need to tell me when you called the
other day?”
I freeze for a second, not sure if I really want to get
into this now or not.
“Morgan, have you done something wrong? Did you get in
trouble for insider trading or something?”
Wow, she is definitely lucid.
“I have to tell you something auntie and you’re not going
to like it, but I have to tell you what I’ve done. I need you auntie, like I
have never needed anyone before.”
“I’m here sweetie. Tell me what happened.”
I wasn’t really going to spill my guts like this but once
I got started I couldn’t quit. Must be the alcohol lowering my defenses because
I would have never confessed to her so easily. I tell her about the day I met
Cade and how I feel about him. I even profess love for the dethroned president
of the Iron Disciples although I’m not really sure what it means to love
another person not related to you. I tell her how I went behind Cade’s back and
ratted on him and how much I hurt him. Then I finally confess to the blackouts
and waking up to find his blood everywhere. I feel so ashamed that about half
way through my confession I begin to cry again and I just can’t turn the faucet
off. Well, not until I’ve finally vomited up everything I have done these past
ten days or so. My auntie’s a good listener, I’ll give her that. Finally I come
to a slow crumbling halt. I take a deep breath, waiting for her to come at me
with both barrels like she used to when I fucked up.
“Morgan honey, why did you call me the other day?” She
asks.
Shit!
“Could you go to the corner market and get me some kale.
I hear it has a lot of vitamin C. Are you taking enough vitamin C sweetie?”
And she’s gone again. We say our goodbyes with promises
to keep in touch but I know for my part that this is the last time we’ll be
talking on this earth. She had a few last moments of lucidity and I am grateful
she called. During my thirty or forty minutes of confession I have no idea just
how much she understood. I get the feeling that I may as well have been talking
to the wall. For a few minutes it did make me feel better unburdening my soul like
that, but now I just feel like shit again. I hobble over to the telephone and
dial room service. With any luck they’ll still be open and I can score a bottle
of wine or something. If I’m going to have any hope of sleeping I’m going to
need some help.
By midnight I’m back in bed nursing a bottle of some
moderately expensive wine. I’m sure to have a hangover tomorrow but right now I
could care less. I cannot hope to maintain any kind of grip on my sanity
without help. Everything I have done, all that I have experienced these last
ten days is sitting on the edge of my consciousness and pounding on my brain,
threatening to crush my soul into oblivion. I don’t know how people like Cade
keep functioning after everything they have done. As far as I can tell Cade
doesn’t drink very much and other than maybe a little weed he’s not really into
drugs, so how does he do it? Well…how did he did he do it?
Chapter Ten
Sweet Lucidity
An unearthly loud clanging in my brain tears me out of a
deep slumber. I open my eyes and have to close them immediately. The glare of
the sun stabbing into my skull is intolerable. Instead I feel around with my
hands until I come up with my cell phone.
“Hello?”
My voice sounds and feels like sandpaper. My throat is so
damn dry I can barely speak.
“Is this Morgan Swift?” A woman asks.
“Who wants to know?”
“My name is Clarissa I’m one of your aunt’s caregivers.”
“Hi Clarissa.” I croak.
“I stumbled across something yesterday that I think you
should see.”
“Okay…”
“Is there an address I can send this to?”
“Yes.”
Then after a long pause. “Ms. Swift, are you still
there?”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to give me an address?” She persists.
“Sorry… it’s the Holiday Inn in Berkeley, 2712 San Pablo
Avenue,
other day?”
I freeze for a second, not sure if I really want to get
into this now or not.
“Morgan, have you done something wrong? Did you get in
trouble for insider trading or something?”
Wow, she is definitely lucid.
“I have to tell you something auntie and you’re not going
to like it, but I have to tell you what I’ve done. I need you auntie, like I
have never needed anyone before.”
“I’m here sweetie. Tell me what happened.”
I wasn’t really going to spill my guts like this but once
I got started I couldn’t quit. Must be the alcohol lowering my defenses because
I would have never confessed to her so easily. I tell her about the day I met
Cade and how I feel about him. I even profess love for the dethroned president
of the Iron Disciples although I’m not really sure what it means to love
another person not related to you. I tell her how I went behind Cade’s back and
ratted on him and how much I hurt him. Then I finally confess to the blackouts
and waking up to find his blood everywhere. I feel so ashamed that about half
way through my confession I begin to cry again and I just can’t turn the faucet
off. Well, not until I’ve finally vomited up everything I have done these past
ten days or so. My auntie’s a good listener, I’ll give her that. Finally I come
to a slow crumbling halt. I take a deep breath, waiting for her to come at me
with both barrels like she used to when I fucked up.
“Morgan honey, why did you call me the other day?” She
asks.
Shit!
“Could you go to the corner market and get me some kale.
I hear it has a lot of vitamin C. Are you taking enough vitamin C sweetie?”
And she’s gone again. We say our goodbyes with promises
to keep in touch but I know for my part that this is the last time we’ll be
talking on this earth. She had a few last moments of lucidity and I am grateful
she called. During my thirty or forty minutes of confession I have no idea just
how much she understood. I get the feeling that I may as well have been talking
to the wall. For a few minutes it did make me feel better unburdening my soul like
that, but now I just feel like shit again. I hobble over to the telephone and
dial room service. With any luck they’ll still be open and I can score a bottle
of wine or something. If I’m going to have any hope of sleeping I’m going to
need some help.
By midnight I’m back in bed nursing a bottle of some
moderately expensive wine. I’m sure to have a hangover tomorrow but right now I
could care less. I cannot hope to maintain any kind of grip on my sanity
without help. Everything I have done, all that I have experienced these last
ten days is sitting on the edge of my consciousness and pounding on my brain,
threatening to crush my soul into oblivion. I don’t know how people like Cade
keep functioning after everything they have done. As far as I can tell Cade
doesn’t drink very much and other than maybe a little weed he’s not really into
drugs, so how does he do it? Well…how did he did he do it?
Chapter Ten
Sweet Lucidity
An unearthly loud clanging in my brain tears me out of a
deep slumber. I open my eyes and have to close them immediately. The glare of
the sun stabbing into my skull is intolerable. Instead I feel around with my
hands until I come up with my cell phone.
“Hello?”
My voice sounds and feels like sandpaper. My throat is so
damn dry I can barely speak.
“Is this Morgan Swift?” A woman asks.
“Who wants to know?”
“My name is Clarissa I’m one of your aunt’s caregivers.”
“Hi Clarissa.” I croak.
“I stumbled across something yesterday that I think you
should see.”
“Okay…”
“Is there an address I can send this to?”
“Yes.”
Then after a long pause. “Ms. Swift, are you still
there?”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to give me an address?” She persists.
“Sorry… it’s the Holiday Inn in Berkeley, 2712 San Pablo
Avenue,
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