as much chance of being a movie star as I had being a pro
quarterback.
"Do
not quit your day job," Norbert said to Brian.
"What?"
Norbert
shrugged. "I do not know what that expression means, but humans say it
often in Los Angeles."
"Oh."
"Working
another Sudoku?" I said.
Brian
loved those puzzles. He bragged that he was the top Sudoku solver in Austin. Brian needed a life. Of course, I was one to talk.
"Trying.
This one's super hard. I can't figure it out."
"You
ever do one of these?" I asked Norbert.
"I
have never seen one of those. What is it?"
"A
Japanese number puzzle," Brian said.
He
flipped the book around so Norbert could see the puzzle.
"There's
nine spaces in each row and column," Brian said, "and nine
three-by-three grids with nine spaces in each grid. The object is to use the
numbers one through nine in each row, column, and grid."
Norbert
stared at the puzzle but held his hand out to Brian.
"Writing
instrument."
Brian
slapped his pencil in Norbert's hand like Mom slapping a scalpel into a
surgeon's hand, but he chuckled.
"Dude,
you can't just look at a Sudoku for like, ten seconds then fill in theâ"
"Like
this?"
Norbert
handed the puzzle back to Brian. He had filled in the entire grid. Perfectly.
Brian wasn't chuckling now. He was frowning again. He stared at the puzzle then
up at Norbert.
"Dudeâhow'd
you do that?"
Norbert
shrugged. "It is simple."
We
left Brian scratching his head and walked down the sidewalk to Jo's where Guillermo
called out to me from inside the little green building.
"Yo,
dog!"
I
waved back.
"Why
does he refer to you as a member of the canine species?" Norbert asked.
"Oh,
dog, that's just another expression for friend."
"Dude
and dog. Odd terminology."
We
walked down to the light in front of Blackmail and crossed back over South
Congress then walked past Amy's. But Norbert abruptly stopped at the flavor
board.
"Let
us have ice cream," he said. "I would like white chocolate with
sprinkles in a chocolate-dipped waffle cone."
"Nice
selection. But I don't have any money."
"I
do."
Norbert
dug into his pants pocket and pulled out a wad of $100 bills.
"Cha-ching."
"Man,
where'd you get all that money?"
"My
father. Is this enough for ice cream cones?"
"That's
probably enough to buy all the ice cream in the whole place."
We
ordered our cones then walked back up Congress past the Japanese restaurant called
Zen and the Continental Club where I could hear music and St. Vincent de Paul Thrift Store and to the Home Slice pizza place.
"They've
got great pizza," I said.
"What
is pizza?"
"You've
never had pizza either? Norbert, this home schooling isn't good. You gotta
get out more. Pizza's only the best food ever invented ⦠except for ice
cream ⦠and maybe hot dogs ⦠and cotton candy ⦠and â¦"
"Then
let us eat pizza."
"But
we're eating ice cream."
"We
have two hands."
"I
like the way you think, Norbert."
Norbert
bought two slices of pepperoni pizza. We ate pizza with one hand and ice cream
with the other. I had never mixed the two, but actually it was a good
combinationâexcept it gave Norbert serious gas.
We
cut over at the Baptist Church playground and ate all the way past Mrs. Cushing
bent over and tending to her flowersâ"She has a very nice garden,"
Norbert saidâand down the hill. I was stuffed by the time we got back home.
But I almost threw it all up when we cleared the hedgerow and I looked up at my
bedroom window.
Maddy
was sitting on the window sill.
"Oh,
no!"
I
had forgotten to close and lock my window. I was supposed to always do that because
there was no screen on the windowâand because Maddy might do just what she was now
doing. Her legs were dangling out the window. If she fell, she would drop
twenty feet to the driveway.
"Maddy!"
I
shouldn't have called her name. She saw me, and she smiled at me, and she let
go of the window, and she waved ⦠and she wobbled ⦠and she screamed
with
quarterback.
"Do
not quit your day job," Norbert said to Brian.
"What?"
Norbert
shrugged. "I do not know what that expression means, but humans say it
often in Los Angeles."
"Oh."
"Working
another Sudoku?" I said.
Brian
loved those puzzles. He bragged that he was the top Sudoku solver in Austin. Brian needed a life. Of course, I was one to talk.
"Trying.
This one's super hard. I can't figure it out."
"You
ever do one of these?" I asked Norbert.
"I
have never seen one of those. What is it?"
"A
Japanese number puzzle," Brian said.
He
flipped the book around so Norbert could see the puzzle.
"There's
nine spaces in each row and column," Brian said, "and nine
three-by-three grids with nine spaces in each grid. The object is to use the
numbers one through nine in each row, column, and grid."
Norbert
stared at the puzzle but held his hand out to Brian.
"Writing
instrument."
Brian
slapped his pencil in Norbert's hand like Mom slapping a scalpel into a
surgeon's hand, but he chuckled.
"Dude,
you can't just look at a Sudoku for like, ten seconds then fill in theâ"
"Like
this?"
Norbert
handed the puzzle back to Brian. He had filled in the entire grid. Perfectly.
Brian wasn't chuckling now. He was frowning again. He stared at the puzzle then
up at Norbert.
"Dudeâhow'd
you do that?"
Norbert
shrugged. "It is simple."
We
left Brian scratching his head and walked down the sidewalk to Jo's where Guillermo
called out to me from inside the little green building.
"Yo,
dog!"
I
waved back.
"Why
does he refer to you as a member of the canine species?" Norbert asked.
"Oh,
dog, that's just another expression for friend."
"Dude
and dog. Odd terminology."
We
walked down to the light in front of Blackmail and crossed back over South
Congress then walked past Amy's. But Norbert abruptly stopped at the flavor
board.
"Let
us have ice cream," he said. "I would like white chocolate with
sprinkles in a chocolate-dipped waffle cone."
"Nice
selection. But I don't have any money."
"I
do."
Norbert
dug into his pants pocket and pulled out a wad of $100 bills.
"Cha-ching."
"Man,
where'd you get all that money?"
"My
father. Is this enough for ice cream cones?"
"That's
probably enough to buy all the ice cream in the whole place."
We
ordered our cones then walked back up Congress past the Japanese restaurant called
Zen and the Continental Club where I could hear music and St. Vincent de Paul Thrift Store and to the Home Slice pizza place.
"They've
got great pizza," I said.
"What
is pizza?"
"You've
never had pizza either? Norbert, this home schooling isn't good. You gotta
get out more. Pizza's only the best food ever invented ⦠except for ice
cream ⦠and maybe hot dogs ⦠and cotton candy ⦠and â¦"
"Then
let us eat pizza."
"But
we're eating ice cream."
"We
have two hands."
"I
like the way you think, Norbert."
Norbert
bought two slices of pepperoni pizza. We ate pizza with one hand and ice cream
with the other. I had never mixed the two, but actually it was a good
combinationâexcept it gave Norbert serious gas.
We
cut over at the Baptist Church playground and ate all the way past Mrs. Cushing
bent over and tending to her flowersâ"She has a very nice garden,"
Norbert saidâand down the hill. I was stuffed by the time we got back home.
But I almost threw it all up when we cleared the hedgerow and I looked up at my
bedroom window.
Maddy
was sitting on the window sill.
"Oh,
no!"
I
had forgotten to close and lock my window. I was supposed to always do that because
there was no screen on the windowâand because Maddy might do just what she was now
doing. Her legs were dangling out the window. If she fell, she would drop
twenty feet to the driveway.
"Maddy!"
I
shouldn't have called her name. She saw me, and she smiled at me, and she let
go of the window, and she waved ⦠and she wobbled ⦠and she screamed
with
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