him, wondering if his plans for lunch involved a stop at the hourly motel. The tawdriness of it crippled her heart even more. She wasnât sure she could go through with it.
Minimum involvement, maximum fun needed a stone-cold heart. And so far, from the hurt she felt inside, hers still had a bit of warmth in it.
âBetween ten and ten-thirty, okay?â
âSure. Sweet dreams.â She made to walk away, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. He kissed her. She wanted the willpower to cut it short, but instead, her need grew for more. He seemed to trigger her like some wild animal in heat.
âSee you at ten.â He finally pulled away and retreated down the road.
She turned toward the cabins and again felt the knife through her heart. There was no denying her passion for him, but she was vulnerable, especially now. She was bound to make the wrong choices, andgoing to town with him for a quickie didnât seem like the right choice.
But when he showed up at ten, she would go with him, she knew it. He would kiss her, and she would want him. And for an hour, he would make the hurt go away, until it fired anew with a vengeance.
Nonetheless, she couldnât help feeling the irony of the situation. Hazel had lectured Kayla and the others on the âtrue purposeâ of this trip into the wilderness; now her main protégée was slinking home in the dark, guilty as sin, man scent still clinging to her.
Theyâre all asleep, she assured herself as she approached her cabin.
But somehow she knew explaining herself wouldnât be that easy. Because even she didnât understand what she had done.
Twelve
J o, shivery with cold and nervousness, seemed to step on every loud, snapping stick on the way to the cabin. Although the girls had been told they would be allowed to sleep a little later than usual in the morning, there were still only a few hoursâ rest remaining. She knew sheâd pay for her tryst with tiredness and achy muscles, but right now she was wide awake.
Recurring memories and images made her pulse race.
She knew she desired more erotic pleasure with him. Just thinking about how he felt, his hard length moving inside her, made her want to turn around and go sneak into his sleeping bag.
But his catch-you-when-I-can attitude was heart-rending. Indeed, he did shoulder heavy responsibilities as a firefighter. She knew their relationship would have to take a back seat to disaster. But the forest fires couldnât last forever. At some point the noncommittal attitude would either deepen into commitment and a real relationship, or she would know she was just another notch on the bedpost and not get her hopes up.
Deep inside, she wasnât sure she could endure being another notch. She wanted to be more important to Nick than just a fading memory of a lusty night under the stars. Yet at the moment, she had only two choices. She either had to cut and run now or risk falling more deeply into the quagmire of lust and love.
Unfortunately, as she faced the closed door of her cabin, her instincts raged for salvation. As sheâd learned from Ned, she couldnât predict him or his feelings, and she could only control her own. Certainly it would be far easier to control themâand halt themânow if she never saw him again.
Unable to decide, she pushed open the door. It was silly, yet she couldnât help feeling self-conscious. There could be no question whatsoever, if anyone saw her now, about where sheâd been, or with whom, or what theyâd been up to. She might as well have a sign taped to her: IâVE BEEN DOING IT.
The door sounded like the meow of a cat as she nudged it closed, rusted hinges protesting. Moonlightflooded the interior through both uncurtained windows, a pale, ghostly blue. It all seemed so peaceful and proper, pristine even, that she felt more guilt poke at her.
She heard the even, steady breathing of her sleeping companions.
Minimum involvement, maximum fun needed a stone-cold heart. And so far, from the hurt she felt inside, hers still had a bit of warmth in it.
âBetween ten and ten-thirty, okay?â
âSure. Sweet dreams.â She made to walk away, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. He kissed her. She wanted the willpower to cut it short, but instead, her need grew for more. He seemed to trigger her like some wild animal in heat.
âSee you at ten.â He finally pulled away and retreated down the road.
She turned toward the cabins and again felt the knife through her heart. There was no denying her passion for him, but she was vulnerable, especially now. She was bound to make the wrong choices, andgoing to town with him for a quickie didnât seem like the right choice.
But when he showed up at ten, she would go with him, she knew it. He would kiss her, and she would want him. And for an hour, he would make the hurt go away, until it fired anew with a vengeance.
Nonetheless, she couldnât help feeling the irony of the situation. Hazel had lectured Kayla and the others on the âtrue purposeâ of this trip into the wilderness; now her main protégée was slinking home in the dark, guilty as sin, man scent still clinging to her.
Theyâre all asleep, she assured herself as she approached her cabin.
But somehow she knew explaining herself wouldnât be that easy. Because even she didnât understand what she had done.
Twelve
J o, shivery with cold and nervousness, seemed to step on every loud, snapping stick on the way to the cabin. Although the girls had been told they would be allowed to sleep a little later than usual in the morning, there were still only a few hoursâ rest remaining. She knew sheâd pay for her tryst with tiredness and achy muscles, but right now she was wide awake.
Recurring memories and images made her pulse race.
She knew she desired more erotic pleasure with him. Just thinking about how he felt, his hard length moving inside her, made her want to turn around and go sneak into his sleeping bag.
But his catch-you-when-I-can attitude was heart-rending. Indeed, he did shoulder heavy responsibilities as a firefighter. She knew their relationship would have to take a back seat to disaster. But the forest fires couldnât last forever. At some point the noncommittal attitude would either deepen into commitment and a real relationship, or she would know she was just another notch on the bedpost and not get her hopes up.
Deep inside, she wasnât sure she could endure being another notch. She wanted to be more important to Nick than just a fading memory of a lusty night under the stars. Yet at the moment, she had only two choices. She either had to cut and run now or risk falling more deeply into the quagmire of lust and love.
Unfortunately, as she faced the closed door of her cabin, her instincts raged for salvation. As sheâd learned from Ned, she couldnât predict him or his feelings, and she could only control her own. Certainly it would be far easier to control themâand halt themânow if she never saw him again.
Unable to decide, she pushed open the door. It was silly, yet she couldnât help feeling self-conscious. There could be no question whatsoever, if anyone saw her now, about where sheâd been, or with whom, or what theyâd been up to. She might as well have a sign taped to her: IâVE BEEN DOING IT.
The door sounded like the meow of a cat as she nudged it closed, rusted hinges protesting. Moonlightflooded the interior through both uncurtained windows, a pale, ghostly blue. It all seemed so peaceful and proper, pristine even, that she felt more guilt poke at her.
She heard the even, steady breathing of her sleeping companions.
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