guard as long as I lived in fear. I had to get a handle on this.
You’re all right. Once again, Kay Walker had taken me completely off guard. I couldn’t recall anyone outside my family ever checking up on me before. Even Delta.
The pain sank in like the point of a knife. He betrayed you. And if I was being horribly honest, the betrayal hurt more than the fact that I’d killed him. And his family. My skin crawled all over at the idea that they’d been watching me. That they’d kept magic-wielders as pets. I could see why Nell kept even her friends at a distance. Did you ever really know someone’s motives? Even magic-wielders couldn’t read minds.
I wouldn’t be that helpless again. Not ever.
I clicked off my communicator. Somehow, I had to believe it would get easier. Like we always told the refugees we helped: however frightening and unfamiliar it might be to adapt after your entire life shifted, it did get easier. After I’d woken from the coma, I’d been terrified even to leave the house. But staying in was as much a trap as the nightmares. And I still knew what I wanted. What I’d always wanted. The Multiverse.
Nothing would take that away, not even fear.
CHAPTER SEVEN
ADA
Decked out in my new guard uniform, I discovered it was possible to feel both badass and scared shitless. Carl, the patrol leader I recognised from when I was captured by the claw mark-like scar on his face, gave our small group what I assumed was a routine safety lecture. Another patroller, a big guy with buzzed-short blond hair and a pierced ear, kept giving me filthy looks for some reason. I ignored him and paid attention to the instructions on how we were to never use our weapons to harm another person–he seemed to be directing this at Blond Dude.
As the guy shifted, I recognised the scowl on his face. He was the bastard who’d tried to choke me when I’d been arrested, when Kay had stopped him. Aric.
That explained the glaring. I gave him one of my own.
“Use the knives only in an emergency. The stunners will incapacitate any attacker, armoured or not. They contain only three shots, however, and work only when applied directly. If you fire it into the air, there’s a chance it will rebound on you. We don’t want any more accidents, do we, Aric?”
Aric’s expression said, Screw you, but he just nodded.
I wasn’t overly comfortable with the stunner, but I accepted it without hesitation. It looked like a flat remote control, with a switch on the back, and the tingle of whatever magic they’d put inside it brushed against my fingers. I quickly pocketed it, hoping I’d not have to use it. Or the knife, for that matter, which was made of reinforced adamantine and could cut through virtually any armour. Kay had sliced the claws off a wyvern with one.
I tried not to think about how the flat, sharp-edged blade was made of the same material the Royals had implanted inside me. Though the knife weighed virtually nothing, its presence pressed against my arm in the sheath, ready to slide into my hand. I’d fought more monsters than I could count with my own daggers bought from Nell’s offworld traders, but I’d never replaced the daggers I’d lost in the attack, and hadn’t even touched a weapon since, except in virtual reality. For the first time in my life, the idea of a real-life fight didn’t appeal at all.
Stop it. Fighting was second nature to me. I’d been raised by a woman whose response to the postman knocking the door was to get the poor man in a headlock. Instinct didn’t disappear overnight, whatever happened. I just needed to calm down, get on with the job. Keep an eye out for trouble. Do what I had to. If anyone thought my mental health was in question, I’d be struck off the rota. That couldn’t happen. It was just a routine. No reason to assume anything would happen.
But it wasn’t Cethraxian monsters I was afraid of. Nell had called me a monster.
Soon as we left the building, however,
You’re all right. Once again, Kay Walker had taken me completely off guard. I couldn’t recall anyone outside my family ever checking up on me before. Even Delta.
The pain sank in like the point of a knife. He betrayed you. And if I was being horribly honest, the betrayal hurt more than the fact that I’d killed him. And his family. My skin crawled all over at the idea that they’d been watching me. That they’d kept magic-wielders as pets. I could see why Nell kept even her friends at a distance. Did you ever really know someone’s motives? Even magic-wielders couldn’t read minds.
I wouldn’t be that helpless again. Not ever.
I clicked off my communicator. Somehow, I had to believe it would get easier. Like we always told the refugees we helped: however frightening and unfamiliar it might be to adapt after your entire life shifted, it did get easier. After I’d woken from the coma, I’d been terrified even to leave the house. But staying in was as much a trap as the nightmares. And I still knew what I wanted. What I’d always wanted. The Multiverse.
Nothing would take that away, not even fear.
CHAPTER SEVEN
ADA
Decked out in my new guard uniform, I discovered it was possible to feel both badass and scared shitless. Carl, the patrol leader I recognised from when I was captured by the claw mark-like scar on his face, gave our small group what I assumed was a routine safety lecture. Another patroller, a big guy with buzzed-short blond hair and a pierced ear, kept giving me filthy looks for some reason. I ignored him and paid attention to the instructions on how we were to never use our weapons to harm another person–he seemed to be directing this at Blond Dude.
As the guy shifted, I recognised the scowl on his face. He was the bastard who’d tried to choke me when I’d been arrested, when Kay had stopped him. Aric.
That explained the glaring. I gave him one of my own.
“Use the knives only in an emergency. The stunners will incapacitate any attacker, armoured or not. They contain only three shots, however, and work only when applied directly. If you fire it into the air, there’s a chance it will rebound on you. We don’t want any more accidents, do we, Aric?”
Aric’s expression said, Screw you, but he just nodded.
I wasn’t overly comfortable with the stunner, but I accepted it without hesitation. It looked like a flat remote control, with a switch on the back, and the tingle of whatever magic they’d put inside it brushed against my fingers. I quickly pocketed it, hoping I’d not have to use it. Or the knife, for that matter, which was made of reinforced adamantine and could cut through virtually any armour. Kay had sliced the claws off a wyvern with one.
I tried not to think about how the flat, sharp-edged blade was made of the same material the Royals had implanted inside me. Though the knife weighed virtually nothing, its presence pressed against my arm in the sheath, ready to slide into my hand. I’d fought more monsters than I could count with my own daggers bought from Nell’s offworld traders, but I’d never replaced the daggers I’d lost in the attack, and hadn’t even touched a weapon since, except in virtual reality. For the first time in my life, the idea of a real-life fight didn’t appeal at all.
Stop it. Fighting was second nature to me. I’d been raised by a woman whose response to the postman knocking the door was to get the poor man in a headlock. Instinct didn’t disappear overnight, whatever happened. I just needed to calm down, get on with the job. Keep an eye out for trouble. Do what I had to. If anyone thought my mental health was in question, I’d be struck off the rota. That couldn’t happen. It was just a routine. No reason to assume anything would happen.
But it wasn’t Cethraxian monsters I was afraid of. Nell had called me a monster.
Soon as we left the building, however,
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