seemed to store aquatic creatures in her nether regions and was fond of airing them in plain view. Still, a mother's training dies hard and I was always taught to mind my ways around the gentler sex.
"A lady?" Axionus laughed again. It really was a godawful noise, like a lunatic pumping bellows into a bucket of snot. "You really are new to our world aren't you? This is no lady, this is a succubus, kid. One of the lower forms. Basically she's a rancid little cooze with ideas above her station. She's also going away now or I'll have one of my boys throw her over the side."
"I really don't like your manners," I told him, stepping between the girl and Axionus, like one of the more tender types of idiot. "And you'll have to go through me if you want to lay a hand on her."
"Mind yourself boy," said the old man. "That's all very sweet but he's right about one thing, that's not some young innocent you're defending the honour of."
"That's not the point," I said, forgetting nobody else could hear him in my anger. "She doesn't deserve to be called a god damned cooze!"
"It's nice that you're looking out for me, sweetheart," the girl said, taking my arm, "though talking to yourself isn't the best way to impress. Besides, this girl can fight her own bat tles."
"Will you run along?" Axionus said, his wings beating in agitation. "I am trying to have a conversation here and your smelly quim is putting me off my point."
"Right," I said, having had more than enough of my time on the boat so far. I'd lost all claim to my own life in a hand of cards, been threatened by a dog-faced freak, talked to by an animated pecker and now a baby with wings was rubbing up against every ounce of chivalry I had in me. Young Elwyn was not a man easily provoked, but he was just about fit to pop. "That's as much as I'm willing to hear from you." That said, I punched him right in his stupid toddler's face. He bounced back against the side of the boat, his wings flapping against the windows hard enough to crack the glass.
"Shit," said the old man. "What part of 'mind yourself' did you not understand? You may be immortal but you're not unstoppable."
The two heavies jumped at me and I managed all of two punches before I found myself heaved up into the air, my legs kicking uselessly.
"If you'd like to shoot them now," I said to the old man, "I won't complain none."
"Can't do it," he said. "House rule number one."
"What?"
"No killing unless in direct self defence."
"This is pretty fucking direct!"
"But they're not threatening me, kid, they're threatening you."
"Tear his fucking legs off!" screamed Axionus, his voice even more sloppy now he had a broken nose to contend with. The blood ran thick and black over his puckered little mouth. "See how he likes that for starters."
At least the girl tried to lend a hand, kicking and slapping at one of the heavies as he tried to get a grip on my leg. It wasn't making much of a dent though but God bless her for trying.
"To hell with house rules!" I screamed. "Shoot the bastards! Please!"
The old man sighed, drew his gun and popped a lovely little bullet into each of their heads.
For a moment there was silence and confusion. Axionus and the girl were confused as to where the sound of gunfire had come from; the two heavies were confused as to why they now had an unwelcome piece of lead just above their eyes, and I was confused as to why I was still being held up in the air.
Then the moment broke as they both toppled over, taking me with them. At least I had a relatively soft landing, coming to rest on their dead bodies.
"What...?" Axionus was fluttering around in panic, his little eyes darting from left to right, trying to see who had fired.
"You weren't talking to yourself were you, strange man?" said the dancer, helping me up.
"No I wasn't," I said, "though sometimes it sure feels like it."
"You've really screwed this up now, kid," said the old man shaking his head. "House rules are taken real
"A lady?" Axionus laughed again. It really was a godawful noise, like a lunatic pumping bellows into a bucket of snot. "You really are new to our world aren't you? This is no lady, this is a succubus, kid. One of the lower forms. Basically she's a rancid little cooze with ideas above her station. She's also going away now or I'll have one of my boys throw her over the side."
"I really don't like your manners," I told him, stepping between the girl and Axionus, like one of the more tender types of idiot. "And you'll have to go through me if you want to lay a hand on her."
"Mind yourself boy," said the old man. "That's all very sweet but he's right about one thing, that's not some young innocent you're defending the honour of."
"That's not the point," I said, forgetting nobody else could hear him in my anger. "She doesn't deserve to be called a god damned cooze!"
"It's nice that you're looking out for me, sweetheart," the girl said, taking my arm, "though talking to yourself isn't the best way to impress. Besides, this girl can fight her own bat tles."
"Will you run along?" Axionus said, his wings beating in agitation. "I am trying to have a conversation here and your smelly quim is putting me off my point."
"Right," I said, having had more than enough of my time on the boat so far. I'd lost all claim to my own life in a hand of cards, been threatened by a dog-faced freak, talked to by an animated pecker and now a baby with wings was rubbing up against every ounce of chivalry I had in me. Young Elwyn was not a man easily provoked, but he was just about fit to pop. "That's as much as I'm willing to hear from you." That said, I punched him right in his stupid toddler's face. He bounced back against the side of the boat, his wings flapping against the windows hard enough to crack the glass.
"Shit," said the old man. "What part of 'mind yourself' did you not understand? You may be immortal but you're not unstoppable."
The two heavies jumped at me and I managed all of two punches before I found myself heaved up into the air, my legs kicking uselessly.
"If you'd like to shoot them now," I said to the old man, "I won't complain none."
"Can't do it," he said. "House rule number one."
"What?"
"No killing unless in direct self defence."
"This is pretty fucking direct!"
"But they're not threatening me, kid, they're threatening you."
"Tear his fucking legs off!" screamed Axionus, his voice even more sloppy now he had a broken nose to contend with. The blood ran thick and black over his puckered little mouth. "See how he likes that for starters."
At least the girl tried to lend a hand, kicking and slapping at one of the heavies as he tried to get a grip on my leg. It wasn't making much of a dent though but God bless her for trying.
"To hell with house rules!" I screamed. "Shoot the bastards! Please!"
The old man sighed, drew his gun and popped a lovely little bullet into each of their heads.
For a moment there was silence and confusion. Axionus and the girl were confused as to where the sound of gunfire had come from; the two heavies were confused as to why they now had an unwelcome piece of lead just above their eyes, and I was confused as to why I was still being held up in the air.
Then the moment broke as they both toppled over, taking me with them. At least I had a relatively soft landing, coming to rest on their dead bodies.
"What...?" Axionus was fluttering around in panic, his little eyes darting from left to right, trying to see who had fired.
"You weren't talking to yourself were you, strange man?" said the dancer, helping me up.
"No I wasn't," I said, "though sometimes it sure feels like it."
"You've really screwed this up now, kid," said the old man shaking his head. "House rules are taken real
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