trim away whatever is left of who I used to be.
We walk to a part of the city I don’t know, full of Chinese restaurants and other shops that are all closed. As soon as Jess sees us, she comes running. I don’t know what to do or say, especially when she puts her arm around my shoulder and announces, “Okay, Sea Cliff awaits!”
Jess and her friends lead us through the streets of San Francisco like they own it. And they might as well. The street stretches out before us, empty but strangely wonderful. Christmas lights—still up—brighten otherwise dark storefronts, making the entire road feel festive. I focus on this and not the people sleeping in the corners of the dark buildings we pass, trying not to worry about how long it will take for us to get to these cliffs, or how Jess is holding Aaron’s hand and whispering into his ear every few steps.
Every person in the group talks loudly and, it seems, to every other person in the group no matter who they’reactually addressing. I don’t say a word, even when Aaron looks over at me and asks, “You doing okay?”
“Of course she’s okay. It’s a beautiful night with beautiful scenery.” Jess waves toward a window filled with dead ducks hanging from hooks. “And, of course, great company.”
One of the others, a small and dirty boy with dark blond hair, kisses her on the cheek as she says it. Aaron laughs with the rest of them, putting his arm around Jess and saying, “Okay, calm down now. . . .”
When the same boy comes next to me, looking like he might try it again, I take a few quick steps forward and find myself next to the only other girl in the group, besides Jess. She has short hair—she could easily be mistaken for a boy—and wears what look like ski pants. She doesn’t say anything to me, but it doesn’t seem like she wants to kiss me, either, which is a preferred quality. We walk for blocks and blocks this way, listening to everyone else talk and sing and laugh. I can’t help but look back every time I hear Aaron’s voice.
I’ve never seen Aaron act this way around a girl. He hangs on every word and he hasn’t stopping smiling since we met up with Jess. When she trips on a broken piece ofcement, Aaron catches her and they hold on to each other for three whole blocks.
We slowly wind our way into a more residential area, filled with identical houses that seem stuck together in one long row. That lasts for more blocks than I can count. I don’t hear the ocean, and the thought of a cliff being anywhere close to these houses seems improbable. But then the world opens up and I stop walking, shocked.
“This is Sea Cliff?” I ask.
Large houses—mansions, basically—glow all around us. These are houses with maids and great rooms, the sort of houses you see on television. Ahead, the street twists in and around with no discernible landmarks.
“What did you expect?” Kissing Boy asks.
“I don’t know. Woods? Animals?”
One of the boys—he has dreadlocks that hang down to his waist—laughs and says, “The only wildlife out here are the Jaguars parked in the driveways.”
The girl with the ski pants adds, “Yeah, not that kind of cliff.”
The deeper into the neighborhood we go, the quieter and quieter the group gets. As if we might wake up one of these giant houses. My mind comes alive with possibleexplanations, all of them involving police and us having to run away. Aaron still has his arm around Jess—they could be walking around the mall together and it wouldn’t look any different. But I can’t help myself. I walk up to him and try to talk as quietly as I can.
“I’m not robbing anybody,” I say.
“What? That’s not what this is, Abs.”
Jess steps away from Aaron and says, “Oh, Jesus.” Her voice carries, so everyone can hear. “No, no. We’re not going to rob anybody.”
I’m hot with embarrassment, enough that I don’t want to say anything else. Everybody is watching me, their faces hidden by
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