up in bed while spasms rocketed through my body. When I came fully awake and understood what happened, my body was drenched in sweat and my chest was heaving. Poor Capone was standing at the foot of my bed, watching me with curiosity. My covers were kicked to the floor and I can only imagine what I must have been doing in my sleep. I could only hope that I had not been making any sounds that Flynn could hear.
I sat there in my bed until my heart rate returned to normal and my breathing became steady. Knowing there was no going back to sleep after that dream, I decided to jump in the shower before Flynn got up.
I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around me. After wiping the steam from the mirror, I lean in close and take a good look at my face. The dark circles that seemed to have been ingrained into the skin beneath my eyes have finally disappeared. That’s merely a testament to the good food and sleep I’ve had the past three nights that I’ve been here.
All thanks to my new friend, Flynn Caldwell.
Perhaps, my first true friend.
You know... the one that gives me orgasms in my dreams.
Some who know me would say, And why is this really a problem, Rowan? Geez... jump on that shit!
I’ll tell you why it’s a problem.
I don’t want to lose Flynn Caldwell as my friend.
Because no matter how unbelievably sexy Flynn is... no matter how great I know he would be in bed... everything will change between us if sex is involved.
I just know it.
Up until this point in my life, sex has been a tool for me. It’s been a stress reliever, and sometimes I’ve used it to get what I want. It was always so easy to manipulate Juice early on in our relationship with sex. I could diffuse his anger toward me with just a look, and even now, I’m a little ashamed I would resort to such tactics.
But with Flynn?
Sex with him will be something entirely different. It will open up a new level of intimacy that I don’t think my cynicism will be able to handle. He has the ability to undo the entire basis of my existence for the past five years, and I don’t think I’m ready to let go of the safety net that my walls provide me.
I search my own eyes in the bathroom mirror. They look back at me and tell me I’m a fool for thinking such things. They taunt me with the knowledge that a friendship with Flynn will never be as ultimately satisfying as a love affair with him.
I close my eyes and tell myself to shut the fuck up.
I say a tiny prayer of thanks that Flynn Caldwell is my friend and that he was brought into my life.
I need to be content with friendship and leave it at that.
Walking into the kitchen, I try to mentally prepare myself for how to deal with Flynn today. I tell myself I will not engage in flirting and that I will find a way to strengthen the new friendship that we have.
Now that I have a taste of what it feels like, I want to cultivate it further.
Without annoying, sexy thoughts getting in my way.
Flynn is leaning back against the counter, drinking a glass of water. He’s dressed in a pair of shorts, a gray t-shirt that is soaked with sweat, and running shoes. His face glistens with moisture and his hair is sticking up in a thousand different directions.
I try not to notice the way his bicep bulges when his arm curls upward to bring the glass to his lips.
Or the way his lips rest softly against the glass.
Or the way his throat moves as he swallows.
I have to restrain myself from walking to the refrigerator and slamming my forehead into it so these thoughts will go away. Instead, I walk to the coffee pot and pour myself a cup.
“You’re up early,” he observes.
I pull the milk out and add a splash to my cup. “So are you. Already went for a run?”
“Yeah. I had strange dreams last night and just couldn’t get into a good sleep.”
“You and me both,” I mutter.
“Mine were crazy... I was at a party with Eminem and Prince Charles and they were arguing over how to make the chicken potpie that
I sat there in my bed until my heart rate returned to normal and my breathing became steady. Knowing there was no going back to sleep after that dream, I decided to jump in the shower before Flynn got up.
I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around me. After wiping the steam from the mirror, I lean in close and take a good look at my face. The dark circles that seemed to have been ingrained into the skin beneath my eyes have finally disappeared. That’s merely a testament to the good food and sleep I’ve had the past three nights that I’ve been here.
All thanks to my new friend, Flynn Caldwell.
Perhaps, my first true friend.
You know... the one that gives me orgasms in my dreams.
Some who know me would say, And why is this really a problem, Rowan? Geez... jump on that shit!
I’ll tell you why it’s a problem.
I don’t want to lose Flynn Caldwell as my friend.
Because no matter how unbelievably sexy Flynn is... no matter how great I know he would be in bed... everything will change between us if sex is involved.
I just know it.
Up until this point in my life, sex has been a tool for me. It’s been a stress reliever, and sometimes I’ve used it to get what I want. It was always so easy to manipulate Juice early on in our relationship with sex. I could diffuse his anger toward me with just a look, and even now, I’m a little ashamed I would resort to such tactics.
But with Flynn?
Sex with him will be something entirely different. It will open up a new level of intimacy that I don’t think my cynicism will be able to handle. He has the ability to undo the entire basis of my existence for the past five years, and I don’t think I’m ready to let go of the safety net that my walls provide me.
I search my own eyes in the bathroom mirror. They look back at me and tell me I’m a fool for thinking such things. They taunt me with the knowledge that a friendship with Flynn will never be as ultimately satisfying as a love affair with him.
I close my eyes and tell myself to shut the fuck up.
I say a tiny prayer of thanks that Flynn Caldwell is my friend and that he was brought into my life.
I need to be content with friendship and leave it at that.
Walking into the kitchen, I try to mentally prepare myself for how to deal with Flynn today. I tell myself I will not engage in flirting and that I will find a way to strengthen the new friendship that we have.
Now that I have a taste of what it feels like, I want to cultivate it further.
Without annoying, sexy thoughts getting in my way.
Flynn is leaning back against the counter, drinking a glass of water. He’s dressed in a pair of shorts, a gray t-shirt that is soaked with sweat, and running shoes. His face glistens with moisture and his hair is sticking up in a thousand different directions.
I try not to notice the way his bicep bulges when his arm curls upward to bring the glass to his lips.
Or the way his lips rest softly against the glass.
Or the way his throat moves as he swallows.
I have to restrain myself from walking to the refrigerator and slamming my forehead into it so these thoughts will go away. Instead, I walk to the coffee pot and pour myself a cup.
“You’re up early,” he observes.
I pull the milk out and add a splash to my cup. “So are you. Already went for a run?”
“Yeah. I had strange dreams last night and just couldn’t get into a good sleep.”
“You and me both,” I mutter.
“Mine were crazy... I was at a party with Eminem and Prince Charles and they were arguing over how to make the chicken potpie that
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