hem of my tank top. I can feel them on my belly, skin on sinful skin. He makes a sound a lot like a growl as he starts to lift my shirt up.
I tense up. No . What am I doing? No. No, this is not right!
“Spencer, no. Stop!” I gasp.
He stops and looks at me. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I can’t… I can’t…” I can’t admit that I’ve never done this before. I feel panic rise up in me. I start breathing hard, nearly hyperventilating. “I can’t,” I repeat. “I can’t. I can’t.”
Spencer bites his lip and very slowly eases himself off me. I feel cool air rush against my hot skin. It’s such a welcome reprieve.
The little bit of panic subsides.
“I said I wouldn’t do anything you’re not comfortable with,” Spencer tells me under his breath. “I meant it. If you’re not ready, I’m not going to push.”
I close my eyes and breathe a sigh of relief. Immediately the tension dissipates.
“But I can’t stay,” Spencer says, standing up. “Not like this. Not with you so close… like this. I won’t be able to control myself otherwise.” He turns around and walks unsteadily to the door. He opens it, bathing the room with light from the hallway.
He looks back at me for a moment. My chest continues to heave with each breath. A part of me wants him to close the door and run back in. A part of me wants the thrill of his body against mine, and to hell with indecision.
It’s a wild part that I need to control.
Spencer closes his eyes. Opens them. Runs them up and down my body. And finally leaves.
Chapter Twelve
I sit in the dark, unable to move. My heart had slowed a long time ago. My breathing has returned to normal. Still, I’m paralyzed.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. I’m overwhelmed, completely and utterly overcome with emotion.
I need somebody to talk to. Unfortunately, I doubt Katy will be back tonight. It’s too late.
I alternate between periods of intense guilt and intense longing. The heavy make-out session woke something in me. I am not entirely comfortable with that dark, hidden side of myself. I’d promised Andrew I would wait. And then, the first chance I get, I give in to temptation?
No. No, this is not my fault. All of this is Spencer’s fault. If he hadn’t come up here, proclaiming he was looking for me… if he hadn’t forced his way onto me like some kind of animal—
No . This is not Spencer’s fault, either. At least, not entirely. My body had been shaking with need when he kissed me. He knew what I wanted better than I did.
Spencer knew what I craved. And he gave it to me.
Thank God he left when he did. Otherwise, I’m afraid of how far things could have progressed. I keep remembering the night I caught him in bed with Katy. I remember her moans, his grunts, his glistening body above her. What would it be like if that had been me on the bed with him?
Stop . I don’t know where all these thoughts are coming from. I should not be attracted to Spencer. I should be repulsed by him. After all, I know the way he treats women…
And what way is that? a tiny voice in the back of my head asks. You saw him take care of Katy after she drank too much.
That’s true. And even though he definitely initiated things with me, he let up the moment I became uncomfortable. Hell, even his twisted explanation of what he was doing in the bathroom earlier tonight makes sense, if I try to think of it from his perspective.
I wish Katy were here. She’d know what to do. What was that thing Spencer told me about her? “ Don’t trust everything she says ?” I wonder where that came from.
My mind goes back to Andrew. Back to Andrew, and the last kiss we shared. Not the one from earlier tonight, where he’d been stiff as a mannequin. The one from a week ago, before either of us knew of the peer group situation.
His kiss, while passionate, was also safe and gentle. It didn’t bring me anywhere near the level of arousal that
I tense up. No . What am I doing? No. No, this is not right!
“Spencer, no. Stop!” I gasp.
He stops and looks at me. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I can’t… I can’t…” I can’t admit that I’ve never done this before. I feel panic rise up in me. I start breathing hard, nearly hyperventilating. “I can’t,” I repeat. “I can’t. I can’t.”
Spencer bites his lip and very slowly eases himself off me. I feel cool air rush against my hot skin. It’s such a welcome reprieve.
The little bit of panic subsides.
“I said I wouldn’t do anything you’re not comfortable with,” Spencer tells me under his breath. “I meant it. If you’re not ready, I’m not going to push.”
I close my eyes and breathe a sigh of relief. Immediately the tension dissipates.
“But I can’t stay,” Spencer says, standing up. “Not like this. Not with you so close… like this. I won’t be able to control myself otherwise.” He turns around and walks unsteadily to the door. He opens it, bathing the room with light from the hallway.
He looks back at me for a moment. My chest continues to heave with each breath. A part of me wants him to close the door and run back in. A part of me wants the thrill of his body against mine, and to hell with indecision.
It’s a wild part that I need to control.
Spencer closes his eyes. Opens them. Runs them up and down my body. And finally leaves.
Chapter Twelve
I sit in the dark, unable to move. My heart had slowed a long time ago. My breathing has returned to normal. Still, I’m paralyzed.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. I’m overwhelmed, completely and utterly overcome with emotion.
I need somebody to talk to. Unfortunately, I doubt Katy will be back tonight. It’s too late.
I alternate between periods of intense guilt and intense longing. The heavy make-out session woke something in me. I am not entirely comfortable with that dark, hidden side of myself. I’d promised Andrew I would wait. And then, the first chance I get, I give in to temptation?
No. No, this is not my fault. All of this is Spencer’s fault. If he hadn’t come up here, proclaiming he was looking for me… if he hadn’t forced his way onto me like some kind of animal—
No . This is not Spencer’s fault, either. At least, not entirely. My body had been shaking with need when he kissed me. He knew what I wanted better than I did.
Spencer knew what I craved. And he gave it to me.
Thank God he left when he did. Otherwise, I’m afraid of how far things could have progressed. I keep remembering the night I caught him in bed with Katy. I remember her moans, his grunts, his glistening body above her. What would it be like if that had been me on the bed with him?
Stop . I don’t know where all these thoughts are coming from. I should not be attracted to Spencer. I should be repulsed by him. After all, I know the way he treats women…
And what way is that? a tiny voice in the back of my head asks. You saw him take care of Katy after she drank too much.
That’s true. And even though he definitely initiated things with me, he let up the moment I became uncomfortable. Hell, even his twisted explanation of what he was doing in the bathroom earlier tonight makes sense, if I try to think of it from his perspective.
I wish Katy were here. She’d know what to do. What was that thing Spencer told me about her? “ Don’t trust everything she says ?” I wonder where that came from.
My mind goes back to Andrew. Back to Andrew, and the last kiss we shared. Not the one from earlier tonight, where he’d been stiff as a mannequin. The one from a week ago, before either of us knew of the peer group situation.
His kiss, while passionate, was also safe and gentle. It didn’t bring me anywhere near the level of arousal that
Similar Books
