you?" Phillipa asks.
I shake my head as though she can see me. "No, that's OK. Class starts tomorrow and…"
"It would be no problem," she urges, but just knowing she's there, holding a place for me in my life that is miles, oceans, worlds away from this one, is enough for me.
"I'll call you later," I say, and stand when I hear Edna greeting Mom. "My mom is awake now. Thank you, though, for offering."
"Go to your mother then," Phillipa says, and waits for me to hang up first.
I spend the next half an hour with my mom, sipping my own bowl of watery soup as she does the same. After Dad comes home I slip out of the room and let them have their time together. The bags under his eyes are only marginally lighter than they were this morning, but his eyes are clear, and the boyish glee in them once he sees Mom awake rips through me like an electric saw.
Scott's truck is still parked in Kate's service driveway, but I dial her number, thinking maybe she's home already and up for coming over.
"I'm still in the Hamptons, sweetie," she informs me. "But me and Mark are coming back later tonight. I can call you then."
"No, that's alright. I'll call you tomorrow."
Outside the winds are picking up, sending the trees flailing. I step outside on the patio, and keep walking until I'm in the middle of the lawn, where nothing protects me from the wind. The gusts have a sharp, cold center, but the edges are soft as they caress my bare skin. I turn my face to the sky, letting the wind cool my skin. It's only the beginning of September, but somehow autumn is already here. Nothing makes sense anymore, not even the weather.
"Gail," Scott calls. I open my eyes; sure I'd just imagined it. But he's in the oak tree on Kate's side of the fence, untangling a paper lantern left behind from one of the parties. "How are you doing?"
I can't believe he's even talking to me and I can't believe how much I want to talk to him. But the image of my dad holding my dying mom's hand flashes before my eyes, so real it's as though I'm looking at it right now.
"Leave me alone, Scott," I yell, and run back to the patio, hugging myself tightly.
When I look back he's still in the tree, staring at me, his gaze pulling me back, sucking me in. It takes real strength to look away, and I don't know where I pull it from.
"Come in. You'll catch a cold," Dad calls from inside the house.
His shoulders are slumped and he's already holding a glass of whiskey. There's no trace of glee anywhere on him now.
"I'll come in soon," I say, then turn back to the wind, letting it fill my body and mind, and consume me. But I keep my eyes closed so I won't see Scott anymore.
Dad's already working at the dining room table when I come in. The clock is chiming again, five o'clock this time. I'm not sure who wound it, but the noise annoys me so I walk toward it to remove the weight.
"No, leave it, Gail," Dad says.
"Why?"
"The noise keeps me from falling asleep too deeply during the night," Dad explains, and a heavy stone settles in my stomach.
"I think I'll go lie down for a bit," I tell my dad, willing the tears to stay away. "Come get me, if Mom wakes up again."
He nods, blinking at me like he doesn't really see me. And maybe he doesn't, maybe this time the wind finally blew me away.
CHAPTER TWO
I sleep clear through the night, and don't wake up until nine the next morning. Mom's still asleep so I take my coffee up to her room and get in bed beside her. Her rasps jar me each time she takes a breath and my hands are shaking so hard I dare not even drink the coffee, sure I'll spill it all over the sheets. What if she suddenly just stops breathing in her sleep? What if I never have the chance to say goodbye?
I concentrate hard on the band of light extending from the crack in the heavy drapes almost to the bed. Maybe this is the light of Heaven coming to collect my mom, inching closer, almost here. Almost time. I bite down on my hand, wanting that pain to erase the
I shake my head as though she can see me. "No, that's OK. Class starts tomorrow and…"
"It would be no problem," she urges, but just knowing she's there, holding a place for me in my life that is miles, oceans, worlds away from this one, is enough for me.
"I'll call you later," I say, and stand when I hear Edna greeting Mom. "My mom is awake now. Thank you, though, for offering."
"Go to your mother then," Phillipa says, and waits for me to hang up first.
I spend the next half an hour with my mom, sipping my own bowl of watery soup as she does the same. After Dad comes home I slip out of the room and let them have their time together. The bags under his eyes are only marginally lighter than they were this morning, but his eyes are clear, and the boyish glee in them once he sees Mom awake rips through me like an electric saw.
Scott's truck is still parked in Kate's service driveway, but I dial her number, thinking maybe she's home already and up for coming over.
"I'm still in the Hamptons, sweetie," she informs me. "But me and Mark are coming back later tonight. I can call you then."
"No, that's alright. I'll call you tomorrow."
Outside the winds are picking up, sending the trees flailing. I step outside on the patio, and keep walking until I'm in the middle of the lawn, where nothing protects me from the wind. The gusts have a sharp, cold center, but the edges are soft as they caress my bare skin. I turn my face to the sky, letting the wind cool my skin. It's only the beginning of September, but somehow autumn is already here. Nothing makes sense anymore, not even the weather.
"Gail," Scott calls. I open my eyes; sure I'd just imagined it. But he's in the oak tree on Kate's side of the fence, untangling a paper lantern left behind from one of the parties. "How are you doing?"
I can't believe he's even talking to me and I can't believe how much I want to talk to him. But the image of my dad holding my dying mom's hand flashes before my eyes, so real it's as though I'm looking at it right now.
"Leave me alone, Scott," I yell, and run back to the patio, hugging myself tightly.
When I look back he's still in the tree, staring at me, his gaze pulling me back, sucking me in. It takes real strength to look away, and I don't know where I pull it from.
"Come in. You'll catch a cold," Dad calls from inside the house.
His shoulders are slumped and he's already holding a glass of whiskey. There's no trace of glee anywhere on him now.
"I'll come in soon," I say, then turn back to the wind, letting it fill my body and mind, and consume me. But I keep my eyes closed so I won't see Scott anymore.
Dad's already working at the dining room table when I come in. The clock is chiming again, five o'clock this time. I'm not sure who wound it, but the noise annoys me so I walk toward it to remove the weight.
"No, leave it, Gail," Dad says.
"Why?"
"The noise keeps me from falling asleep too deeply during the night," Dad explains, and a heavy stone settles in my stomach.
"I think I'll go lie down for a bit," I tell my dad, willing the tears to stay away. "Come get me, if Mom wakes up again."
He nods, blinking at me like he doesn't really see me. And maybe he doesn't, maybe this time the wind finally blew me away.
CHAPTER TWO
I sleep clear through the night, and don't wake up until nine the next morning. Mom's still asleep so I take my coffee up to her room and get in bed beside her. Her rasps jar me each time she takes a breath and my hands are shaking so hard I dare not even drink the coffee, sure I'll spill it all over the sheets. What if she suddenly just stops breathing in her sleep? What if I never have the chance to say goodbye?
I concentrate hard on the band of light extending from the crack in the heavy drapes almost to the bed. Maybe this is the light of Heaven coming to collect my mom, inching closer, almost here. Almost time. I bite down on my hand, wanting that pain to erase the
Similar Books
