creating the perfect contrast. I lift my leg and wrap it around his lower back so his erection is pressing into me.
I pull away from the kiss and wrap my arms tightly around his neck. "I want you inside me."
His cock is throbbing against me, but he makes no move to obey.
"I want you to lift me up and do me against this wall," I whisper into his ear.
He smiles and grabs the back of my thigh. "We're supposed to wait a couple of weeks."
"I don't want to wait," I say.
"Like two or three weeks, right?" he asks. "Besides, if we do it like you want it'll just go in too deep, and you won't thank me for that."
I can't believe he can still say no to me so easily. "A week or two they said, but I'm ready now."
I graze my teeth across the hard tendon of his neck, squeezing lightly.
"Don't start biting again, Gail," he says. "It won't make me change my mind. And we're not doing it without a condom."
The water seems to turn icy cold at his words. I'm on the nighttime beach again, and the cold water is really spray from the rising black waves into which I threw my daughter, our daughter.
Scott's eyes are like shaded windows now, transporting me nowhere, making none of this easier. There's a Gail who knows he's only saying these things because he cares, but she's very far away and speaks very quietly.
Scott grins at me, and his eyes are light blue like the sunniest sky again. "Besides, I hurt my back helping a friend move last week, so lifting you is not really something I want to do right now."
I want to smile back, laugh even, and tell him it's alright, but this feels too much like our first few encounters, and I was sure we left those in the past. I was dumb to think it. Those days will hound me forever.
He lets me go and reaches for the shower gel, twisting his nose up at the flowery scent. "Man, this is way too girly, Gail."
The movie of my past humiliations is still doing a rerun in my head. "Is nothing I can offer good enough for you?" I say it too harshly, too shrilly.
The smile disappears from his face, and his eyes are hooded again, dark blue like deep ocean. "How can you even say that, Gail?"
I'm just standing there, staring at him, my mouth open, no words forming from the thoughts racing through my mind. It's all crashing against me, cutting me with the jagged edges. Mom's blind, glistening eyes staring at the ceiling, the crazy Gail who used the gardener for sex, killed her baby, ignored her friends, buried her feelings so deep they might never have surfaced had Scott not been so nice to me.
He's not looking at me anymore, not waiting for an answer. He dumps some shower gel into his palm and lathers up, while I'm still just standing there, salty tears mixing with the water running down my face. I burst forward and wrap my arms around his stomach.
"I'm sorry," I say, ignoring the soap now running into my mouth. It's not just for what I said now, it's for all those other things I said, and did, and thought. "I don't know where I'd be now if you hadn't taken me back."
He brushes his hair from my face and keeps his fingers tangled up in it. "You'd be just fine, Gail, I'm sure."
I have a nagging feeling that he's not really accepting my apology, but he's not pushing me away and he's not arguing with me, so maybe he is and I'm wrong, because I'm scared, unstable, seeing things that aren't there.
After we get out of the shower, I take my time blow drying my hair. When I finally emerge from the bathroom, he's lying on the bed, leaning on the headrest, dressed to go out. My heart is racing in my throat, because I'm suddenly certain he'll just say bye and disappear.
I wrap my robe tighter around myself and sit on the edge of the bed, resting my hand on his thigh. "Let's not argue, Scott. I don't know what came over me before."
He shrugs and doesn't look at me, doesn't take my hand. His leg is tense under mine. "You just want what you want."
"I just want you," I say and smile, but it does nothing to
I pull away from the kiss and wrap my arms tightly around his neck. "I want you inside me."
His cock is throbbing against me, but he makes no move to obey.
"I want you to lift me up and do me against this wall," I whisper into his ear.
He smiles and grabs the back of my thigh. "We're supposed to wait a couple of weeks."
"I don't want to wait," I say.
"Like two or three weeks, right?" he asks. "Besides, if we do it like you want it'll just go in too deep, and you won't thank me for that."
I can't believe he can still say no to me so easily. "A week or two they said, but I'm ready now."
I graze my teeth across the hard tendon of his neck, squeezing lightly.
"Don't start biting again, Gail," he says. "It won't make me change my mind. And we're not doing it without a condom."
The water seems to turn icy cold at his words. I'm on the nighttime beach again, and the cold water is really spray from the rising black waves into which I threw my daughter, our daughter.
Scott's eyes are like shaded windows now, transporting me nowhere, making none of this easier. There's a Gail who knows he's only saying these things because he cares, but she's very far away and speaks very quietly.
Scott grins at me, and his eyes are light blue like the sunniest sky again. "Besides, I hurt my back helping a friend move last week, so lifting you is not really something I want to do right now."
I want to smile back, laugh even, and tell him it's alright, but this feels too much like our first few encounters, and I was sure we left those in the past. I was dumb to think it. Those days will hound me forever.
He lets me go and reaches for the shower gel, twisting his nose up at the flowery scent. "Man, this is way too girly, Gail."
The movie of my past humiliations is still doing a rerun in my head. "Is nothing I can offer good enough for you?" I say it too harshly, too shrilly.
The smile disappears from his face, and his eyes are hooded again, dark blue like deep ocean. "How can you even say that, Gail?"
I'm just standing there, staring at him, my mouth open, no words forming from the thoughts racing through my mind. It's all crashing against me, cutting me with the jagged edges. Mom's blind, glistening eyes staring at the ceiling, the crazy Gail who used the gardener for sex, killed her baby, ignored her friends, buried her feelings so deep they might never have surfaced had Scott not been so nice to me.
He's not looking at me anymore, not waiting for an answer. He dumps some shower gel into his palm and lathers up, while I'm still just standing there, salty tears mixing with the water running down my face. I burst forward and wrap my arms around his stomach.
"I'm sorry," I say, ignoring the soap now running into my mouth. It's not just for what I said now, it's for all those other things I said, and did, and thought. "I don't know where I'd be now if you hadn't taken me back."
He brushes his hair from my face and keeps his fingers tangled up in it. "You'd be just fine, Gail, I'm sure."
I have a nagging feeling that he's not really accepting my apology, but he's not pushing me away and he's not arguing with me, so maybe he is and I'm wrong, because I'm scared, unstable, seeing things that aren't there.
After we get out of the shower, I take my time blow drying my hair. When I finally emerge from the bathroom, he's lying on the bed, leaning on the headrest, dressed to go out. My heart is racing in my throat, because I'm suddenly certain he'll just say bye and disappear.
I wrap my robe tighter around myself and sit on the edge of the bed, resting my hand on his thigh. "Let's not argue, Scott. I don't know what came over me before."
He shrugs and doesn't look at me, doesn't take my hand. His leg is tense under mine. "You just want what you want."
"I just want you," I say and smile, but it does nothing to
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