going now. I’ll . . . see you later, huh?” She didn’t answer me. I didn’t figure she would. When I straightened up again, Siebeling moved between us, forcing me to back off. He leaned over, murmuring something to her. I went to the waiting lift and took it down.
5
The lift stopped at the usual floor, because I’d said the number without thinking. I almost stepped out, almost went back to my room; thinking there was nothing else I could do except go there and wait.
But I stood looking down the empty hallway, looking at another world: one I didn’t belong to anymore. Siebeling had cut me loose, and soon enough Corporate Security would come for me and make it official. . . . I’d known all along this was too good to last, like any other dream. My fists tightened, the numbness that had me by the throat suddenly let me go. It was over, and I’d been screwed. I owed nothing to nobody . And I was damned if I was going to stay here like a loser and make it easy for them to take me back. The doors slipped shut again, and I went on down.
I got out at the main reception lobby. Its three-story vault was draped with wall hangings that turned every sound into a whisper. I tried to walk like I had a right to be there; but even if I didn’t, no one seemed to care. I moved through the changing dance of bodies, trying to believe I looked as normal as everyone else seemed to think I did, until I reached the building entrance. There were no guards waiting, not even a solid door to fill the arching space. A soft tingling, a breath of forced air, and I was through-standing free in the open in the wide fountain square that I’d seen from high above.
It was all so easy. I stood where I was, just letting myself breathe, wondering why I’d never done this before. I could have walked out of here any time I’d wanted to these past weeks, if I’d only tried. I turned back, glancing in through the open entrance. I looked up and up along the smooth mirroring face of the Sakaffe Research Institute, and wondered where my room was inside it. I looked down again, suddenly feeling dizzy, empty, and alone. Knowing why I’d never tried to leave, now that it was too late.
I turned away and started out into the square. The rain had stopped, but the air was still dim and heavy. The fountain was doing things I’d never seen water do before; as I passed it, a drift of spray blew into my path. I moved through it, blinking. The wet heat was suffocating after the coolness of the Institute. I’d forgotten how summer felt, and how much I hated it-almost as much as I hated winter. At least there wasn’t the summertime stench that made Oldcity smell like a dead body.
I entered a canyon between two towers. The street was brighter than any street I’d ever known-and quieter, smoother, cleaner. There were only a handful of other people around me, most of them taking the moving walkways or drifting in and out of building entrances. Far up above my head were aircab balconies and passageways threading the building faces together like chunks of jewel; single mods and multimods jostled in the space between them. Looking up as I walked, I couldn’t see the tops of the towers, couldn’t even guess how high they had to be. . . . I began to think about falling upward into the fog. I looked down, and didn’t look up again.
I went on walking for a long time, with my thoughts wandering as aimlessly as my feet. I was caught in a silence that wasn’t all in my mind-everything seemed to be happening far up in the air. As the hours passed, the fog melted away and the sky began to clear. Sunlight winked and sparkled between mirroring walls, off them, through them; falling on me in bright showers. Display floaters advertising upside goods caught my eyes and ears, pulled me everywhere, left me standing in my tracks staring at things I didn’t believe even when I saw them. Sometimes somebody else would put a hand through the shimmering, transparent security
5
The lift stopped at the usual floor, because I’d said the number without thinking. I almost stepped out, almost went back to my room; thinking there was nothing else I could do except go there and wait.
But I stood looking down the empty hallway, looking at another world: one I didn’t belong to anymore. Siebeling had cut me loose, and soon enough Corporate Security would come for me and make it official. . . . I’d known all along this was too good to last, like any other dream. My fists tightened, the numbness that had me by the throat suddenly let me go. It was over, and I’d been screwed. I owed nothing to nobody . And I was damned if I was going to stay here like a loser and make it easy for them to take me back. The doors slipped shut again, and I went on down.
I got out at the main reception lobby. Its three-story vault was draped with wall hangings that turned every sound into a whisper. I tried to walk like I had a right to be there; but even if I didn’t, no one seemed to care. I moved through the changing dance of bodies, trying to believe I looked as normal as everyone else seemed to think I did, until I reached the building entrance. There were no guards waiting, not even a solid door to fill the arching space. A soft tingling, a breath of forced air, and I was through-standing free in the open in the wide fountain square that I’d seen from high above.
It was all so easy. I stood where I was, just letting myself breathe, wondering why I’d never done this before. I could have walked out of here any time I’d wanted to these past weeks, if I’d only tried. I turned back, glancing in through the open entrance. I looked up and up along the smooth mirroring face of the Sakaffe Research Institute, and wondered where my room was inside it. I looked down again, suddenly feeling dizzy, empty, and alone. Knowing why I’d never tried to leave, now that it was too late.
I turned away and started out into the square. The rain had stopped, but the air was still dim and heavy. The fountain was doing things I’d never seen water do before; as I passed it, a drift of spray blew into my path. I moved through it, blinking. The wet heat was suffocating after the coolness of the Institute. I’d forgotten how summer felt, and how much I hated it-almost as much as I hated winter. At least there wasn’t the summertime stench that made Oldcity smell like a dead body.
I entered a canyon between two towers. The street was brighter than any street I’d ever known-and quieter, smoother, cleaner. There were only a handful of other people around me, most of them taking the moving walkways or drifting in and out of building entrances. Far up above my head were aircab balconies and passageways threading the building faces together like chunks of jewel; single mods and multimods jostled in the space between them. Looking up as I walked, I couldn’t see the tops of the towers, couldn’t even guess how high they had to be. . . . I began to think about falling upward into the fog. I looked down, and didn’t look up again.
I went on walking for a long time, with my thoughts wandering as aimlessly as my feet. I was caught in a silence that wasn’t all in my mind-everything seemed to be happening far up in the air. As the hours passed, the fog melted away and the sky began to clear. Sunlight winked and sparkled between mirroring walls, off them, through them; falling on me in bright showers. Display floaters advertising upside goods caught my eyes and ears, pulled me everywhere, left me standing in my tracks staring at things I didn’t believe even when I saw them. Sometimes somebody else would put a hand through the shimmering, transparent security
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