Perfect Collision by Lina Andersson Page B

bull and you know it. You'd figure out pretty fucking fast if it's still just a schoolgirl crush, but I don't think it is.”
    Mitch was one of those people who slid through life and got by through pure fucking luck. There wasn't much he took seriously except the club and his family. He'd been much more sure than Mac about becoming a Marauder, too. He hadn't hesitated for a second, and definitely didn't see any point in doing it anywhere but home. He'd been a prospect by the time he was twenty-one and was already close to patching in. They were different in many ways, but at the same time there was no one who knew Mac better. No one he was closer to.
    “Wanna tell me what happened?” Mitch asked.
    “I kissed her when she inked me, then I freaked her out, and that was pretty much it.”
    “Freaked her out?”
    “I shoved my dick against her.”
    Mitch stared at him. “Tell me you didn't whip it out?”
    “Jesus, no !” He couldn't help himself; he laughed so hard, and when he finally calmed down he dried his eyes. “I'm not that fucking stupid.”
    “Good. Got worried there for a second. Is this why she's avoiding the clubhouse?”
    “Think that's a safe bet.”
    “Seriously, you need to do something . You can't leave her hanging. You need to at least talk to her.”
    “I know.”
    Of course he knew that. He just had no fucking idea what to say, and he was definitely not convinced he would be able to talk to her without trying to kiss her and freaking her out again. He could hardly think about her without wanting to kiss her. But Mitch was right. He needed to talk to her, it wasn't right to leave it like this. He decided to do it the next day. Just get it over with.
     
    -o0o-
     
    It had been a month since that stupid kiss, and I was still avoiding the clubhouse in general and Mac in particular. I'd also been thinking a lot about sex and the fact that I'd never had it, and—just a lot.
    More than usual.
    A lot more than usual.
    Sex was very confusing to me. I lived around guys who had it all the time. Girls were hanging in the clubhouse, just waiting for one of the men to want them.
    I wasn't stupid. I knew life wasn't like in the movies, where people struggled to get together, and the happy ever after with a beautiful sunset behind the kissing couple as the movie ended. From what I could, the kiss wasn't the end. The kiss was when things started to get complicated. Or when people got married. That seemed to be the really hard stuff—to make it last.
    I felt like I had some idea about relationships, how they worked, or... were supposed to work in theory. The sex part on the other hand... that confused me. Especially how it seemed to be my main focus in life. Which didn't seem like a very girl thing to think about. Like, when a cute guy walked into the shop, and I immediately thought about him naked. Neither did touching oneself. All that seemed to be more of a guy thing.
    When it all made my head feel like it was about to burst, I waited until Trixie and I were alone at the shop, but before Dad came to pick me up, and then just went for it.
    “This might sound weird, and you can tell me to go fuck myself, but do you... you know... touch yourself?” She looked stunned, and I just kept going without waiting for her to answer. “Just, 'cause, you know, guys talk about jerking off all the time. How they jizzed all over the bathroom mirror, or jerked off thinking about a girl, or how some girl's ass is in their spank bank. Girls never talk about it. I've never heard a girl say, 'hey, look at that bulge, I'm gonna put that in my rub scrub.'”
    It bugged me, that guys were so open—too open—about their masturbating, and I'd honestly never heard a girl talking about it. When teachers had talked about in school, it was to tell us it was perfectly natural and nothing to be embarrassed or worried about. Which made me think I probably should worry about it, since apparently everyone else did. I knew it happened in