she might not be around to use it. Maybe that piece of paper she was flashing wasn't a ticket after all.
No point buying a ticket if you know you're going to kill yourself .
But could Jan have seriously thought that if she killed herself, we'd head off to Five Mountains to celebrate?
"Something?" Duckworth said.
"No," I said. "I just, I don't know what to say. I really need to get Ethan home and get that picture to you."
"Absolutely," he said and moved aside to let me leave.
Leaving Five Mountains was a surreal experience.
Once I had Ethan in his stroller, we exited the offices and were back in the park, not far from the main gate. We were surrounded by the sounds of children and adults laughing. Balloons bobbed and, when the children holding them loosened their grips on the strings, soared skyward. Upbeat music blared from food stands and gift shops. Above us, roller-coaster passengers screamed with terrified delight.
Fun and pandemonium everywhere we looked.
I held on tight to the stroller handles and kept on pushing. We went past a couple of Promise Falls uniformed cops, but they were doing more ambling than searching. Perhaps there was no place else to look.
At least not here.
Ethan swung around and tried to eye me from his stroller seat. "Is Mommy home?" It had to be the fifth time he'd asked.
I didn't answer. First of all, I didn't have an answer to his question. And second, I did not have high hopes. I couldn't shake the feeling that something very bad had happened to Jan. That Jan had done something very bad to herself.
Don't let it be true .
Once we got to the car, I placed Ethan in his seat, buckled him in, dumped his toys within reach. "I'm hungry," he said. "Can I have a sandwich?"
"A sandwich?"
"Mom put sandwiches in her backpack."
There was no backpack. Not now.
"We'll get something to eat when we get home," I said. "Just hang in there. It won't take long."
"Where's Batman?"
"What?"
Ethan was sorting through his action figures. Spider-Man, Robin, Joker, Wolverine. A melding of the Marvel and DC universes. "Batman!"
"I'm sure he's there," I said.
"He's gone!"
I searched around his safety seat and down in the crevices of the car upholstery.
"Maybe it fell out," Ethan said.
"Fell out where?" I asked.
He just looked at me, like I was supposed to know.
I searched under the front seats, thinking Batman could have fallen and gotten tucked under there.
Ethan was crying.
"Damn it, Ethan!" I shouted. "You think we don't have enough to worry about right now?"
I reached my hand an inch farther and got hold of something. A tiny leg. I pulled out Batman and handed it to Ethan, who took the Caped Crusader happily into his hands, then tossed it onto the seat next to him to play with something else.
There was a huge traffic backup getting out of Five Mountains. Everyone was being stopped by the police on their way out, a cop peering inside, doing a walk-around like it was a border crossing. It took us twenty minutes to reach the exit, and I powered down my window when the cop leaned forward to talk to me.
"Excuse me, sir, we're just doing a check of cars as they leave. Just take a moment." No explanation offered.
"I'm the guy," I said.
"I'm sorry?"
"My wife is the one you're looking for. Jan Harwood. I have to get home so I can email a photo of her to Detective Duckworth."
He nodded and waved us on.
From the back seat, Ethan said, "The police lady told me a joke."
"What?"
"She said you would like it because you're a reporter."
"Okay, what is it?"
"What's black and white and red all over?"
"I give up," I said.
"A newspaper," Ethan said and cackled. He waited a beat, and said, "I don't get it." Another pause. "Is Mom making dinner?"
As we came in the door Ethan shouted, "Mom!"
I was about to join in and shout out Jan's name, but I decided to wait and see whether Ethan got a reply.
"Mom?" he yelled a second time.
"I don't think she's home," I said. "You go in and watch some TV and I'll
No point buying a ticket if you know you're going to kill yourself .
But could Jan have seriously thought that if she killed herself, we'd head off to Five Mountains to celebrate?
"Something?" Duckworth said.
"No," I said. "I just, I don't know what to say. I really need to get Ethan home and get that picture to you."
"Absolutely," he said and moved aside to let me leave.
Leaving Five Mountains was a surreal experience.
Once I had Ethan in his stroller, we exited the offices and were back in the park, not far from the main gate. We were surrounded by the sounds of children and adults laughing. Balloons bobbed and, when the children holding them loosened their grips on the strings, soared skyward. Upbeat music blared from food stands and gift shops. Above us, roller-coaster passengers screamed with terrified delight.
Fun and pandemonium everywhere we looked.
I held on tight to the stroller handles and kept on pushing. We went past a couple of Promise Falls uniformed cops, but they were doing more ambling than searching. Perhaps there was no place else to look.
At least not here.
Ethan swung around and tried to eye me from his stroller seat. "Is Mommy home?" It had to be the fifth time he'd asked.
I didn't answer. First of all, I didn't have an answer to his question. And second, I did not have high hopes. I couldn't shake the feeling that something very bad had happened to Jan. That Jan had done something very bad to herself.
Don't let it be true .
Once we got to the car, I placed Ethan in his seat, buckled him in, dumped his toys within reach. "I'm hungry," he said. "Can I have a sandwich?"
"A sandwich?"
"Mom put sandwiches in her backpack."
There was no backpack. Not now.
"We'll get something to eat when we get home," I said. "Just hang in there. It won't take long."
"Where's Batman?"
"What?"
Ethan was sorting through his action figures. Spider-Man, Robin, Joker, Wolverine. A melding of the Marvel and DC universes. "Batman!"
"I'm sure he's there," I said.
"He's gone!"
I searched around his safety seat and down in the crevices of the car upholstery.
"Maybe it fell out," Ethan said.
"Fell out where?" I asked.
He just looked at me, like I was supposed to know.
I searched under the front seats, thinking Batman could have fallen and gotten tucked under there.
Ethan was crying.
"Damn it, Ethan!" I shouted. "You think we don't have enough to worry about right now?"
I reached my hand an inch farther and got hold of something. A tiny leg. I pulled out Batman and handed it to Ethan, who took the Caped Crusader happily into his hands, then tossed it onto the seat next to him to play with something else.
There was a huge traffic backup getting out of Five Mountains. Everyone was being stopped by the police on their way out, a cop peering inside, doing a walk-around like it was a border crossing. It took us twenty minutes to reach the exit, and I powered down my window when the cop leaned forward to talk to me.
"Excuse me, sir, we're just doing a check of cars as they leave. Just take a moment." No explanation offered.
"I'm the guy," I said.
"I'm sorry?"
"My wife is the one you're looking for. Jan Harwood. I have to get home so I can email a photo of her to Detective Duckworth."
He nodded and waved us on.
From the back seat, Ethan said, "The police lady told me a joke."
"What?"
"She said you would like it because you're a reporter."
"Okay, what is it?"
"What's black and white and red all over?"
"I give up," I said.
"A newspaper," Ethan said and cackled. He waited a beat, and said, "I don't get it." Another pause. "Is Mom making dinner?"
As we came in the door Ethan shouted, "Mom!"
I was about to join in and shout out Jan's name, but I decided to wait and see whether Ethan got a reply.
"Mom?" he yelled a second time.
"I don't think she's home," I said. "You go in and watch some TV and I'll
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