buildin, n it’s goat they uncomfy kind ay dole seats: rid plastic mouldings wi the black frames. Ye huv tae be straight tae sit in thum; it jist widnae be possible if yir twitchy oan drugs or sick. Avs is up at the big whiteboard which stands oan three aluminium legs. She writes wi a blue Magic Marker:
DREAMS
Then she says that dreams are important, it’s likes we gie up oan thum too soon. When ye think aboot it: aye. But that astronaut gig; that first gadges oan Mars thing that me and ma auld mate Rents used tae talk aboot bein whin wi wir sprogs: it wis never really a serious runner, man. Inner space wis a better deal: less ay aw thon trainin required.
Rents but. He wis some boy. Sorted me oot awright.
Avril tells us that we should be prepared tae indulge oor fantasies mair. Joey Parke comes back wi something like: — We’ll git locked up if we dae that. Fuck sakes! Eh turns tae me. — Indulge oor fantasies, eh, Spud! Ah laughs n the Monica lassie, her that bites the knuckles oan her hand, digs in a wee bit harder.
So then Avs is askin us in the group what sort ay job we’d like, in an ideal world, likes, if we could dae absolutely anything. Thing is, ah wis a wee bit bombed. Ah’m no usually like that in the group, it’s jist thit ah hud a bit ay a shock at hame the other day n couldnae stoap thinkin aboot it. Ah pure needed some gear. But oot ay respect ah’d mixed it wi some charlie intae a speedbomb soas ah widnae be seen no tae be participating, sortay for the sake ay the group, likesay. Now though, nae cat’s talkin so it’s like ah’m pitching in tae say that ah’d like tae huv become an agent.
— Like a footballer’s agent? They’re very well paid, Avril says.
Joey Parke shakes ehs heid. — Parasites. Thir takin money oot the game.
— Naw, naw, naw, ah explain. — Ah wis thinkin mair as an agent for aw they blonde burds thit they huv oan the telly; the likes ay Ulrika Jonsson, Zoë Ball, Denise Van Outen, Gail Porter n aw that. Then ah think aboot it n say: — But it’s the likes ay Sick Boy n that, that’s an auld mate ay mine, they would git in thaire first. That’s the kind ay job that they gie tae these cats, nae offence tae the boy, likes.
Sick Boy. Some cat.
Avril listens aw sort ay patient, likes, but ye tell she’s no that impressed. Parkie goes oan aboot wantin tae dae the job ay Drug Czar. This gets a few ay them slaggin oaf that job n the boy thit’s daein it, and well, that’s oot ay order as far as ah see it.
So ah leaps tae the cat’s defence, likes. — Naw, man, ah think it’s a great idea, cause some ay the quality ay the gear these days is pure crap. It’s aboot time the government were daein something aboot that instead ay just throwin people in jail aw the time. Moi’s opinion, ma petite chats, moi’s opinion.
A boy called Alfie pits oan this daft grin, then turns ehs face away. Then ah sees Parkie’s laughin and shakin ehs heid. Eh goes: — Naw, Spud, yuv goat the wrong end ay the stick, man. That boy’s meant tae stoap ye fae takin drugs.
That gits me thinkin, n ah starts feelin sorry fir the dude, cause there’s a gadgie that’s goat ehs work cut oot. Ah mean, ah ken how difficult it is tae stoap masel fae takin drugs, nivir mind every other cat. What a thankless task for the poor boy. Ah dinnae see but, how they huv tae gie that joab tae a Russian boy when there’s plenty punters in Scotland could dae it.
So thir gaun oan n oan aboot this. The weird thing aboot this group is thit we spend mair time talkin aboot drugs than we dae oan them. Sometimes whin yir straight, it really makes ye want thum, sortay pits ye in mind ay thum whin ye wirnae thinkin aboot thum, ken? But the Russian Drug Czar boy’s pit me in mind again ay thon Dostoevsky book n that insurance policy ay mine. We goat it when the pramkicker came along, n ah wis clean n daein the slabbyin. Then they stoaped the slabbyin, man, peyed us aw oaf. But when ah did that hoose n goat
DREAMS
Then she says that dreams are important, it’s likes we gie up oan thum too soon. When ye think aboot it: aye. But that astronaut gig; that first gadges oan Mars thing that me and ma auld mate Rents used tae talk aboot bein whin wi wir sprogs: it wis never really a serious runner, man. Inner space wis a better deal: less ay aw thon trainin required.
Rents but. He wis some boy. Sorted me oot awright.
Avril tells us that we should be prepared tae indulge oor fantasies mair. Joey Parke comes back wi something like: — We’ll git locked up if we dae that. Fuck sakes! Eh turns tae me. — Indulge oor fantasies, eh, Spud! Ah laughs n the Monica lassie, her that bites the knuckles oan her hand, digs in a wee bit harder.
So then Avs is askin us in the group what sort ay job we’d like, in an ideal world, likes, if we could dae absolutely anything. Thing is, ah wis a wee bit bombed. Ah’m no usually like that in the group, it’s jist thit ah hud a bit ay a shock at hame the other day n couldnae stoap thinkin aboot it. Ah pure needed some gear. But oot ay respect ah’d mixed it wi some charlie intae a speedbomb soas ah widnae be seen no tae be participating, sortay for the sake ay the group, likesay. Now though, nae cat’s talkin so it’s like ah’m pitching in tae say that ah’d like tae huv become an agent.
— Like a footballer’s agent? They’re very well paid, Avril says.
Joey Parke shakes ehs heid. — Parasites. Thir takin money oot the game.
— Naw, naw, naw, ah explain. — Ah wis thinkin mair as an agent for aw they blonde burds thit they huv oan the telly; the likes ay Ulrika Jonsson, Zoë Ball, Denise Van Outen, Gail Porter n aw that. Then ah think aboot it n say: — But it’s the likes ay Sick Boy n that, that’s an auld mate ay mine, they would git in thaire first. That’s the kind ay job that they gie tae these cats, nae offence tae the boy, likes.
Sick Boy. Some cat.
Avril listens aw sort ay patient, likes, but ye tell she’s no that impressed. Parkie goes oan aboot wantin tae dae the job ay Drug Czar. This gets a few ay them slaggin oaf that job n the boy thit’s daein it, and well, that’s oot ay order as far as ah see it.
So ah leaps tae the cat’s defence, likes. — Naw, man, ah think it’s a great idea, cause some ay the quality ay the gear these days is pure crap. It’s aboot time the government were daein something aboot that instead ay just throwin people in jail aw the time. Moi’s opinion, ma petite chats, moi’s opinion.
A boy called Alfie pits oan this daft grin, then turns ehs face away. Then ah sees Parkie’s laughin and shakin ehs heid. Eh goes: — Naw, Spud, yuv goat the wrong end ay the stick, man. That boy’s meant tae stoap ye fae takin drugs.
That gits me thinkin, n ah starts feelin sorry fir the dude, cause there’s a gadgie that’s goat ehs work cut oot. Ah mean, ah ken how difficult it is tae stoap masel fae takin drugs, nivir mind every other cat. What a thankless task for the poor boy. Ah dinnae see but, how they huv tae gie that joab tae a Russian boy when there’s plenty punters in Scotland could dae it.
So thir gaun oan n oan aboot this. The weird thing aboot this group is thit we spend mair time talkin aboot drugs than we dae oan them. Sometimes whin yir straight, it really makes ye want thum, sortay pits ye in mind ay thum whin ye wirnae thinkin aboot thum, ken? But the Russian Drug Czar boy’s pit me in mind again ay thon Dostoevsky book n that insurance policy ay mine. We goat it when the pramkicker came along, n ah wis clean n daein the slabbyin. Then they stoaped the slabbyin, man, peyed us aw oaf. But when ah did that hoose n goat
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