Playing on the Edge: Sadomasochism, Risk, and Intimacy by Staci Newmahr Page B
Authors: Staci Newmahr
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but she had just finished playing and was not up to meeting him.
They never did meet, and as far as I know, Scott never attended another scene event in Caeden.
Scott’s response to the social setting in which he found himself underscores not only the marginality of the people in Caeden, but the absence of a space for them outside of this community. Scott, mainstream in his appearance (and arguably in his “SM” interests), despite the interest or openness that had brought him to the event, embodied the antithesis of the “open-mindedness” that community members attribute to one another, and so highly value in the community.
Anthony Cohen has argued that, given the symbolic nature of the opposi- tion of any given community to the larger society in which it lives, “people can think themselves into difference” (1985, 117). In Caeden, intersections of marginal experiences on multiple fronts coalesce into identities of marginality that underlie participation in the SM community and in SM itself.
To some, the community serves as a place to conform to the standards and expectations of those around them. To others, it serves as a place where rebels go to find new ways to rebel. Regardless, the “how-I-found-the-scene” stories are constructed and retold precisely because many people view their discovery of this community as a pivotal moment in their lives. Although some narratives are constructed around top/bottom identities, many are not. Moreover, among narratives in which an essentialist SM identity figures prominently, many are tales of finding the scene and meaning in the community, quite apart from top- ping and bottoming specifically. The members of this community tell stories of coming to the community not because they felt like sadists and masochists, but because they felt they were different.
The feeling of social acceptance many people reported upon entering the scene, then, was an acceptance not of their SM interest, but of their more gen- eral outsiderness. Even if these narratives are cultivated or nurtured in and
through the community, their resonance is a testament to the marginal experi- ences of community members long before their entrance into the scene.
This is not to say that the members of Caeden are, simply put, sadists and masochists because they are misfits, nor the reverse. It is instead to illustrate the ways in which marginal identities and experiences have intersected in the lives of its members, to cultivate a creative worldview and an exploratory approach to social relationships. It is also to deny, along with others, that the social pursuit of SM emerges directly from a fundamental interest, whether sourced in genet- ics or childhood trauma, in that which we know as sadism and/or masochism (Weinberg, Williams, and Moser 1984; Langdridge and Butt 2004; Langdridge 2006; Weiss 2006b).
The Caeden SM community serves its members in ways beyond providing a social network and opportunities and partners for SM play. In the first place, it is a place of support, where in-group identities of marginality are cultivated and maintained in contrast to out-group identities of conformity. Secondly, it is a marketplace for particular social currency elsewhere unrecognized, and as such it offers pathways to prestige and status often unattainable to its members in other social settings. The conflation of these pathways to high status with iden- tities of marginality, in turn, provides a sense of acceptance powerful enough for members of the scene to refer to the community as “home.”
56 People
Tipping the Scales 57
Part 2. Play
58 Play
Tipping the Scales 59
Chapter 3
Tipping the Scales
Striving for Imbalance
I stood facing him, trying to keep my abraded back from brushing against the rough concrete wall. I was exhausted. We’d been playing for a long time; it must have been at least two hours. I think he used just about every toy he owned. My legs were stiff. My arms ached from
They never did meet, and as far as I know, Scott never attended another scene event in Caeden.
Scott’s response to the social setting in which he found himself underscores not only the marginality of the people in Caeden, but the absence of a space for them outside of this community. Scott, mainstream in his appearance (and arguably in his “SM” interests), despite the interest or openness that had brought him to the event, embodied the antithesis of the “open-mindedness” that community members attribute to one another, and so highly value in the community.
Anthony Cohen has argued that, given the symbolic nature of the opposi- tion of any given community to the larger society in which it lives, “people can think themselves into difference” (1985, 117). In Caeden, intersections of marginal experiences on multiple fronts coalesce into identities of marginality that underlie participation in the SM community and in SM itself.
To some, the community serves as a place to conform to the standards and expectations of those around them. To others, it serves as a place where rebels go to find new ways to rebel. Regardless, the “how-I-found-the-scene” stories are constructed and retold precisely because many people view their discovery of this community as a pivotal moment in their lives. Although some narratives are constructed around top/bottom identities, many are not. Moreover, among narratives in which an essentialist SM identity figures prominently, many are tales of finding the scene and meaning in the community, quite apart from top- ping and bottoming specifically. The members of this community tell stories of coming to the community not because they felt like sadists and masochists, but because they felt they were different.
The feeling of social acceptance many people reported upon entering the scene, then, was an acceptance not of their SM interest, but of their more gen- eral outsiderness. Even if these narratives are cultivated or nurtured in and
through the community, their resonance is a testament to the marginal experi- ences of community members long before their entrance into the scene.
This is not to say that the members of Caeden are, simply put, sadists and masochists because they are misfits, nor the reverse. It is instead to illustrate the ways in which marginal identities and experiences have intersected in the lives of its members, to cultivate a creative worldview and an exploratory approach to social relationships. It is also to deny, along with others, that the social pursuit of SM emerges directly from a fundamental interest, whether sourced in genet- ics or childhood trauma, in that which we know as sadism and/or masochism (Weinberg, Williams, and Moser 1984; Langdridge and Butt 2004; Langdridge 2006; Weiss 2006b).
The Caeden SM community serves its members in ways beyond providing a social network and opportunities and partners for SM play. In the first place, it is a place of support, where in-group identities of marginality are cultivated and maintained in contrast to out-group identities of conformity. Secondly, it is a marketplace for particular social currency elsewhere unrecognized, and as such it offers pathways to prestige and status often unattainable to its members in other social settings. The conflation of these pathways to high status with iden- tities of marginality, in turn, provides a sense of acceptance powerful enough for members of the scene to refer to the community as “home.”
56 People
Tipping the Scales 57
Part 2. Play
58 Play
Tipping the Scales 59
Chapter 3
Tipping the Scales
Striving for Imbalance
I stood facing him, trying to keep my abraded back from brushing against the rough concrete wall. I was exhausted. We’d been playing for a long time; it must have been at least two hours. I think he used just about every toy he owned. My legs were stiff. My arms ached from
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