this.
* * * *
A few hours later the rush had faded. I was adorned with bruises and a satisfying ache that had been so worth it. I stretched languorously and yawned. Arys lay sprawled beside me. He was propped up with his head on one hand, watching me closely. Too closely. It made me wary.
The sound of Shaz moving and banging around in the kitchen reached us from the main floor. He'd gone up to take a shower and make some coffee. I kept waiting for the rich aroma to reach me.
The silence started to grow awkward when Arys continued to stare at me, a look of quiet contemplation on his face. I couldn't help but tense up. I was actually tempted to reach out to him mentally, to touch his mind. I hated opening the mental door between us but I wanted to know why he was looking at me like that. I changed my mind. I didn't even try it.
“You're giving me that look, like you can't figure me out,” Arys said with a knowing grin. “Don't you know me better than that?”
This was the first moment we'd had alone since the night we'd argued about Harley. I was nervous. “I do know you, Arys. So I know that when you look at me like that, it's because there's something you want to say. The question is, do I want to hear it?”
He was suddenly so serious it almost frightened me. I clutched the blanket tightly, holding it against my chest.
“Alexa … about the other day. I want to apologize. As soon as you mentioned him, I couldn't think straight. I don't think I handled it all that well.” Arys picked anxiously at a fluff on the blanket. I noted his careful avoidance of Harley's name. “I don't want things to be strained between us in any way. I can't live with that.”
“No, if anyone should apologize it should probably be me. I know better than to even mention something like that.” I forced myself to make eye contact when the rising guilt made it difficult. It was a good thing I hadn't tried to get inside his mind. I'd never be able to hide thoughts of Harley from him then. I hated hiding anything from Arys, but this was something he just couldn't know about right now.
“Look,” Arys fumbled for words. “You are free to do whatever you wish, but you have my heart now. That's new for me. You've seen my past yourself. Love was not a big part of it. So, I worry about you. And, I don't trust him.”
“Then trust me.” The words came out more pleading than I'd intended. I blinked, praying he wouldn't see the truth in my eyes. “I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just want answers.”
“I can't control you, but it's in my nature to try just as it is in yours to resist.” His tone held much anguish, and I reached for him. He put his hand in mine, squeezing it reassuringly. “I can't make your choices for you or stop you from doing anything that you feel you need to. We don't need to rehash this again. I just want you to know that the thought of you anywhere near him hurts me. It's ridiculous, and I feel like a jackass, but it's true.”
There was shame in his eyes, and my heart broke for him. Why did he have to wait until after I'd arranged a deal with Harley to tell me this? What was I supposed to do?
Tell him, or just forget everything?
Sure, Arys could do some great things. The little healing trick was a beneficial one for sure. His problem was that he wouldn't admit that he needed answers too. We'd both gained new abilities after bonding our power and our blood as well as some serious side effects. I wasn't sure why it was more important to me. Maybe because I had already had my ass kicked and controlled by the power I held. That had to stop.
I couldn't let him feel like that. Arys deserved to be free in love, not trapped in chains by his own fears. “Arys, don't ever think how you feel is wrong. If something affects you, spit it out. Holding it in will blow up in your face.” I looked down at our joined hands. I felt like such an asshole for rushing to see Harley because Arys had upset me.
* * * *
A few hours later the rush had faded. I was adorned with bruises and a satisfying ache that had been so worth it. I stretched languorously and yawned. Arys lay sprawled beside me. He was propped up with his head on one hand, watching me closely. Too closely. It made me wary.
The sound of Shaz moving and banging around in the kitchen reached us from the main floor. He'd gone up to take a shower and make some coffee. I kept waiting for the rich aroma to reach me.
The silence started to grow awkward when Arys continued to stare at me, a look of quiet contemplation on his face. I couldn't help but tense up. I was actually tempted to reach out to him mentally, to touch his mind. I hated opening the mental door between us but I wanted to know why he was looking at me like that. I changed my mind. I didn't even try it.
“You're giving me that look, like you can't figure me out,” Arys said with a knowing grin. “Don't you know me better than that?”
This was the first moment we'd had alone since the night we'd argued about Harley. I was nervous. “I do know you, Arys. So I know that when you look at me like that, it's because there's something you want to say. The question is, do I want to hear it?”
He was suddenly so serious it almost frightened me. I clutched the blanket tightly, holding it against my chest.
“Alexa … about the other day. I want to apologize. As soon as you mentioned him, I couldn't think straight. I don't think I handled it all that well.” Arys picked anxiously at a fluff on the blanket. I noted his careful avoidance of Harley's name. “I don't want things to be strained between us in any way. I can't live with that.”
“No, if anyone should apologize it should probably be me. I know better than to even mention something like that.” I forced myself to make eye contact when the rising guilt made it difficult. It was a good thing I hadn't tried to get inside his mind. I'd never be able to hide thoughts of Harley from him then. I hated hiding anything from Arys, but this was something he just couldn't know about right now.
“Look,” Arys fumbled for words. “You are free to do whatever you wish, but you have my heart now. That's new for me. You've seen my past yourself. Love was not a big part of it. So, I worry about you. And, I don't trust him.”
“Then trust me.” The words came out more pleading than I'd intended. I blinked, praying he wouldn't see the truth in my eyes. “I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just want answers.”
“I can't control you, but it's in my nature to try just as it is in yours to resist.” His tone held much anguish, and I reached for him. He put his hand in mine, squeezing it reassuringly. “I can't make your choices for you or stop you from doing anything that you feel you need to. We don't need to rehash this again. I just want you to know that the thought of you anywhere near him hurts me. It's ridiculous, and I feel like a jackass, but it's true.”
There was shame in his eyes, and my heart broke for him. Why did he have to wait until after I'd arranged a deal with Harley to tell me this? What was I supposed to do?
Tell him, or just forget everything?
Sure, Arys could do some great things. The little healing trick was a beneficial one for sure. His problem was that he wouldn't admit that he needed answers too. We'd both gained new abilities after bonding our power and our blood as well as some serious side effects. I wasn't sure why it was more important to me. Maybe because I had already had my ass kicked and controlled by the power I held. That had to stop.
I couldn't let him feel like that. Arys deserved to be free in love, not trapped in chains by his own fears. “Arys, don't ever think how you feel is wrong. If something affects you, spit it out. Holding it in will blow up in your face.” I looked down at our joined hands. I felt like such an asshole for rushing to see Harley because Arys had upset me.
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