dexterity. You can’t stack her progression beside a flicker of personal redemption that took seven seasons and think they’re even remotely comparable.”
Bijal stared back at her.
Colleen laughed self-consciously. “You don’t have the foggiest notion what I’m talking about, do you?”
“Well, no. But I think they’re both hot. Does that count for anything?”
“It might, in a different argument. I guess you didn’t watch it.”
Bijal shook her head slowly. “No, sorry. But had I known I could meet women through it, I would have.”
“Wow.”
“What?”
Colleen leaned back and put her feet on the coffee table. “You know how they say dogs are food-motivated? You’re apparently snatch-motivated.”
“I know it may seem that way, but I’m not really. Now, my roommate Fran is a different story.”
“The dry-humping Democrat?”
“Um, yeah. Can we forget that happened?” Bijal asked with a wince.
“Which part?”
Bijal mulled the question over for a moment. “You know, every time I meet up with you, something humiliating happens. Can we rewind all the way back to the beginning and start over?”
“But then how would I explain you naked in my living room?”
The only sound audible for nearly a minute was the loud ticking of the clock on the wall.
“This is really good tea,” Bijal finally said.
“I’m glad you like it.”
“What brand is it?”
“I think it’s called subject-changer tea.”
Bijal chuckled as she swept her hair behind her ear. “I could have used this years ago. So, look. You’re remarkably gracious and nice, Colleen. Most folks would have shot someone crawling through their yard toting a video camera in the middle of the night.”
“Luckily for you, I support gun control.”
“Of course you do. May I assume that I’m safe from being executed by lethal injection while I’m here as well?”
“You may.”
“That’s a relief.”
Colleen crossed her arms. “So, let’s get right down to it, now that you know that all you’re potentially at risk of is my refusal to use fabric softener on your clothes.”
“Okay, I really have no excuse. I was clearly violating your privacy—”
“As well as trespassing.”
“Right,” Bijal said. “But I bet you’ll be surprised when you find out why.”
“Because you work for my political opponent and she wanted you to get dirt on me?”
“Well…yeah. But surprisingly, I was the catalyst for that.”
Colleen scowled. “So this was your idea?”
“No, not like that. Someone saw you and me leaving the bar together the other night and called it in to the mayor’s office.”
“That I was socializing with a member of her staff?”
“No one knew who I was, apparently. But it was enough to spark the rumor that you’re seeing someone.” Colleen seemed transfixed as Bijal spoke. “Our idiot campaign manager decided we should stake you out and try to get video of you…in a romantic situation, shall we say.”
Colleen held her hand up. “Wait, I want to make sure I get all the layers here.”
“There’s a lot,” Bijal said. “It’s like baklava.”
“Baklava made of spite and shit, perhaps.”
Bijal’s voice became a near whisper. “I’ve never had that particular kind,” she murmured.
“So even though you knew I wasn’t seeing anyone, and even though you realized that the person they suspected was my ‘date’ was actually you, you went along with their idea of spying to get some R-rated video of me in the privacy of my own home?”
“Boy, it sounds a lot worse when you say it. Look, I didn’t want some stranger peering through your windows.”
“Because having someone I’ve flirted with peer through my windows is somehow better? A gentler violation?”
“No, because I wasn’t planning on actually invading your privacy. I just intended to go through the motions because I genuinely feel like you deserve better than that.”
Colleen’s expression was inscrutable. “Then what
Bijal stared back at her.
Colleen laughed self-consciously. “You don’t have the foggiest notion what I’m talking about, do you?”
“Well, no. But I think they’re both hot. Does that count for anything?”
“It might, in a different argument. I guess you didn’t watch it.”
Bijal shook her head slowly. “No, sorry. But had I known I could meet women through it, I would have.”
“Wow.”
“What?”
Colleen leaned back and put her feet on the coffee table. “You know how they say dogs are food-motivated? You’re apparently snatch-motivated.”
“I know it may seem that way, but I’m not really. Now, my roommate Fran is a different story.”
“The dry-humping Democrat?”
“Um, yeah. Can we forget that happened?” Bijal asked with a wince.
“Which part?”
Bijal mulled the question over for a moment. “You know, every time I meet up with you, something humiliating happens. Can we rewind all the way back to the beginning and start over?”
“But then how would I explain you naked in my living room?”
The only sound audible for nearly a minute was the loud ticking of the clock on the wall.
“This is really good tea,” Bijal finally said.
“I’m glad you like it.”
“What brand is it?”
“I think it’s called subject-changer tea.”
Bijal chuckled as she swept her hair behind her ear. “I could have used this years ago. So, look. You’re remarkably gracious and nice, Colleen. Most folks would have shot someone crawling through their yard toting a video camera in the middle of the night.”
“Luckily for you, I support gun control.”
“Of course you do. May I assume that I’m safe from being executed by lethal injection while I’m here as well?”
“You may.”
“That’s a relief.”
Colleen crossed her arms. “So, let’s get right down to it, now that you know that all you’re potentially at risk of is my refusal to use fabric softener on your clothes.”
“Okay, I really have no excuse. I was clearly violating your privacy—”
“As well as trespassing.”
“Right,” Bijal said. “But I bet you’ll be surprised when you find out why.”
“Because you work for my political opponent and she wanted you to get dirt on me?”
“Well…yeah. But surprisingly, I was the catalyst for that.”
Colleen scowled. “So this was your idea?”
“No, not like that. Someone saw you and me leaving the bar together the other night and called it in to the mayor’s office.”
“That I was socializing with a member of her staff?”
“No one knew who I was, apparently. But it was enough to spark the rumor that you’re seeing someone.” Colleen seemed transfixed as Bijal spoke. “Our idiot campaign manager decided we should stake you out and try to get video of you…in a romantic situation, shall we say.”
Colleen held her hand up. “Wait, I want to make sure I get all the layers here.”
“There’s a lot,” Bijal said. “It’s like baklava.”
“Baklava made of spite and shit, perhaps.”
Bijal’s voice became a near whisper. “I’ve never had that particular kind,” she murmured.
“So even though you knew I wasn’t seeing anyone, and even though you realized that the person they suspected was my ‘date’ was actually you, you went along with their idea of spying to get some R-rated video of me in the privacy of my own home?”
“Boy, it sounds a lot worse when you say it. Look, I didn’t want some stranger peering through your windows.”
“Because having someone I’ve flirted with peer through my windows is somehow better? A gentler violation?”
“No, because I wasn’t planning on actually invading your privacy. I just intended to go through the motions because I genuinely feel like you deserve better than that.”
Colleen’s expression was inscrutable. “Then what
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