Possessing Jessie by Nancy Springer Page A

hi, Sweetie,” she whispered. A tear slipped from one eye.
    A real tear.
    Jessie felt like her chest was filling with helium. Huge relief. She went over and hugged her mom. Thank God. This crazy urge, pretending to be her brother, was okay. Mom had not only looked at her, she was talking to her again!
    â€œWhat would you like for breakfast?” Mom asked.
    Jessie shook her head. She usually got her own breakfast cereal. It was nice of Mom to offer to make her something. But these days she had to force herself to eat. Especially in the morning, food felt like smashed metal in her stomach.
    â€œAren’t you hungry?” Mom asked, looking so surprised Jessie didn’t know what to say. She just shook her head again.
    â€œWell, don’t forget your lunch money,” Mom said.
    â€œYeah, yeah,” Jessie said the way Jason used to. “See ya, Mud.” With a bad-boy strut she walked out the door, headed for school.

Chapter Two
    Once she reached the car, she dropped her pose. Shoulders sagging, she got in and fastened her seat belt. She checked the controls to remind herself where they were before she started the car. The rental provided by the insurance company seemed nice, even smelled new. But Jessie didn’t care much about cars.
    It was no problem that she was taking the car and leaving Mom without one. Mom hardly ever went anywhere since she’d gone on disability. Her bad back forced her to lie down half the time. Most days she didn’t even bother to get dressed, just went around in a flowered cotton bathrobe and pink vinyl slippers. Only once in a while she’d put on clothes to make a supply run to Wal-Mart, usually on Saturday so Jessie or Jason could carry the groceries and stuff for her.
    Make that just Jessie from now on.
    Jason was gone.
    The sunny September day went dark. Jessie ached as if she had just this moment learned that Jason was dead. Over and over again this had happened. He kept sneaking up on her.
    She had to go to school to keep her grades up so she could get a college scholarship. Jessie wanted to be something–she wasn’t sure what yet, but something important, like a scientist to stop global warming or a doctor to find a cure for cancer. She hardly ever missed school. She had even gone to school last week, missing only one day, the day after Jason was killed.
    But today, driving even more carefully than usual in the strange loaner car, she thought about actually skipping, because how was she supposed to face school dressed up as Jason? It had been an impulse that had come to her just as she woke up, and she hadn’t planned beyond it. Like a miracle it had gotten her mother to talk to her, but now what?
    For a person who doesn’t like to be stared at , Jessie thought, I’ve fixed myself good .
    She pulled into the high-school parking lot anyway, got out of the car, and tried to make herself small, head and shoulders curled over, as she headed for the main door.
    Some girl screamed.
    Jessie didn’t look to see who.
    Other kids screamed, too. Not all of them girls.
    Jessie didn’t look up. Kept on walking with an awful numbness, that same numbness she’d felt since Jason died.
    Walking into a hubbub of voices. “What the hell is that?” “That is so wrong!” “Is that his sister?” “For a minute there, I really thought it was Jason.” “That’s sick!” “What’s her name? I forget.” “She scared me!” “That’s cold, making fun of Jason. That’s harsh.” “He was a great guy.” “Jennifer, Julie, something like that.” “I thought I was seeing a ghost.” “What’s she think she’s doing?” “She’s got to be crazy.” “What’s she trying to prove?”
    Jessie edged her way through the crowd. Head down, she walked on until she met an obstacle she couldn’t bypass: business shoes,