silently began to get dressed. I got as far as the landing before I remembered.
Before we came to bed, Emma said she had set the alarm, and I didn’t know the code. She had locked the door with a key, which she had removed and taken with her. We both knew why – but neither of us said a word.
I stood, looking down over the bannister, knowing that I could find a way out if I really wanted to. But I didn’t. I could pretend I was locked in, but really I knew it was an excuse to stay.
I went back to my room and lay down, fully dressed, curled up into the tightest ball I could manage, waiting for morning.
Emma was up really early. I heard her, but I thought seeing me would remind her that I’m the reason Ollie’s not here, so I lay on the bed until she knocked on my door. I pretended I had just that minute finished getting dressed.
We haven’t talked about her unhappiness this morning, but she’s obviously tried to cover her red eyes with more makeup than she usually wears.
Tom is bringing Ollie round for a visit – which social services have allowed as long as Tom stays here too. I don’t blame them for this. They don’t know me, and they don’t know that I would die rather than hurt Ollie. Emma looks at her watch every two minutes.
Tom is doing some shopping as well. He says that until something has been worked out – and I know he means protection – none of us should leave the house, and I have to keep away from windows. We don’t want anybody to know that I’m here and from tonight we are going to have policemen staying downstairs in the house to keep us safe – all in preparation for the court case.
18
The November weather was pressing down on Emma. It was raining again today – a cold, thin drizzle oozing out of grey skies and driving the hardiest of people indoors. Miserable was the best word to describe it, and it matched her mood.
She wanted to be elated because of Tasha – and in many ways she was. This was what she had fought for, and now she had the girl back with her. But she should have listened to Tom. He had told her it wasn’t going to be plain sailing, but she had believed that her love and her desperate need to make up to the girl for such a terrible childhood would be enough to persuade social services to do the right thing.
It seems they didn’t doubt her intent – but they were concerned for Ollie, and he had to be protected. She couldn’t have let them take Tasha, though – like a stone cracking a windscreen, the girl’s last shred of hope and trust would have shattered into a million pieces.
Elizabeth had promised the assessment wouldn’t take long, but Emma was terrified of the outcome. Much as she was missing Ollie, she knew he would be safe with Tom. What had kept her awake was the thought that at some point she might have to break every promise she had ever made to Tasha. Each time she closed her eyes the scene in which she was forced to say goodbye to her stepdaughter played out in her mind, and the tears wouldn’t stop, so Emma had decided to get up at 6 a.m. and do some cleaning. Nowhere needed it, but she had to do something.
More than anything, she wished she had somebody to talk to. There was always Tom, but, good friend that he was, she didn’t feel able to open her whole heart to him – to bare her soul. And she was still a bit mad at him, even though she knew everything he had said and done was right.
He had looked aghast when she had presented him with Ollie but he had risen to the challenge. She knew he liked babies and had always hoped he would have more. His daughter Lucy was growing up fast, and Tom was a man who should have a family aroundhim. A pity things with that Leo girl seemed to have gone off the boil, although Tom still refused to talk about it.
That was typical of Emma and Tom’s relationship, really. They were friends, but they held so much of themselves back. The only person Emma had ever been truly herself with was Jack. She
Before we came to bed, Emma said she had set the alarm, and I didn’t know the code. She had locked the door with a key, which she had removed and taken with her. We both knew why – but neither of us said a word.
I stood, looking down over the bannister, knowing that I could find a way out if I really wanted to. But I didn’t. I could pretend I was locked in, but really I knew it was an excuse to stay.
I went back to my room and lay down, fully dressed, curled up into the tightest ball I could manage, waiting for morning.
Emma was up really early. I heard her, but I thought seeing me would remind her that I’m the reason Ollie’s not here, so I lay on the bed until she knocked on my door. I pretended I had just that minute finished getting dressed.
We haven’t talked about her unhappiness this morning, but she’s obviously tried to cover her red eyes with more makeup than she usually wears.
Tom is bringing Ollie round for a visit – which social services have allowed as long as Tom stays here too. I don’t blame them for this. They don’t know me, and they don’t know that I would die rather than hurt Ollie. Emma looks at her watch every two minutes.
Tom is doing some shopping as well. He says that until something has been worked out – and I know he means protection – none of us should leave the house, and I have to keep away from windows. We don’t want anybody to know that I’m here and from tonight we are going to have policemen staying downstairs in the house to keep us safe – all in preparation for the court case.
18
The November weather was pressing down on Emma. It was raining again today – a cold, thin drizzle oozing out of grey skies and driving the hardiest of people indoors. Miserable was the best word to describe it, and it matched her mood.
She wanted to be elated because of Tasha – and in many ways she was. This was what she had fought for, and now she had the girl back with her. But she should have listened to Tom. He had told her it wasn’t going to be plain sailing, but she had believed that her love and her desperate need to make up to the girl for such a terrible childhood would be enough to persuade social services to do the right thing.
It seems they didn’t doubt her intent – but they were concerned for Ollie, and he had to be protected. She couldn’t have let them take Tasha, though – like a stone cracking a windscreen, the girl’s last shred of hope and trust would have shattered into a million pieces.
Elizabeth had promised the assessment wouldn’t take long, but Emma was terrified of the outcome. Much as she was missing Ollie, she knew he would be safe with Tom. What had kept her awake was the thought that at some point she might have to break every promise she had ever made to Tasha. Each time she closed her eyes the scene in which she was forced to say goodbye to her stepdaughter played out in her mind, and the tears wouldn’t stop, so Emma had decided to get up at 6 a.m. and do some cleaning. Nowhere needed it, but she had to do something.
More than anything, she wished she had somebody to talk to. There was always Tom, but, good friend that he was, she didn’t feel able to open her whole heart to him – to bare her soul. And she was still a bit mad at him, even though she knew everything he had said and done was right.
He had looked aghast when she had presented him with Ollie but he had risen to the challenge. She knew he liked babies and had always hoped he would have more. His daughter Lucy was growing up fast, and Tom was a man who should have a family aroundhim. A pity things with that Leo girl seemed to have gone off the boil, although Tom still refused to talk about it.
That was typical of Emma and Tom’s relationship, really. They were friends, but they held so much of themselves back. The only person Emma had ever been truly herself with was Jack. She
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