the way to the front gate, the one with the new, shiny sign with the bolts cracking the wood.
It was Burrito Eater and Avril guarding the gate. There was no getting through them or the fence. But that wasn’t the point. I was just being bad, and I slammed into the fence like I hadn’t seen the chain links or the metal. I fell onto my back like Sharon, only nobody had pushed me. That was my whole problem. Nobody was doing anything to me. I was doing it all to myself.
When I realized I was looking up at the sky, just lying there, I got up off the ground and shook the fence violently, as if I could rip through it. On either side of me, Burrito Eater and Avril watched the mad kid they had dropped off just a couple days ago. I was the complete opposite of that limp girl from before. I had finally woken up and shown them why I was there.
“This place is bullshit!” I screamed into the night.
“You’ll have to swim out of here if you ever want out,” Avril said.
I stopped shaking the fence.
The two men grabbed me by the arms and I went limp, just like the old days. When they dragged me away, I looked back at the fence and stared at the lake in the distance, where the only hole in the system seemed to exist.
Larry’s office wasn’t intimidating to me and that’s probably why I was there again. Back to square one. Maybe pushing Sharon wasn't the right thing to do. It was weird how I knew it was wrong when it was happening, yet I still did it. It felt good to chuck her into the woods, and that was just messed up.
I fidgeted in my chair. Larry's desk was empty and free from any papers. I waited for my punishment to come, and I turned around in my chair when the office door cracked open. Guy entered the room instead of Larry.
"Wipe that smile off your face, Val," he said.
I removed it just because he said to. On the inside, though, I was relieved.
"You're in a lot of trouble," Guy said. He walked across the room and took a seat across from me. He folded his hands on the desk, maybe to intimidate me.
“Where’s Larry?”
“Working with someone else."
“Oh, I’m not the only troubled soul? That’s kind of nice to know.”
“We’re here to help you, Val. You can’t like the kind of person you are. You can’t like that you attacked an elderly woman.”
“I’m fine with who I am. The problem is people telling me that I can’t be okay with who I am—that’s why I’m miserable. I don’t want to be here because a sane person isn’t okay with being in an insane asylum. I know I’ve made mistakes, and those other girls don’t see that in themselves. But the real world isn’t all that sane either. Where the hell am I supposed to go where I can act how I want? And where I can feel how I want? Where in the world can I do what I want?”
“There is no such thing.”
“Doesn’t that scare the shit out of you? We are all so far away from normal. It’s fucked up. The world is fucked up.”
“I'm going to put it straight with you. New Horizons is an option, a good option, for you to have a starting point at being a decent person. It can give you the tools to do well in school—maybe get a GED—and show you why having an education is important. If you keep trying to find these loopholes you're going to continue down this negative path. Your juvenile antics will follow you into your adult life and put you in jail. It shouldn’t be taken lightly that you physically assaulted someone. It’s bad here, and it’s bad out there."
"I know it’s bad."
“Then don’t do it. A normal person sees the distinction between good and bad and does the right thing. It’s not hard.”
I didn't say anything. There was nothing to say because it was all so dumb and obvious when he said it like that. But there was always a context that wasn’t mentioned when people were preaching about the wide and open rules of life.
“Why’d you push her?—you had to know that was stupid.”
“I think she tripped over a
It was Burrito Eater and Avril guarding the gate. There was no getting through them or the fence. But that wasn’t the point. I was just being bad, and I slammed into the fence like I hadn’t seen the chain links or the metal. I fell onto my back like Sharon, only nobody had pushed me. That was my whole problem. Nobody was doing anything to me. I was doing it all to myself.
When I realized I was looking up at the sky, just lying there, I got up off the ground and shook the fence violently, as if I could rip through it. On either side of me, Burrito Eater and Avril watched the mad kid they had dropped off just a couple days ago. I was the complete opposite of that limp girl from before. I had finally woken up and shown them why I was there.
“This place is bullshit!” I screamed into the night.
“You’ll have to swim out of here if you ever want out,” Avril said.
I stopped shaking the fence.
The two men grabbed me by the arms and I went limp, just like the old days. When they dragged me away, I looked back at the fence and stared at the lake in the distance, where the only hole in the system seemed to exist.
Larry’s office wasn’t intimidating to me and that’s probably why I was there again. Back to square one. Maybe pushing Sharon wasn't the right thing to do. It was weird how I knew it was wrong when it was happening, yet I still did it. It felt good to chuck her into the woods, and that was just messed up.
I fidgeted in my chair. Larry's desk was empty and free from any papers. I waited for my punishment to come, and I turned around in my chair when the office door cracked open. Guy entered the room instead of Larry.
"Wipe that smile off your face, Val," he said.
I removed it just because he said to. On the inside, though, I was relieved.
"You're in a lot of trouble," Guy said. He walked across the room and took a seat across from me. He folded his hands on the desk, maybe to intimidate me.
“Where’s Larry?”
“Working with someone else."
“Oh, I’m not the only troubled soul? That’s kind of nice to know.”
“We’re here to help you, Val. You can’t like the kind of person you are. You can’t like that you attacked an elderly woman.”
“I’m fine with who I am. The problem is people telling me that I can’t be okay with who I am—that’s why I’m miserable. I don’t want to be here because a sane person isn’t okay with being in an insane asylum. I know I’ve made mistakes, and those other girls don’t see that in themselves. But the real world isn’t all that sane either. Where the hell am I supposed to go where I can act how I want? And where I can feel how I want? Where in the world can I do what I want?”
“There is no such thing.”
“Doesn’t that scare the shit out of you? We are all so far away from normal. It’s fucked up. The world is fucked up.”
“I'm going to put it straight with you. New Horizons is an option, a good option, for you to have a starting point at being a decent person. It can give you the tools to do well in school—maybe get a GED—and show you why having an education is important. If you keep trying to find these loopholes you're going to continue down this negative path. Your juvenile antics will follow you into your adult life and put you in jail. It shouldn’t be taken lightly that you physically assaulted someone. It’s bad here, and it’s bad out there."
"I know it’s bad."
“Then don’t do it. A normal person sees the distinction between good and bad and does the right thing. It’s not hard.”
I didn't say anything. There was nothing to say because it was all so dumb and obvious when he said it like that. But there was always a context that wasn’t mentioned when people were preaching about the wide and open rules of life.
“Why’d you push her?—you had to know that was stupid.”
“I think she tripped over a
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