Perfect by Ellen Hopkins Page A

the implants, Xavier
promised. Everyone will want you then.
    Everyone will want me. And I want
that. If the price tag is going hungry,
    or making a few alterations, it’s all good.
When everyone wants me, those stupid
    girls at school will be sorry they made fun
of me. When everyone wants me, Patrick
    will have to shut his mouth. When everyone
wants me, maybe Conner will want me too.

My Heart Still Cries
    For Conner. But I have to admit
I don’t think about him every waking
    minute anymore. And I dream about
him less and less. Is this always what happens
    when someone you love leaves? They
fade away, blur into memory like childhood
    fantasies? Part of it, of course, is focusing
on my career, fine-tuning my goals, near
    and distant. I can thank Xavier for that.
Plus, having a man around to stroke
    your ego takes the edge off not having
one around to stroke the rest of you.
    I suppose that would be nice too.
And the longer Conner is out of my life,
    the more I’m starting to realize someone
else might want to make me part of theirs.

Not That I Have
    A whole lot of time for dating right now,
but if someone asked me out, I just might
    say okay. Especially if he looked like
the guy sitting two tables away. Yummy.
    Almost yummy enough to distract me
from the reason I’m here. Namely, lunch
    with Dad and Shiloh, who have just arrived.
Rose’s is a small place, so I couldn’t hide
even if I wanted to. Dad spots me right
away. There’s my girl. Where’s your sister?
    I’m not exactly sure Jenna is planning
to join us. But I say, “Late, as usual.”
He sits across the table, putting Shiloh
next to me. You must be Kendra, she says.
Your dad talks about you and Jenna
all the time. I’m glad to meet for real.
    Up close, she’s younger than I thought.
Way to go, Dad. “Uh, yeah. Me too.”
    Also on closer view, Dad’s mustache has
silvered and he has gained a pound or ten.
What’s good here? he asks, scanning
the upscale soup, salad, and sandwich menu.
    Does he not remember our pre-theater family
meals at Rose’s? “Pretty much everything.”
    I look up from my own menu just in
time to catch Shiloh checking me out.
She blushes, but doesn’t look away. So,
what are you getting? Maybe she wants
    diet tips? She could use a few. “A half
spinach salad.” Hold the bacon, egg, and
    dressing. One cup spinach, seven calories.
A few bites of avocado. A skinny lunch.

We Debate
    Waiting for Jenna. After ten minutes,
Dad decides to go ahead and order.
    Meanwhile, unfortunately, it seems it’s
time for small talk. I mention Xavier,
    and (just loudly enough so Mr. Yummy
can hear) tell them about my fast-tracked
    runway career. “Xavier says I’ll make over
fifty grand next year. And that’s just to start.”
Shiloh (who named her that ?) sits, shaking her
head. Unlikely. And modeling is tough work.
    Anger spatters like hot oil in cool water.
“Really? What would you know about it?”
Dad intervenes. Don’t get your back up.
Shiloh is in the business. Sort of, anyway.
I design costumes for showroom shows,
she says. I know the business inside out.

I Wouldn’t Exactly
    Equate the two, but I guess I’ll keep
my mouth shut. Or change the subject.
Dad, however, beats me to it. What
about college? Won’t it be hard to keep up?
    “I’m going to take a couple of semesters
off. Put some money away. You know.”
The tips of Dad’s ears flare. I haven’t
seen that in a while. Have you discussed
this with your mother? I don’t think
she’s going to be very happy about it.
    “Mom doesn’t care what I do,” I fire
back, not that the assessment is even close
    to accurate. “And why do you suddenly
give half a damn?” Our eyes interlock.
I never stopped being your father,
Kendra. I never stopped caring.

He Excuses Himself
    And goes off to the restroom about
thirty seconds before lunch arrives.
    Shiloh and I stare at our plates for
a long minute or two. Finally she says,
You really have no clue how much
he misses you, or how