even though it was my name, it sounded so impersonal.
When we finally got to my tiny one-bedroom apartment, it was close to midnight. It was the perfect place for me. I was thrilled when I happened across the small space located directly above an exotic coffee shop. Not only did I get delicious coffee anytime I wanted it, but my apartment always smelled great.
The rent was cheap and it included water and sewer. I couldn’t very well pass that up. I decorated it to fit my taste, buying most of my stuff from Target, and I settled right on in. It felt like home to me. Sydney even came to stay the night on some weekends when I wasn’t slammed with schoolwork.
Zeke helped carry bags upstairs the best he could, and I didn’t say anything when he cussed himself for not being able to carry more. He was such an independent guy. I hated seeing him struggle so much. I moved quickly up and down the stairs with more bags than my poor arms could handle just so he wouldn’t have to try so hard.
He looked like a giant in my tiny space. When I first rented the apartment , I remember thinking how big the living room space was, but the minute I shut the front door and took a look at the space including him, I knew I’d been wrong about the size of the room.
“So what now?” he asked.
He looked awkward standing there.
“Well, welcome home,” I said as I wrapped my arms around his waist.
He squeezed me back and I enjoyed the moment. When I leaned back and looked up at him, I expected him to kiss me. Instead, the side of his mouth lifted in a forced smile and he looked away like he wasn’t interested.
I pushed away and ran my fingers through my hair. “I’m going to take a shower. Make yourself at home.”
As soon as I got in the bathroom, I pulled out my cell and called Hope.
“What’s up, soccer star? Where the hell you been? Coach has been kicking our asses on the field.”
I turned on the shower water so Zeke wouldn’t hear me.
“Sorry. I had some business to take care of out of town. I just got back. Listen, Hope, do you have any more of those pills. I hate to ask, but … you know?”
The line grew silent and I could feel the panic starting at the base of my spine. What if she didn’t have any more? What if she couldn’t get more? I’d started to depend on that tiny pill to help me feel better. I hated those stupid episodes.
“Damn, Patience , I wish you called me yesterday. Mom’s all out and I have nothing, but do you have any money?”
“I have a little. Why?”
“There’s this guy I know. I can get you something similar from him for twenty bucks if you want?”
“Something similar?”
“Yeah. It’s just a little stronger so you can take half and get the full effect. It’s nothing dangerous, chick. I wouldn’t do that to you. So, do you want me to call him?”
This was a new low for me. Buying drugs from some guy I didn’t know wasn’t something I wanted to do, but I needed to. The thought of going into a panic attack in the middle of class or right before taking the field made me panic more. I didn’t want Zeke to know I was half bat-shit crazy, and with him living with me now, finding out was a very real possibility if I didn’t have any of what I liked to call my “chill pills.”
“Yeah, call him.”
After a long, hot shower, I found Zeke asleep on the couch. When I tried to wake him, he complained and rolled over. I wanted him in my bed, but at the same time, I didn’t want to bother him. With his hand being the way it was, he rarely slept much anymore.
I pulled all of our bags into the bedroom and threw them into the corner until tomorrow. I climbed into my bed, turned on my TV, and adjusted the sleep timer, and then I went to sleep.
A loud banging on the front door woke me the next morning. I was almost fully awake when I could hear Hope’s voice in the living room.
“What the fuck, dude? This is my girl’s house. I don’t know who the hell you are, but let me in or I
When we finally got to my tiny one-bedroom apartment, it was close to midnight. It was the perfect place for me. I was thrilled when I happened across the small space located directly above an exotic coffee shop. Not only did I get delicious coffee anytime I wanted it, but my apartment always smelled great.
The rent was cheap and it included water and sewer. I couldn’t very well pass that up. I decorated it to fit my taste, buying most of my stuff from Target, and I settled right on in. It felt like home to me. Sydney even came to stay the night on some weekends when I wasn’t slammed with schoolwork.
Zeke helped carry bags upstairs the best he could, and I didn’t say anything when he cussed himself for not being able to carry more. He was such an independent guy. I hated seeing him struggle so much. I moved quickly up and down the stairs with more bags than my poor arms could handle just so he wouldn’t have to try so hard.
He looked like a giant in my tiny space. When I first rented the apartment , I remember thinking how big the living room space was, but the minute I shut the front door and took a look at the space including him, I knew I’d been wrong about the size of the room.
“So what now?” he asked.
He looked awkward standing there.
“Well, welcome home,” I said as I wrapped my arms around his waist.
He squeezed me back and I enjoyed the moment. When I leaned back and looked up at him, I expected him to kiss me. Instead, the side of his mouth lifted in a forced smile and he looked away like he wasn’t interested.
I pushed away and ran my fingers through my hair. “I’m going to take a shower. Make yourself at home.”
As soon as I got in the bathroom, I pulled out my cell and called Hope.
“What’s up, soccer star? Where the hell you been? Coach has been kicking our asses on the field.”
I turned on the shower water so Zeke wouldn’t hear me.
“Sorry. I had some business to take care of out of town. I just got back. Listen, Hope, do you have any more of those pills. I hate to ask, but … you know?”
The line grew silent and I could feel the panic starting at the base of my spine. What if she didn’t have any more? What if she couldn’t get more? I’d started to depend on that tiny pill to help me feel better. I hated those stupid episodes.
“Damn, Patience , I wish you called me yesterday. Mom’s all out and I have nothing, but do you have any money?”
“I have a little. Why?”
“There’s this guy I know. I can get you something similar from him for twenty bucks if you want?”
“Something similar?”
“Yeah. It’s just a little stronger so you can take half and get the full effect. It’s nothing dangerous, chick. I wouldn’t do that to you. So, do you want me to call him?”
This was a new low for me. Buying drugs from some guy I didn’t know wasn’t something I wanted to do, but I needed to. The thought of going into a panic attack in the middle of class or right before taking the field made me panic more. I didn’t want Zeke to know I was half bat-shit crazy, and with him living with me now, finding out was a very real possibility if I didn’t have any of what I liked to call my “chill pills.”
“Yeah, call him.”
After a long, hot shower, I found Zeke asleep on the couch. When I tried to wake him, he complained and rolled over. I wanted him in my bed, but at the same time, I didn’t want to bother him. With his hand being the way it was, he rarely slept much anymore.
I pulled all of our bags into the bedroom and threw them into the corner until tomorrow. I climbed into my bed, turned on my TV, and adjusted the sleep timer, and then I went to sleep.
A loud banging on the front door woke me the next morning. I was almost fully awake when I could hear Hope’s voice in the living room.
“What the fuck, dude? This is my girl’s house. I don’t know who the hell you are, but let me in or I
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