chairs and dole out enormous noise-canceling headphones to all twenty-five men—well, twenty-four, since one had made an untimely exit. For this next segment, Johnny would interview Bea about her impressions of the men while they sat directly behind her, listening to loud music and unable to hear a word she said. For the following segment, though, the dynamic would be reversed, and Bea would be forced to sit in ignorance while the whole group talked about her.
“So, Bea.” Johnny leaned in conspiratorially after shouting a few childish insults at the men to make sure they couldn’t hear him. “We’re all dying to hear what you think of these men! Pretty amazing group, am I right?”
The audience clapped appreciatively, and Bea understood the game: There was only one way a fat woman was supposed to feel when a trim man paid her attention.
“I’m so grateful,” she effused. “I mean seriously, how lucky am I that these incredible men were all willing to spend time away from their jobs, their families, their lives, just for the chance to meet me? It’s overwhelming.”
The applause level rose, and Bea knew she was playing her part correctly.
“It wasn’t all smooth sailing, though, was it?” Johnny’s face was lined with faux concern. “That was the first time in
Main Squeeze
history that a suitor walked off the show before the end of the season premiere.”
And that’s the headline Lauren’s PR machine will be pitching the second this episode is over,
Bea thought bitterly.
“How did you feel when he walked away?”
“Well,” Bea answered frankly, “it’s not like that was the first time that’s happened to me.”
She heard a few gasps and some titters from the audience—perhaps she’d been a little too honest.
“Really?” Johnny pressed. “You’ve had a man walk out on you that way?”
“What can I say?” Bea did her best to put on a brave face, knowing that’s what Lauren wanted. “A lot of men really care whether a woman is thin. For some men, that’s the only thing they care about. As if our entire worth can be measured in the inches of our waistlines.”
Johnny shook his head. “We’ll have to hope the rest of the men aren’t like that.”
Bea nodded, reassuring herself internally that it hardly mattered if they were.
“Okay, Bea, one last question, and I know all of America is waiting for the answer to this one: Of all the men you met tonight, who did you like the best?”
Luc sprang instantly to mind—Bea hadn’t been that attracted to any man since Ray. But she knew that wasn’t the right answer to give in this moment; Luc was too sexy, too volatile, definitely not the choice of a woman earnestly seeking her soulmate. She considered picking Jefferson, but something inside her rebelled against the idea of admitting so publicly what she privately feared: that he was the only man here who might honestly find Bea attractive. She thought back to Lauren’s advice—her job was to sell a fairy tale. It was her duty to find a Prince Charming, handsome and noble and, most important of all, capable of graciously sitting by her side for interviews for the duration of their pretend engagement. If those were the criteria, Bea knew exactly who she’d choose.
“Wyatt,” she said with a confident voice. “The way he comforted me when I was feeling down? If that’s not husband material, I don’t know what is.”
The audience applauded appreciatively, Johnny thanked Bea for her time, and they broke for commercial. Mack came to fit Bea with her giant headphones, a sad smile on his face.
“Sorry about this,” he groused as he got the earphones nice and snug.
“Come on, Mack. We’ve all got jobs to do.”
His smile faded a bit, and he clicked the headphones into noise-canceling mode. As the lights got hot and the men all around her started talking, the sounds of the set dissolved, and Bea felt the stress of the night fade into a nocturne by Chopin.
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“So, Bea.” Johnny leaned in conspiratorially after shouting a few childish insults at the men to make sure they couldn’t hear him. “We’re all dying to hear what you think of these men! Pretty amazing group, am I right?”
The audience clapped appreciatively, and Bea understood the game: There was only one way a fat woman was supposed to feel when a trim man paid her attention.
“I’m so grateful,” she effused. “I mean seriously, how lucky am I that these incredible men were all willing to spend time away from their jobs, their families, their lives, just for the chance to meet me? It’s overwhelming.”
The applause level rose, and Bea knew she was playing her part correctly.
“It wasn’t all smooth sailing, though, was it?” Johnny’s face was lined with faux concern. “That was the first time in
Main Squeeze
history that a suitor walked off the show before the end of the season premiere.”
And that’s the headline Lauren’s PR machine will be pitching the second this episode is over,
Bea thought bitterly.
“How did you feel when he walked away?”
“Well,” Bea answered frankly, “it’s not like that was the first time that’s happened to me.”
She heard a few gasps and some titters from the audience—perhaps she’d been a little too honest.
“Really?” Johnny pressed. “You’ve had a man walk out on you that way?”
“What can I say?” Bea did her best to put on a brave face, knowing that’s what Lauren wanted. “A lot of men really care whether a woman is thin. For some men, that’s the only thing they care about. As if our entire worth can be measured in the inches of our waistlines.”
Johnny shook his head. “We’ll have to hope the rest of the men aren’t like that.”
Bea nodded, reassuring herself internally that it hardly mattered if they were.
“Okay, Bea, one last question, and I know all of America is waiting for the answer to this one: Of all the men you met tonight, who did you like the best?”
Luc sprang instantly to mind—Bea hadn’t been that attracted to any man since Ray. But she knew that wasn’t the right answer to give in this moment; Luc was too sexy, too volatile, definitely not the choice of a woman earnestly seeking her soulmate. She considered picking Jefferson, but something inside her rebelled against the idea of admitting so publicly what she privately feared: that he was the only man here who might honestly find Bea attractive. She thought back to Lauren’s advice—her job was to sell a fairy tale. It was her duty to find a Prince Charming, handsome and noble and, most important of all, capable of graciously sitting by her side for interviews for the duration of their pretend engagement. If those were the criteria, Bea knew exactly who she’d choose.
“Wyatt,” she said with a confident voice. “The way he comforted me when I was feeling down? If that’s not husband material, I don’t know what is.”
The audience applauded appreciatively, Johnny thanked Bea for her time, and they broke for commercial. Mack came to fit Bea with her giant headphones, a sad smile on his face.
“Sorry about this,” he groused as he got the earphones nice and snug.
“Come on, Mack. We’ve all got jobs to do.”
His smile faded a bit, and he clicked the headphones into noise-canceling mode. As the lights got hot and the men all around her started talking, the sounds of the set dissolved, and Bea felt the stress of the night fade into a nocturne by Chopin.
SELECTED TRANSCRIPTS
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