questions, though, just to get a bit more clarity on this? Just humour me...” Geraldine thought about it for a minute.
“As a coach or as a guy?”
“As a coach.”
“Oh...okay,” She said, sitting up to attention.
“Hmm, interesting,”
“What?”
“You trust me as a coach but not as a guy....”
Geraldine thought for a second. “No!!!!” she said, “I do trust you as a guy, I mean as a friend-guy... implicitly , but I respect your opinions and your methods as a coach. As a guy, I think you’re as clueless as I am sometimes. But when you slip into coaching mode, it’s as if something else takes over...something, I don’t know ...wiser. It’s like you’re channelling or something... And I suppose I trust that more... That’s all...” Ben looked slightly hurt for a second, but recovered quickly.
“Okay, so, I’m going to pretend you never said that and just move on.... in ... coaching mode, avoiding at all costs, my baser and clearly more flawed perceptions as a mere human being.”
“Yeah, okay whatever. Moving swiftly along...!” Ben rolled his eyes in a show of exasperation for a second, before sighing and slumping his shoulders in mock-defeat.” They both started giggling.
“Okay, so when you gave him your number, did you think to yourself, this is it!! This is the one? ”
“Well, no...not exactly, but I don’t think I necessarily will think that straight away, will I?”
“I don’t know; it’s your process...your story.” Geraldine cringed slightly. Ugh! That word again. “Okay, when you thought about him yesterday, did you get all ...excited at the thought of him calling you?”
“Yes, of course... very! ! I’m not sure what you’re getting at here.”
“Okay, just stay with it, that’s good. Excitement is good. But is he beginning to seem more attractive, more exciting and even more like he’s the one, with each hour that passes without a call from him?”
“Oh my God, yes!!!”
“And yet, absolutely nothing has changed. Except that your affection for him has doubled.”
“Well, yes, I suppose so.”
“Okay, last question. Apart from not calling you, has he done anything at all to earn this deepening of your affections...?”
“No. No, he hasn’t, has he? Wow!”
“And what do you remember about him? What was it that you found so appealing?”
“Well, he had nice eyes, a lovely smile and he seemed to have a really nice energy and to be a really good person with similar values.”
“Okay, all good, all positive things. I can understand you learning to love him for those things, when you’ve spent a lot of time really getting to know him, and figuring out if those things are for real. You know... when he’s earned your trust and proven that he really is who you believe him to be. The person he appears to be in a ten minute seminar coffee-break!!
But so far, you’ve spent a lot more time away from him, wanting him to call, than the time you've actually spent with him. And yet, you've almost convinced yourself you're in love with the guy! So what you’re actually saying is that the most attractive thing about him right now ...is his unavailability to you? Once again - and this isn’t a criticism in any way - you’re falling in love with an idea and not a real person. You’re simply intoxicated by the myth of Toby... and the thrill of the unattainable.”
Geraldine was stunned. “Oh God Ben...there’s just no hope for me, is there?” she said, slumping into a chair with her coffee. Ben smiled sympathetically, and handed her a bowl of coconut yoghurt with fruit, organic oats, nuts and a splash of agave nectar.
“Let’s just go along on Thursday. See how it feels to have lots of choice and just ...keep your
“As a coach or as a guy?”
“As a coach.”
“Oh...okay,” She said, sitting up to attention.
“Hmm, interesting,”
“What?”
“You trust me as a coach but not as a guy....”
Geraldine thought for a second. “No!!!!” she said, “I do trust you as a guy, I mean as a friend-guy... implicitly , but I respect your opinions and your methods as a coach. As a guy, I think you’re as clueless as I am sometimes. But when you slip into coaching mode, it’s as if something else takes over...something, I don’t know ...wiser. It’s like you’re channelling or something... And I suppose I trust that more... That’s all...” Ben looked slightly hurt for a second, but recovered quickly.
“Okay, so, I’m going to pretend you never said that and just move on.... in ... coaching mode, avoiding at all costs, my baser and clearly more flawed perceptions as a mere human being.”
“Yeah, okay whatever. Moving swiftly along...!” Ben rolled his eyes in a show of exasperation for a second, before sighing and slumping his shoulders in mock-defeat.” They both started giggling.
“Okay, so when you gave him your number, did you think to yourself, this is it!! This is the one? ”
“Well, no...not exactly, but I don’t think I necessarily will think that straight away, will I?”
“I don’t know; it’s your process...your story.” Geraldine cringed slightly. Ugh! That word again. “Okay, when you thought about him yesterday, did you get all ...excited at the thought of him calling you?”
“Yes, of course... very! ! I’m not sure what you’re getting at here.”
“Okay, just stay with it, that’s good. Excitement is good. But is he beginning to seem more attractive, more exciting and even more like he’s the one, with each hour that passes without a call from him?”
“Oh my God, yes!!!”
“And yet, absolutely nothing has changed. Except that your affection for him has doubled.”
“Well, yes, I suppose so.”
“Okay, last question. Apart from not calling you, has he done anything at all to earn this deepening of your affections...?”
“No. No, he hasn’t, has he? Wow!”
“And what do you remember about him? What was it that you found so appealing?”
“Well, he had nice eyes, a lovely smile and he seemed to have a really nice energy and to be a really good person with similar values.”
“Okay, all good, all positive things. I can understand you learning to love him for those things, when you’ve spent a lot of time really getting to know him, and figuring out if those things are for real. You know... when he’s earned your trust and proven that he really is who you believe him to be. The person he appears to be in a ten minute seminar coffee-break!!
But so far, you’ve spent a lot more time away from him, wanting him to call, than the time you've actually spent with him. And yet, you've almost convinced yourself you're in love with the guy! So what you’re actually saying is that the most attractive thing about him right now ...is his unavailability to you? Once again - and this isn’t a criticism in any way - you’re falling in love with an idea and not a real person. You’re simply intoxicated by the myth of Toby... and the thrill of the unattainable.”
Geraldine was stunned. “Oh God Ben...there’s just no hope for me, is there?” she said, slumping into a chair with her coffee. Ben smiled sympathetically, and handed her a bowl of coconut yoghurt with fruit, organic oats, nuts and a splash of agave nectar.
“Let’s just go along on Thursday. See how it feels to have lots of choice and just ...keep your
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