about it?’
Rachel realises that the children have gone quiet and that most of the parents are now watching the show. She spies Verity looking over, nudging a fellow alpha-mother. Oh well, in for a penny, she decides.
‘I want you to move.’
‘Pardon?’
‘I want you to move, so that I can park there. Please’
‘Oh, and why should I do that?’
‘Because, it is the right thing to do and I am asking you nicely.’ The woman wrinkles her face with a look that says ‘whatever’, so Rachel continues. ‘Plus, your car is new and shiny and my car is old and battered, so you wouldn’t want me to accidentally scrape it when I reverse past on this incredibly narrow road, would you?’
The woman gives Rachel a look of pure venom and Rachel wonders if she is about to be punched.
‘Fucking nutter!’ she mutters and flounces back into her car, roaring off in an ozone-layer-destroying fug.
‘What did that lady say?’ asks Will.
‘Chucking butter, darling. I think she was a bit crazy,’ says Rachel, pulling into the space and flashing Verity a saintly smile. Her phone chirps and she sees that it’s Sue.
‘Hello, love. Can I call you back in a sec?’
‘Sure, but I just called to say that Joe is still poorly, so I’m not going to make Soft Play today.’
‘Soft Play?’
‘Don’t tell me you’d forgotten?’
‘Sort of.’
‘Well, Christa’s going, so will you go along anyway?’
‘Sue, I have a hangover and was hoping to go home, bung on Cbeebies for Lily and Alfie and go back to bed for an hour.’
‘Ahhh, poor you. It’s up to you my love, but I think Christa is hoping you’ll go.’
‘That’s right. Make me feel even more guilty than usual.’
‘That’s my job! Don’t forget to text me with any more of Christa’s revelations. There has to be a cross-dressing brother in that family at least!’
Rachel snorts. ‘Will do. Big kisses to Joe-Joe.’
She ends the call and notices that a text has arrived. It’s from Emma: ‘I hate you. x’
Rachel laughs and flings open the door for Will.
‘See you later gorgeous.’
‘Mum!’ protests Will as she attempts to kiss him. She manages to aim one on his head before he wrestles from her grasp. He bolts into the playground, following the rest of his class into school.
‘Right. Good, Soft Play then.’
‘Ooh Mummy I love Soft Play. Can I have a chocolate croissant? Pleeeease?’ squeaks Lily.
‘Oh yeah baby,’ says Rachel suddenly feeling a little better at the thought of an indoor venue with coffee and baked goods to hand. Her optimism is short-lived as they pull in to the car park of Jambalaya with its ambitious strapline ‘Where dreams come true’. The queue of rabid two- and three-year-olds is snaking out of the door and round the wall with its cheery Eric the Elephant sign. In fact, Eric is working the queue as they arrive. He is having a tough time as one determined three-year-old hangs on to his trunk and, given the menacing look in his eyes, is pretty set on ripping it from his face. Rachel unloads the kids and scans the line for Christa. She spots her waving from the front of the queue and gesturing for Rachel to join them. Rachel is still a little shaken by her earlier run-in with the 4X4 driver and approaches Christa with caution, perfectly ready to join the back of the queue.
‘Rachel, come on and join us! You don’t mind, do you?’ she says to the man behind her.
‘Well actually –’ he begins, before a man the size of a bison and a bear bolted together, wearing dark glasses and an enormous black suit appears and growls in a thick Eastern European voice, ‘Thees laydee eez weeth us, OK?’
The objector decides against further objection. ‘Erm, OK.’
The gorilla slips back into the shadows and Rachel looks at Christa for an explanation.
‘Oh
ja
, sorry Rachel, how rude of me. This is Rory. He is Roger’s bodyguard.’
Rachel almost doesn’t want to ask. ‘His bodyguard?’
‘
Ja
. It is because
Rachel realises that the children have gone quiet and that most of the parents are now watching the show. She spies Verity looking over, nudging a fellow alpha-mother. Oh well, in for a penny, she decides.
‘I want you to move.’
‘Pardon?’
‘I want you to move, so that I can park there. Please’
‘Oh, and why should I do that?’
‘Because, it is the right thing to do and I am asking you nicely.’ The woman wrinkles her face with a look that says ‘whatever’, so Rachel continues. ‘Plus, your car is new and shiny and my car is old and battered, so you wouldn’t want me to accidentally scrape it when I reverse past on this incredibly narrow road, would you?’
The woman gives Rachel a look of pure venom and Rachel wonders if she is about to be punched.
‘Fucking nutter!’ she mutters and flounces back into her car, roaring off in an ozone-layer-destroying fug.
‘What did that lady say?’ asks Will.
‘Chucking butter, darling. I think she was a bit crazy,’ says Rachel, pulling into the space and flashing Verity a saintly smile. Her phone chirps and she sees that it’s Sue.
‘Hello, love. Can I call you back in a sec?’
‘Sure, but I just called to say that Joe is still poorly, so I’m not going to make Soft Play today.’
‘Soft Play?’
‘Don’t tell me you’d forgotten?’
‘Sort of.’
‘Well, Christa’s going, so will you go along anyway?’
‘Sue, I have a hangover and was hoping to go home, bung on Cbeebies for Lily and Alfie and go back to bed for an hour.’
‘Ahhh, poor you. It’s up to you my love, but I think Christa is hoping you’ll go.’
‘That’s right. Make me feel even more guilty than usual.’
‘That’s my job! Don’t forget to text me with any more of Christa’s revelations. There has to be a cross-dressing brother in that family at least!’
Rachel snorts. ‘Will do. Big kisses to Joe-Joe.’
She ends the call and notices that a text has arrived. It’s from Emma: ‘I hate you. x’
Rachel laughs and flings open the door for Will.
‘See you later gorgeous.’
‘Mum!’ protests Will as she attempts to kiss him. She manages to aim one on his head before he wrestles from her grasp. He bolts into the playground, following the rest of his class into school.
‘Right. Good, Soft Play then.’
‘Ooh Mummy I love Soft Play. Can I have a chocolate croissant? Pleeeease?’ squeaks Lily.
‘Oh yeah baby,’ says Rachel suddenly feeling a little better at the thought of an indoor venue with coffee and baked goods to hand. Her optimism is short-lived as they pull in to the car park of Jambalaya with its ambitious strapline ‘Where dreams come true’. The queue of rabid two- and three-year-olds is snaking out of the door and round the wall with its cheery Eric the Elephant sign. In fact, Eric is working the queue as they arrive. He is having a tough time as one determined three-year-old hangs on to his trunk and, given the menacing look in his eyes, is pretty set on ripping it from his face. Rachel unloads the kids and scans the line for Christa. She spots her waving from the front of the queue and gesturing for Rachel to join them. Rachel is still a little shaken by her earlier run-in with the 4X4 driver and approaches Christa with caution, perfectly ready to join the back of the queue.
‘Rachel, come on and join us! You don’t mind, do you?’ she says to the man behind her.
‘Well actually –’ he begins, before a man the size of a bison and a bear bolted together, wearing dark glasses and an enormous black suit appears and growls in a thick Eastern European voice, ‘Thees laydee eez weeth us, OK?’
The objector decides against further objection. ‘Erm, OK.’
The gorilla slips back into the shadows and Rachel looks at Christa for an explanation.
‘Oh
ja
, sorry Rachel, how rude of me. This is Rory. He is Roger’s bodyguard.’
Rachel almost doesn’t want to ask. ‘His bodyguard?’
‘
Ja
. It is because
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