Petal might have looked twice, but she’d gone to spend the day with Helen Bickerstaff, one of her friends from school, and Pip didn’t because what did he care if I’d lost weight?
“Well,” said Gran. Like in these accusing tones.
“Have
you?”
I said, “I wish!” Flapping my hands in my T-shirt.
Gran said, “What do you mean,
you wish?
What kind of foolish talk is that?”
“Gran! Everybody wants to be slim,” I said.
“Well, everybody shouldn’t,” said Gran. “Everybody should have a bit more sense. We’re human beings, not stick insects!”
Dad then turned round from the cupboards to ask why Gran didn’t have any pasta in stock, and the talk swung off in another direction, but I noticed Gran looking at me every now and again with narrowed eyes so I made sure to really
glut
when it came to teatime. I knew I’d have to pay for it later, but the last thing I wanted was Gran going and putting ideas into Dad’s head. As we left she said in a loud voice, as she kissed me goodbye, “And no more of that
I wish
nonsense, thank you very much!” This time, Dad heard.
“What was that about?” he said.
I was about to say “Nothing,” in a vague and meaningless kind of way, when Pip had to go and pipe up.
“She wants to be slim!”
I could willingly have strangled him. But Dad just said, “Oh! Is that all?” Obviously not taking it seriously. Phew! Relief. It did set me thinking, though. I thought, what is the point of losing all this weight if I still have to go round pretending to be fat in front of Mum and Dad? I decided that as soon as I had reached my target body image I would REVEAL ALL. By then I wouldn’t need to diet any more, so it wouldn’t matter what they said. After all, not even Dad could
force
me to eat pizzas and pasta and Black Forest gateau.
One Saturday – the Saturday after our visit to Gran – Mrs Ambrose announced that we were going to do some improvisation. She said that we could improvise on our own or with a partner, whichever we preferred, and the theme was to be “travelling”.
She said, “You might be on a bus or a train… you might be walking, driving a car… riding a horse. You might be on a plane, you might be at an airport. Anything that takes your fancy! All go away and think about it, then we’ll see what you’ve come up with.”
Normally, me and Saffy would have been partners, but today, for some reason, she didn’t seem to want to work with me. She teamed up with Portia instead. I thought,
Huh! See if I care.
I’d do it by myself.
I was just going off into a corner to think of something when Ben Azariah (whose hair grew to a point like a turnip) poked me in the ribs and said, “Hey, Jenny! Want to do it together?”
I frowned. I’d had this feeling, just recently, that
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