something more.
“ So, Alexa, tell me how you've been feeling as we get closer to Christmas?”
“ I feel like I do every year, Dr. Fenton.” Well that wasn’t exactly true. She was sad, yes, but at the same time she wanted to move on. That alone made her feel extremely guilty.
“ Well let's talk about it.”
Alexa sighed and looked at the counselor for a few seconds before speaking again. “We’ve done this for the past few years. You know how I am feeling. I miss Terrance and Tessa. I can’t sleep at night, and when I do, I wake up from the most god awful dreams.”
The blonde just sat there with her pad and pencil, scribbling notes that Alexa would never see. She truly didn't have an issue with the doctor. After all, she was just doing her job. When the counselor looked at her over the rim of her glasses, she sighed and began reciting how she felt just as she had for the past few years.
“Do you still feel like you should have died and not them?”
God, that was a painful question to hear, let alone to answer . She flinched and looked away, taking some time to compose herself. Of course, the counselor waited patiently for her to answer. Finally, when she felt she could answer without being snippy, she looked at the other woman.
“ To be honest, I'd have to say the times where I feel like it should have been me are getting few and far between.” She wouldn't cry. “Then when I don't feel bad, it feels like a betrayal of their memory. But then I have the feeling that I should let go, and it makes me feel worse. Why should I be happy if they’re gone?”
Dr. Fenton nodded and continued to write down some notes. “Well, the fact that it is getting easier to deal with is a good thing, Alexa. This isn’t ever going to be something you just get over. However, you can make it manageable. Do you know what I mean? As for why should you be happy? Because everyone deserves happiness, and I don’t think that Terrance would begrudge you that. So think on that.”
“ I’m managing,” she said quietly. It hurt to talk, and her throat felt so parched. She could see Tessa with her beautiful green eyes, latte colored skin and curly fine auburn hair with its blond highlights. She'd been so much like her father and was gone much too soon. She realized that she had zoned out when the counselor cleared her throat. It was hard to think that the other woman could be right about Terrance wanting her to be happy. Yet at the same time, it made her breathe a bit easier.
“ As I was saying, Alexa, I need you to continue to read the books I gave you so that we can continue to have progress. You're doing so much better than before. I like the progress that I see in you. I will see you back here next month for our meeting after the holidays.”
Standing, Alexa held out her hand to the other woman and smiled as she shook her hand. She had to stop herself from releasing a sigh of relief.
“Thank you, Dr. Fenton. I'll see you next month.” The doctor released her hand, and Alexa turned and left the office. For her, this was the best part of the session, the ending. Fabulous doctor, but once more, she felt as if she didn't need this kind of help. She had to admit it felt good to say out loud that she’d been thinking about being happy, with someone else besides Terrance.
Finally back in her car, she put the key in the ignition and then pressed her head against the steering wheel. She just bawled right there in the parking lot. She cried until the tears no longer came and then she sat up, wiped her face with a tissue and then blew her nose and prepared to drive home.
She groaned as she heard her name called just as she was about to turn the key into the ignition. She tried to ignore it, but the female voice only became more urgent. If only she’d been a little quicker, she’d have gotten away and not have to talk.
“ Alexa Gray! It's been a long time. Where've you been hiding?” Alexa felt her shoulders tense, as she
“ So, Alexa, tell me how you've been feeling as we get closer to Christmas?”
“ I feel like I do every year, Dr. Fenton.” Well that wasn’t exactly true. She was sad, yes, but at the same time she wanted to move on. That alone made her feel extremely guilty.
“ Well let's talk about it.”
Alexa sighed and looked at the counselor for a few seconds before speaking again. “We’ve done this for the past few years. You know how I am feeling. I miss Terrance and Tessa. I can’t sleep at night, and when I do, I wake up from the most god awful dreams.”
The blonde just sat there with her pad and pencil, scribbling notes that Alexa would never see. She truly didn't have an issue with the doctor. After all, she was just doing her job. When the counselor looked at her over the rim of her glasses, she sighed and began reciting how she felt just as she had for the past few years.
“Do you still feel like you should have died and not them?”
God, that was a painful question to hear, let alone to answer . She flinched and looked away, taking some time to compose herself. Of course, the counselor waited patiently for her to answer. Finally, when she felt she could answer without being snippy, she looked at the other woman.
“ To be honest, I'd have to say the times where I feel like it should have been me are getting few and far between.” She wouldn't cry. “Then when I don't feel bad, it feels like a betrayal of their memory. But then I have the feeling that I should let go, and it makes me feel worse. Why should I be happy if they’re gone?”
Dr. Fenton nodded and continued to write down some notes. “Well, the fact that it is getting easier to deal with is a good thing, Alexa. This isn’t ever going to be something you just get over. However, you can make it manageable. Do you know what I mean? As for why should you be happy? Because everyone deserves happiness, and I don’t think that Terrance would begrudge you that. So think on that.”
“ I’m managing,” she said quietly. It hurt to talk, and her throat felt so parched. She could see Tessa with her beautiful green eyes, latte colored skin and curly fine auburn hair with its blond highlights. She'd been so much like her father and was gone much too soon. She realized that she had zoned out when the counselor cleared her throat. It was hard to think that the other woman could be right about Terrance wanting her to be happy. Yet at the same time, it made her breathe a bit easier.
“ As I was saying, Alexa, I need you to continue to read the books I gave you so that we can continue to have progress. You're doing so much better than before. I like the progress that I see in you. I will see you back here next month for our meeting after the holidays.”
Standing, Alexa held out her hand to the other woman and smiled as she shook her hand. She had to stop herself from releasing a sigh of relief.
“Thank you, Dr. Fenton. I'll see you next month.” The doctor released her hand, and Alexa turned and left the office. For her, this was the best part of the session, the ending. Fabulous doctor, but once more, she felt as if she didn't need this kind of help. She had to admit it felt good to say out loud that she’d been thinking about being happy, with someone else besides Terrance.
Finally back in her car, she put the key in the ignition and then pressed her head against the steering wheel. She just bawled right there in the parking lot. She cried until the tears no longer came and then she sat up, wiped her face with a tissue and then blew her nose and prepared to drive home.
She groaned as she heard her name called just as she was about to turn the key into the ignition. She tried to ignore it, but the female voice only became more urgent. If only she’d been a little quicker, she’d have gotten away and not have to talk.
“ Alexa Gray! It's been a long time. Where've you been hiding?” Alexa felt her shoulders tense, as she
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