I stared at
the back of her head, wanting to do something - but knowing there was
nothing I could do.
“You should have seen what they did to the other women. It was
awful. Many of them were raped. I was lucky because I managed to hide
behind other people but then I felt like crap. Someone else had taken my
place.” She snorted with self-disgust. “And the men were tortured
constantly. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the screams. They went on
and on, night after night. Day after day. They never stopped. When I
close my eyes, I can still hear them.”
My heart pounded harder in my chest. Ryder might have been tortured
and starved. He wouldn’t have survive that. He wasn’t made that way.
He would have fought them until they beat him to death.
I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, the images too much to
handle.
Eva turned over to look at me, the blankets tangled around her
legs.
“I want to tell you that I’m sorry, Maddie. Because of me,
Ryder’s dead. I know I was hateful to him but I was just worried he
would break your heart. I wanted to protect you. Now I feel guilty. He
gave up his life for me and I treated him like shit. If I could, I
would’ve stayed in that camp so you could have him back.”
I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her tightly. “Don’t say
that Eva. I’m okay.”
“No you’re not. Don’t lie to me, Maddie Jackson.” I could
hear the tears in her voice. “We were so fuckin’ stupid. Just two
naïve college kids that thought the most important thing in life was
where the next party was going to be, or finding the greatest
bars.”
“We couldn’t have known,” I said, unwrapping my arms from
around her.
“I don’t want to tell Brody about the camp,” she said with
conviction. “It will just upset him to hear what I went through and I
can’t be with him right now. There was one time…”
I shut my eyes, afraid of what she was going to say next.
“One man cornered me and touched me but another woman stopped
him…I don’t know who she was but she saved me.”
I reached beneath the covers and found her hand. Her fingers were
like ice against mine.
“I won’t say anything but you need to talk to Brody. Don’t push
him away,” I said.
“I’m afraid to tell him.”
“He loves you, Eva. All that matters to him is that you’re home
safe.” I squeezed her hand reassuringly.
She scoffed. “You just don’t get it do you, Maddie? We’ll never
be safe. These men,” she motioned out the window, “want to kill us.
They want us extinct.” She shook her head, her next words eerie.
“Americans will never be safe or the same. None of us.”
Chapter Eight
One afternoon I walked away. I needed time. Away from the memories.
Away from everyone asking if I was okay or telling me that everything
would be fine. How could they say that? Ryder was
gone. Things were not okay. I was far from fine. I was a
wreck.
On the outside I appeared strong, capable of handling anything. On
the inside, I was dying. A slow death that I feared would never end.
How many times in the last few weeks had I pleaded with God to send
Ryder back to me? I cursed fate. I screamed at the heavens. I cried
myself to sleep. Would I ever be the same again?
The only thing keeping me sane and propelling me out of bed every day
was the baby that I carried. I daydreamed about holding a girl or a boy
in my arms, gazing down at him or her and seeing Ryder reflected back at
me. I hoped the baby had Ryder’s eyes and his smile. And I hoped if it
was a boy, he would be as handsome as his father, making female hearts
flutter whenever he walked by. But more than anything, I just wished
Ryder were here to share all of this with me.
For the first time in days, the sun was shining. The gloomy winter
skies were gone. Eva and Janice were busy. The men were preoccupied with
livestock and feed. It was a perfect day to be alone.
As I walked through the pasture
the back of her head, wanting to do something - but knowing there was
nothing I could do.
“You should have seen what they did to the other women. It was
awful. Many of them were raped. I was lucky because I managed to hide
behind other people but then I felt like crap. Someone else had taken my
place.” She snorted with self-disgust. “And the men were tortured
constantly. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the screams. They went on
and on, night after night. Day after day. They never stopped. When I
close my eyes, I can still hear them.”
My heart pounded harder in my chest. Ryder might have been tortured
and starved. He wouldn’t have survive that. He wasn’t made that way.
He would have fought them until they beat him to death.
I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, the images too much to
handle.
Eva turned over to look at me, the blankets tangled around her
legs.
“I want to tell you that I’m sorry, Maddie. Because of me,
Ryder’s dead. I know I was hateful to him but I was just worried he
would break your heart. I wanted to protect you. Now I feel guilty. He
gave up his life for me and I treated him like shit. If I could, I
would’ve stayed in that camp so you could have him back.”
I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her tightly. “Don’t say
that Eva. I’m okay.”
“No you’re not. Don’t lie to me, Maddie Jackson.” I could
hear the tears in her voice. “We were so fuckin’ stupid. Just two
naïve college kids that thought the most important thing in life was
where the next party was going to be, or finding the greatest
bars.”
“We couldn’t have known,” I said, unwrapping my arms from
around her.
“I don’t want to tell Brody about the camp,” she said with
conviction. “It will just upset him to hear what I went through and I
can’t be with him right now. There was one time…”
I shut my eyes, afraid of what she was going to say next.
“One man cornered me and touched me but another woman stopped
him…I don’t know who she was but she saved me.”
I reached beneath the covers and found her hand. Her fingers were
like ice against mine.
“I won’t say anything but you need to talk to Brody. Don’t push
him away,” I said.
“I’m afraid to tell him.”
“He loves you, Eva. All that matters to him is that you’re home
safe.” I squeezed her hand reassuringly.
She scoffed. “You just don’t get it do you, Maddie? We’ll never
be safe. These men,” she motioned out the window, “want to kill us.
They want us extinct.” She shook her head, her next words eerie.
“Americans will never be safe or the same. None of us.”
Chapter Eight
One afternoon I walked away. I needed time. Away from the memories.
Away from everyone asking if I was okay or telling me that everything
would be fine. How could they say that? Ryder was
gone. Things were not okay. I was far from fine. I was a
wreck.
On the outside I appeared strong, capable of handling anything. On
the inside, I was dying. A slow death that I feared would never end.
How many times in the last few weeks had I pleaded with God to send
Ryder back to me? I cursed fate. I screamed at the heavens. I cried
myself to sleep. Would I ever be the same again?
The only thing keeping me sane and propelling me out of bed every day
was the baby that I carried. I daydreamed about holding a girl or a boy
in my arms, gazing down at him or her and seeing Ryder reflected back at
me. I hoped the baby had Ryder’s eyes and his smile. And I hoped if it
was a boy, he would be as handsome as his father, making female hearts
flutter whenever he walked by. But more than anything, I just wished
Ryder were here to share all of this with me.
For the first time in days, the sun was shining. The gloomy winter
skies were gone. Eva and Janice were busy. The men were preoccupied with
livestock and feed. It was a perfect day to be alone.
As I walked through the pasture
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