enough of those experiences. He wanted a total relationship. If it took endless patience to overcome her fears and gain her trust, then he’d had plenty of experience honing that skill in the military. He wanted time together to build a friendship that led to intimate companionship with commitment.
With the possibility to explore that world at his fingertips, he felt a wall of uncertainty build. Make no mistake—he wanted what the man before him had had—a woman who loved him so much she’d spent two years before dipping her toe in the dating pool.
He put a lot on her shoulders in what he hoped, suspected, might lie in a deep connection with her. For once in his life, a meaningful relationship hinged on Jess, the person, and who he had become. No longer could he rely on his physical appearance to tip the scale. He didn’t have the swagger that made him the old Jess. He had a chest peppered with silky scars like his hand.
None of this compared to the other—the damned stump. Talk about a kick to the balls. He still had trouble seeing the stump and not feeling it belonged to someone else. Then above that, where muscles once bulged, a bicep half the size of his other arm no matter how much exercise he attempted to reverse the atrophy.
Could Madeleine handle it and still see him as a man? Was he brave enough to find out?
The thought made his shoulders slump. Up until bumping into Madeleine in the bakery door, he’d preoccupied himself with his job. Work that piled up because his mind focused on the pursuit of a woman who had repeatedly rejected him then did a 360 last night. The day before the anniversary of her husband’s death. After a lay off. Her mother in an accident.
Never one to kid himself, there remained another more destructive fear. Did he try to win her heart because he knew she would reject him? Then he wouldn’t have to face the moment he stood before her without the security of clothing or a fake arm? From her, that rejection would do severe damage.
Jess released the hard hold of the cell phone in his hand and set it on the desk. Maybe he should back off and take a breather. Make sure he knew what he wanted. Tunneling his fingers through his hair, he hauled in a deep breath. Letting it out slow, he hated to admit with the prize in his sights, his insecurities were raising their ugly heads.
He needed time to think.
The question became, how much time could he take to regroup before she changed her mind again?
A pile of work sat before him. Picking up a small box of parts sent him by a customer, he headed back to the shop and his foreman’s glassed-in cubicle. If they could tool the small gear to precision, it would be a good order. One that would repeat itself over the years to come with reorders.
His mind wandered.
In order to wrap his energy around work, he needed to figure out how to respond to Madeleine. Tonight wasn’t going to work. Not on the anniversary of her husband’s death. He had to tell her something. He told her he would call. No different than his father, he would blame work for being unavailable.
He stepped into a quiet corner to tap out the text message.
Let the holidays pass, he thought. Then he’d check back with her the first of the year and see how things were going. See if she’d gotten a job or would work in the bakery for a spell. Try asking her on a date again. If she refused, it was over.
****
Madeleine’s icy fingers shook as she read his message. Somehow, she had hoped he would call, not text, so she could explain it didn’t feel right to go out on such an important and sad day in her life. Could they make a plan for another day? Then he’d know she was serious about seeing him again. Pulse throbbed at her throat. Still, she wasn’t buying his lame excuse. That hurt most thinking he’d had a change of heart about her. Jess had a sensitive punctual nature. No way would he cancel dinner with Tamara, Jamal, and Crystal for work.
Her emotions tangled in a
With the possibility to explore that world at his fingertips, he felt a wall of uncertainty build. Make no mistake—he wanted what the man before him had had—a woman who loved him so much she’d spent two years before dipping her toe in the dating pool.
He put a lot on her shoulders in what he hoped, suspected, might lie in a deep connection with her. For once in his life, a meaningful relationship hinged on Jess, the person, and who he had become. No longer could he rely on his physical appearance to tip the scale. He didn’t have the swagger that made him the old Jess. He had a chest peppered with silky scars like his hand.
None of this compared to the other—the damned stump. Talk about a kick to the balls. He still had trouble seeing the stump and not feeling it belonged to someone else. Then above that, where muscles once bulged, a bicep half the size of his other arm no matter how much exercise he attempted to reverse the atrophy.
Could Madeleine handle it and still see him as a man? Was he brave enough to find out?
The thought made his shoulders slump. Up until bumping into Madeleine in the bakery door, he’d preoccupied himself with his job. Work that piled up because his mind focused on the pursuit of a woman who had repeatedly rejected him then did a 360 last night. The day before the anniversary of her husband’s death. After a lay off. Her mother in an accident.
Never one to kid himself, there remained another more destructive fear. Did he try to win her heart because he knew she would reject him? Then he wouldn’t have to face the moment he stood before her without the security of clothing or a fake arm? From her, that rejection would do severe damage.
Jess released the hard hold of the cell phone in his hand and set it on the desk. Maybe he should back off and take a breather. Make sure he knew what he wanted. Tunneling his fingers through his hair, he hauled in a deep breath. Letting it out slow, he hated to admit with the prize in his sights, his insecurities were raising their ugly heads.
He needed time to think.
The question became, how much time could he take to regroup before she changed her mind again?
A pile of work sat before him. Picking up a small box of parts sent him by a customer, he headed back to the shop and his foreman’s glassed-in cubicle. If they could tool the small gear to precision, it would be a good order. One that would repeat itself over the years to come with reorders.
His mind wandered.
In order to wrap his energy around work, he needed to figure out how to respond to Madeleine. Tonight wasn’t going to work. Not on the anniversary of her husband’s death. He had to tell her something. He told her he would call. No different than his father, he would blame work for being unavailable.
He stepped into a quiet corner to tap out the text message.
Let the holidays pass, he thought. Then he’d check back with her the first of the year and see how things were going. See if she’d gotten a job or would work in the bakery for a spell. Try asking her on a date again. If she refused, it was over.
****
Madeleine’s icy fingers shook as she read his message. Somehow, she had hoped he would call, not text, so she could explain it didn’t feel right to go out on such an important and sad day in her life. Could they make a plan for another day? Then he’d know she was serious about seeing him again. Pulse throbbed at her throat. Still, she wasn’t buying his lame excuse. That hurt most thinking he’d had a change of heart about her. Jess had a sensitive punctual nature. No way would he cancel dinner with Tamara, Jamal, and Crystal for work.
Her emotions tangled in a
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