have used lead-based paint on all those walls. Put asbestos in. There could be radon in the basement. It’s a deathtrap,” Ma said, rocking Violet against her.
“What we were thinking is that you could go up there and get everything checked out,” Lily said. “Make sure everything is fine before Ma goes back.”
I stood staring at them both as they looked at me with identical expressions and identical eyes.
“I can’t believe this,” I muttered.
“Now Indie, it’s the least you can do. Really. Do you want me to wind back up in the hospital?” Ma spoke softly so as not to wake Violet, but her voice was stern.
“Ma, they didn’t find anything like that in your system. They said it was rat poison, arsenic, for Chrissakes. Are you guys nuts?” I was shaking, holding my coffee mug, trying not to spill the hot coffee on my hands.
“It’s something in the house, Indie. You didn’t believe them, did you? That I’d do this to myself?” Ma scowled at me, and then starting talking to me as if I were a child. “Jesus. Can’t you see that’s just their way of making more money? If they say I’m crazy, then they can hook me up with some billiondollar-an-hour psychiatrist friend of theirs up in Mountainview and convince my entire family and maybe even me that I’m losing my marbles, and for the rest of my life I spend all of my money and most of my time hoping they’ll cure me. It makes a hell of a lot more sense if I spend my money getting the mess your father made of the house cleaned up. That’s the only cure I need.”
I looked at Lily. She was leaning against the sink, one arm crossed across her waist, the other hand holding a coffee cup.
“What do you think of this?” I asked Lily, furious.
“I think it’s a good idea,” she said, shrugging, revealing absolutely nothing. “Ma can stay here with me until you’ve made sure the house is okay. Then she can go home, and you can go home, too.”
“Wonderful,” I seethed. “Of course, we won’t worry about what this so-called deathtrap will do to me.”
“Indie, don’t be ridiculous. Environmental toxicity is cumulative. Spending a week in the house is not going to have the same effect as thirty years, now is it?” Ma smiled.
“Fine,” I said, setting my coffee cup on the counter and raising my arms in defeat.
The shuttle to Mountainview was almost empty. I put my suitcase under my seat and leaned my head against the window. Rich was standing outside, waving sadly. I felt bad leaving him there with Ma and Lily, but I couldn’t have stayed another second in that house. I figured I would get to Mountainview, go through the motions of getting the house checked, and then go home. I didn’t care about proving Ma wrong. She’d have some sort of explanation for anything the inspectors did or didn’t find. As the bus pulled away from the curb and then onto the freeway, I was glad that I was making this trip alone. I might even be able to turn it into some sort of vacation. This time of year in Mountainview wasn’t so different from Echo Hollow. The aspen leaves would be gold and there might be a dusting of snow up on the mountain. I could take long walks, maybe start writing something, visit some old friends. It wouldn’t be so bad, going home.
The bulk of the trip from Phoenix to Mountainview is through the desert. Uneventful for the eye, and colorless. Paloverde, yuccas, and saguaros standing in clusters or alone. Cactus wrens swarming around flowers wilted and gone to seed. I know the desert is very much alive, even in autumn when everything appears dead. But through the window on the way to my childhood home, all I saw was a stationary landscape and all of the colors of barren.
TWO
I had not been to the Mountainview house in almost five years. The last time I was in Arizona I never left Phoenix. The last time I had been at my mother’s house, it was Christmastime, and the whole house was covered in snow. It looked pretty, draped
“What we were thinking is that you could go up there and get everything checked out,” Lily said. “Make sure everything is fine before Ma goes back.”
I stood staring at them both as they looked at me with identical expressions and identical eyes.
“I can’t believe this,” I muttered.
“Now Indie, it’s the least you can do. Really. Do you want me to wind back up in the hospital?” Ma spoke softly so as not to wake Violet, but her voice was stern.
“Ma, they didn’t find anything like that in your system. They said it was rat poison, arsenic, for Chrissakes. Are you guys nuts?” I was shaking, holding my coffee mug, trying not to spill the hot coffee on my hands.
“It’s something in the house, Indie. You didn’t believe them, did you? That I’d do this to myself?” Ma scowled at me, and then starting talking to me as if I were a child. “Jesus. Can’t you see that’s just their way of making more money? If they say I’m crazy, then they can hook me up with some billiondollar-an-hour psychiatrist friend of theirs up in Mountainview and convince my entire family and maybe even me that I’m losing my marbles, and for the rest of my life I spend all of my money and most of my time hoping they’ll cure me. It makes a hell of a lot more sense if I spend my money getting the mess your father made of the house cleaned up. That’s the only cure I need.”
I looked at Lily. She was leaning against the sink, one arm crossed across her waist, the other hand holding a coffee cup.
“What do you think of this?” I asked Lily, furious.
“I think it’s a good idea,” she said, shrugging, revealing absolutely nothing. “Ma can stay here with me until you’ve made sure the house is okay. Then she can go home, and you can go home, too.”
“Wonderful,” I seethed. “Of course, we won’t worry about what this so-called deathtrap will do to me.”
“Indie, don’t be ridiculous. Environmental toxicity is cumulative. Spending a week in the house is not going to have the same effect as thirty years, now is it?” Ma smiled.
“Fine,” I said, setting my coffee cup on the counter and raising my arms in defeat.
The shuttle to Mountainview was almost empty. I put my suitcase under my seat and leaned my head against the window. Rich was standing outside, waving sadly. I felt bad leaving him there with Ma and Lily, but I couldn’t have stayed another second in that house. I figured I would get to Mountainview, go through the motions of getting the house checked, and then go home. I didn’t care about proving Ma wrong. She’d have some sort of explanation for anything the inspectors did or didn’t find. As the bus pulled away from the curb and then onto the freeway, I was glad that I was making this trip alone. I might even be able to turn it into some sort of vacation. This time of year in Mountainview wasn’t so different from Echo Hollow. The aspen leaves would be gold and there might be a dusting of snow up on the mountain. I could take long walks, maybe start writing something, visit some old friends. It wouldn’t be so bad, going home.
The bulk of the trip from Phoenix to Mountainview is through the desert. Uneventful for the eye, and colorless. Paloverde, yuccas, and saguaros standing in clusters or alone. Cactus wrens swarming around flowers wilted and gone to seed. I know the desert is very much alive, even in autumn when everything appears dead. But through the window on the way to my childhood home, all I saw was a stationary landscape and all of the colors of barren.
TWO
I had not been to the Mountainview house in almost five years. The last time I was in Arizona I never left Phoenix. The last time I had been at my mother’s house, it was Christmastime, and the whole house was covered in snow. It looked pretty, draped
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