Plays Unpleasant by George Bernard Shaw Page A

should like to know? me that wrings the money out to keep a home over my children, or you that spend it and try to shove the blame on to me?
    COKANE . A most improper observation to address to a gentleman, Mr Lickcheese! A most revolutionary sentiment!
    LICKCHEESE . Perhaps so. But then Robbins’s Row aint a school for manners. You collect a week or two there – youre welcome to my place if I cant keep it for myself – and youll hear a little plain speaking, you will.
    COCKANE [
with dignity
] Do you know to whom you are speaking, my good man?
    LICKCHEESE [
recklessly
] I know well enough who I’m speaking to. What do I care for you, or a thousand such? I’m poor: thats enough to make a rascal of me. No consideration for me! nothing to be got by saying a word for me! [
Suddenly cringing to Trench
] Just a word, sir. It would cost you nothing. [
Sartorius appears at the door, unobserved
] Have some feeling for the poor.
    TRENCH . I’m afraid you have shewn very little, by your own confession.
    LICKCHEESE [
breaking out again
] More than your precious father-in-law, anyhow. I – [
Sartorius’s voice, striking in with deadly coldness, paralyzes him
].
    SARTORIUS . You will come here tomorrow not later than ten, Mr Lickcheese, to conclude our business. I shall trouble you no further today. [
Lickcheese, cowed, goes out amid dead silence. Sartorius continues, after an awkward pause
] He is one of my agents, or rather was; for I have unfortunately had to dismiss him for repeatedly disregarding my instructions. [
Trench says nothing. Sartorius throws off his embarrassment, and assumes a jocose, rallying air, unbecoming to him under any circumstances, and just now almost unbearably jarring
]. Blanche will be down presently, Harry [
Trench recoils
] – I suppose I must call you Harry now. What do you say to a stroll through the garden, Mr Cokane? We are celebrated here for our flowers.
    COKANE . Charmed, my dear sir, charmed. Life here is an idyll – a perfect idyll. We were just dwelling on it.
    SARTORIUS [
slyly
] Harry can follow with Blanche. She will be down directly.
    TRENCH [
hastily
] No. I cant face her just now.
    SARTORIUS [
rallying him
] Indeed! Ha, ha!
    The laugh, the first they have heard from him, sets Trench’s teeth on edge. Cokane is taken aback, but instantly recovers himself
.
    COKANE . Ha! ha! ha! Ho! ho!
    TRENCH . But you dont understand.
    SARTORIUS . Oh, I think we do, I think we do. Eh, Mr Cokane? Ha! ha!
    COKANE . I should think we do. Ha! ha! ha!
    They go out together, laughing at him. He collapses into a chair shuddering in every nerve. Blanche appears at the door. Her face lights up when she sees that he is alone. She trips noiselessly to the back of his chair and clasps her hands over his eyes. With a convulsive start and exclamation he springs up and breaks away from her
.
    BLANCHE [
astonished
] Harry!.
    TRENCH [
with distracted politeness
] I beg your pardon. I was thinking – wont you sit down?
    BLANCHE [
looking suspiciously at him
] Is anything thematter? [
She sits down slowly near the writing table. He takes Cokane’s chair
].
    TRENCH . No. Oh no.
    BLANCHE . Papa has not been disagreeable, I hope.
    TRENCH . No: I have hardly spoken to him since I was with you. [
He rises; takes up his chair; and plants it beside hers. This pleases her better. She looks at him with her most winning smile. A sort of sob breaks from him; and he catches her hands and kisses them passionately. Then, looking into her eyes with intense earnestness, he says
] Blanche: are you fond of money?
    BLANCHE [
gaily
] Very. Are you going to give me any?
    TRENCH [
wincing
] Dont make a joke of it: I’m serious. Do you know that we shall be very poor?
    BLANCHE . Is that what made you look as if you had neuralgia?
    TRENCH [
pleadingly
] My dear: it’s no laughing matter. Do youknow that I have a bare seven hundred a year to live on?
    BLANCHE . How dreadful!
    TRENCH . Blanche: