mascara shadows shaded below my eyes. I tried to rub off the blackness, but she'd already seen it.
“So how was your father?” She adopted a quiet, seemingly indifferent tone, but she nervously clutched the bedspread, her fingers picking it. Although she looked in my general direction, our gazes did not meet.
Here goes nothing , I thought. “You know dad.” I brushed the hair from my eyes.
“I knew your dad once,” she said. “But that was before the mini-van and haircut.” She touched my hand, her fingers gently stroking mine. “Besides, I’m sure how I feel about him. It’s you I’m worried about.”
I frowned. “Why? Are you worried that I might want to spend more time with him?”
“No.” Mom stood and paced the room. “No matter how I feel about your dad, if you want to spend time with him, I'l accept that. Not because I have to but because it’s what you want.” She faced me. “Your father and I had issues when we were married.
You know that.” She ambled to the fabric board where I'd thumbtacked pictures of Devin and me. I'd thought about taking them down, but it would leave this huge bare spot since I didn't yet have any photos of Kelin.
“Yeah,” I said, nodding. “And I was one of those issues, wasn’t I?”
She flinched and closed her eyes.
“I was, wasn’t I?”
She sat on the bed and patted my knee. “There’s no point in going there, Skye. The past can’t be changed.”
I drew my knees to my chest. “I’m not talking about the past, Mom. I was okay with the past, okay with knowing he didn’t care one way or another. Yeah, I was mad, but that's normal. Then he cals to say he wants to spend time with me, that he wants to take me to the movies.” I stopped talking because tears stung my eyes, and the last thing I wanted to do was cry. I chewed my lip as panic surfaced. It felt like hundreds of butterflies had suddenly been set free in my stomach, and each breath was choppier than the last.
“What did your father do?” she asked tersely. She rubbed her forehead, her fingers circling a smal spot. I clenched my jaw, recognizing the familiarity of the gesture. Whenever stressed, she rubbed her temples.
“Nothing.” I rested my chin on my knees.
“I know better than that. What happened?”
“Nothing.” I closed my eyes, wishing the whole world would melt away.
She grabbed my arm. “Look at me, Skye.” When I refused, she put her finger under my chin. “I said look at me!”
I slowly met her gaze. “What?”
“You can either talk to me, or I'l cal your father. Either way, I’l get to the bottom of it.”
“And then?” I jerked away. “No matter how much you love me, you can’t change that dad married a former cheerleader three years past her high school expiration date. He brought her to the movies, and she sat between us the whole time. And there’s nothing you can do about the twin daughters he has—Amy and Alie
—the ones he spent the whole movie tickling and cuddling. I kept asking myself why he caled."
My throat constricted. The panicked racing of my heart filled me. I suddenly burst into tears that shook me so hard that if my mom hadn't held on so tightly I would have broken.
Mom’s hands guided me as I laid my head in her lap where she gently brushed her fingers through my hair while I cried. When I was smal, she’d often done that until I drifted to sleep. “At one time I used to regret your father. I felt so angry and alone even when we were newly married. Then I found out I was going to have a baby.
Your father wasn’t ready for that. But from the moment I found out about you, I spent hours wondering who you would look like, and I couldn’t wait to meet you. And the first time I saw you, I cried with happiness. It was because of you, Skye. Al because of you.” Her fingers brushed my cheek. “I stopped regretting your father because he had given me the one thing I'd never want to live without—you. I know that I can’t make up
“So how was your father?” She adopted a quiet, seemingly indifferent tone, but she nervously clutched the bedspread, her fingers picking it. Although she looked in my general direction, our gazes did not meet.
Here goes nothing , I thought. “You know dad.” I brushed the hair from my eyes.
“I knew your dad once,” she said. “But that was before the mini-van and haircut.” She touched my hand, her fingers gently stroking mine. “Besides, I’m sure how I feel about him. It’s you I’m worried about.”
I frowned. “Why? Are you worried that I might want to spend more time with him?”
“No.” Mom stood and paced the room. “No matter how I feel about your dad, if you want to spend time with him, I'l accept that. Not because I have to but because it’s what you want.” She faced me. “Your father and I had issues when we were married.
You know that.” She ambled to the fabric board where I'd thumbtacked pictures of Devin and me. I'd thought about taking them down, but it would leave this huge bare spot since I didn't yet have any photos of Kelin.
“Yeah,” I said, nodding. “And I was one of those issues, wasn’t I?”
She flinched and closed her eyes.
“I was, wasn’t I?”
She sat on the bed and patted my knee. “There’s no point in going there, Skye. The past can’t be changed.”
I drew my knees to my chest. “I’m not talking about the past, Mom. I was okay with the past, okay with knowing he didn’t care one way or another. Yeah, I was mad, but that's normal. Then he cals to say he wants to spend time with me, that he wants to take me to the movies.” I stopped talking because tears stung my eyes, and the last thing I wanted to do was cry. I chewed my lip as panic surfaced. It felt like hundreds of butterflies had suddenly been set free in my stomach, and each breath was choppier than the last.
“What did your father do?” she asked tersely. She rubbed her forehead, her fingers circling a smal spot. I clenched my jaw, recognizing the familiarity of the gesture. Whenever stressed, she rubbed her temples.
“Nothing.” I rested my chin on my knees.
“I know better than that. What happened?”
“Nothing.” I closed my eyes, wishing the whole world would melt away.
She grabbed my arm. “Look at me, Skye.” When I refused, she put her finger under my chin. “I said look at me!”
I slowly met her gaze. “What?”
“You can either talk to me, or I'l cal your father. Either way, I’l get to the bottom of it.”
“And then?” I jerked away. “No matter how much you love me, you can’t change that dad married a former cheerleader three years past her high school expiration date. He brought her to the movies, and she sat between us the whole time. And there’s nothing you can do about the twin daughters he has—Amy and Alie
—the ones he spent the whole movie tickling and cuddling. I kept asking myself why he caled."
My throat constricted. The panicked racing of my heart filled me. I suddenly burst into tears that shook me so hard that if my mom hadn't held on so tightly I would have broken.
Mom’s hands guided me as I laid my head in her lap where she gently brushed her fingers through my hair while I cried. When I was smal, she’d often done that until I drifted to sleep. “At one time I used to regret your father. I felt so angry and alone even when we were newly married. Then I found out I was going to have a baby.
Your father wasn’t ready for that. But from the moment I found out about you, I spent hours wondering who you would look like, and I couldn’t wait to meet you. And the first time I saw you, I cried with happiness. It was because of you, Skye. Al because of you.” Her fingers brushed my cheek. “I stopped regretting your father because he had given me the one thing I'd never want to live without—you. I know that I can’t make up
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