Perfectly Messy by Lizzy Charles Page B

it’s super high-pitched but,” I pause as some guy wraps his arm around Marissa’s waist for a side hug, briefly brushing her ass. “It’s never failed her.”
    “Uh. And that is why I don’t like guys.”
    “They’re not all bad.”
    “Justin’s a freak of nature, you know that.”
    “Yeah, I lucked out.” I know I have my stupid goofy grin across my face. I really did luck out with Justin. Like, pigs flew. Stars aligned. I have no idea what I did right to get such a perfect boyfriend. I don’t deserve him, but, God, I’m so happy to be with him. I dare not doubt the laws of the universe. Jen’s lucky too. She has Trish. They’re always so sweet together. I love that Jen and I can gush about our loves to one another. No one else wants to hear that stuff.
    “How’s Trish? Is she coming out with everyone tomorrow night?” It’s crazy awesome to have my own “everyone.” Laura, Luke, Jake, Justin, me, Jen, Trish, and sometimes the guy from Justin’s Psych class, Ian. When I was friends with Marissa, I was fooled into thinking I had a group. But really, we just hopped from table to table annoying people. I’m surprised Marissa runs the act solo now.
    “Nah, she can’t make it.” Jen sighs, finally looking at me and not up at the sky. She picks at her fingernail polish, just like the night she told me she was a lesbian. I’ve learned since that rarely will Jen ruin a manicure.
    “What’s up?”
    “She’s pulling away. Taking longer to return texts, phone calls.” She shakes her head. “Ever since I mentioned coming out together at the winter formal. She’s just… changed.”
    “Has she come out at her school yet?”
    “I thought so? I mean, her friends know. Just like my friends know. Her parents know… I don’t get it. It’s really confusing.”
    “Have you tried talking to her about it?”
    “A few times. But she kind of shuts down.”
    Jen scrapes all the purple off her thumb nail. “I’m afraid she’s going to dump me.”
    “Really? Are you sure you’re reading this right?”
    “Yeah. I dunno? I’m trying to keep things consistent but special too. Little surprises here and there. Honestly, do you think I’m coming on too strong? Or not strong enough?” She nods over to Marissa. “I don’t do things like that. Maybe I’m doing it wrong?”
    “Do not use Marissa as an example, trust me.”
    “How do you balance the act with Justin?”
    “I don’t know. It sort of just unfolds.” It’s natural. How do I explain this? “I let things just happen with Justin. I acted so long in my friendship with Marissa. There isn’t enough energy left for me to act with him.”
    “Yeah,” Jen says as she gazes over at the empty brick wall.
    I reach over and squeeze her arm. “It’ll work out, Jen. It will.”
    When she looks back at me, her eyes are red. “I love her. I mean, I think I love her. How do I even know what real love is? Crap.” She wipes a tear away, making sure her mascara is still set. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
    “That’s okay. I don’t think any of us do.” Watching the doubt on Jennifer’s face rattles me. What am I saying? Don’t I know if I love Justin?
    I search my heart and everything feels solid. Yes, I love him. I do.
    But Jen’s right. How is love defined? What if we have no idea what we’re doing?
    The bell rings then and Jen forces out a smile, grabbing her books. “Thank you.”
    “No problem.” I yank myself out of my own black hole of thoughts. There’s nothing pretty down there.
    “Have fun at English. I’ll tell Justin you say hi in Calc II. Oh, crap! Justin! His birthday is in a few weeks. What are we going to do?”
    I smash my hand against my face as my gut drops. I’ve never dated a guy on his birthday before. Let alone a guy I loved. And his eighteenth birthday? It’d be easy to say I’ll just throw a huge drunk party. That’d be the cliché way. But Justin’s not like that. Plus, I know his family will want to