nurse?”
I grunted and took a seat next to the bed.
“Yeah.”
“She’s very pretty and a total doll. She stopped by to check on me a few days ago, and when I told her I
was bored out of my mind, she showed up with those. I coulda kissed her.” He indicated a thick stack of
magazines off to the side that had pictures of motorcycles and scantily clad women gracing the covers. Man,
she really was sweet. She didn’t have to do that for him.
“She’s something else for sure. I’ve never met a chick that runs so hot and cold. We went to school
together when I was younger.”
He lifted both his eyebrows and shifted his legs under the covers.
“You think it has something to do with when you were a pain-in-the-ass teenager? You used to run your
mouth and not think about it all the time and you had a tendency to act like a little shit when the mood
struck. You and Rule both. Maybe the man is paying for the sins of his younger self.”
I pondered that and inclined my chin at him.
“You look a little better.”
“Better is relative. The pneumonia is on the mend, and they tell me I might make it out of here by the
end of the week. I’m going to have to look at hiring someone for home care, though, because the worst is
yet to come, and I’m not staying in this hospital surrounded by machines, just waiting for the end to sweep
in and take me.”
I frowned and folded my hands together and rested my forearms on my knees.
“How can you sound so matter-of-fact about the fact you’re dying? It rips my fucking guts out and you
talk about it like we’re discussing what to have for dinner.”
“I’ve had longer to get used to the idea than you have, son. I’m sorry that I never could find the right
words to talk to you about it before now. The first time around you were just a little kid and I thought I was
invincible. This time I know none of that holds any water.”
That didn’t make feel any better, but I guess nothing ever would.
“When are you going to tell me how all this happened? How did no one ever think I needed to know the
truth about you and Mom?”
He sighed, which started a round of coughing that had his whole body contorting. I wanted to feel bad
for asking but I needed to know.
“That’s a long story for another place and time. Really I think you should ask your mother about it.”
I threw my big frame back in the chair and glared at him.
“I want the truth and I doubt she even knows what that looks like.”
He clicked his tongue at me and shifted in the bed again. He just looked so frail and so unlike the man
that I had always wanted to emulate. It scared me.
“We are equally accountable for not telling you sooner. She made some bad choices, decided her future
was going to look one way no matter what stood in her path—me, you and anything else. I was grateful for
the time I had with you, and the rest of the boys. Do I wish you had known that you were my kid sooner?
Yes, but I also understand why your mother wanted to keep it a secret for as long as she did. I made some
bad choices along the way as well, Nash.”
“Why did you let her do this to us? To me? My childhood was a nightmare until you got involved.”
He gave me a look I recognized all too well. I saw it on Rule. I saw it on Jet. I saw it on Rome every
time they looked at the women that had captured their hearts forever, so I answered for him.
“You loved her.”
He closed his eyes and slumped down on the pillows piled up behind him.
“Love isn’t something you can negotiate, Nash. When it happens, it becomes everything.”
“Oh, trust me, I know. I’ve been on the losing end of love my entire life.”
“You can’t base love on the experience you had growing up. Loving someone you want to make your
own has a different feeling, a different power than the love you have for family. It’s different and the chains
that bind it can be unbreakable.” His voice cracked and his eyes slid
I grunted and took a seat next to the bed.
“Yeah.”
“She’s very pretty and a total doll. She stopped by to check on me a few days ago, and when I told her I
was bored out of my mind, she showed up with those. I coulda kissed her.” He indicated a thick stack of
magazines off to the side that had pictures of motorcycles and scantily clad women gracing the covers. Man,
she really was sweet. She didn’t have to do that for him.
“She’s something else for sure. I’ve never met a chick that runs so hot and cold. We went to school
together when I was younger.”
He lifted both his eyebrows and shifted his legs under the covers.
“You think it has something to do with when you were a pain-in-the-ass teenager? You used to run your
mouth and not think about it all the time and you had a tendency to act like a little shit when the mood
struck. You and Rule both. Maybe the man is paying for the sins of his younger self.”
I pondered that and inclined my chin at him.
“You look a little better.”
“Better is relative. The pneumonia is on the mend, and they tell me I might make it out of here by the
end of the week. I’m going to have to look at hiring someone for home care, though, because the worst is
yet to come, and I’m not staying in this hospital surrounded by machines, just waiting for the end to sweep
in and take me.”
I frowned and folded my hands together and rested my forearms on my knees.
“How can you sound so matter-of-fact about the fact you’re dying? It rips my fucking guts out and you
talk about it like we’re discussing what to have for dinner.”
“I’ve had longer to get used to the idea than you have, son. I’m sorry that I never could find the right
words to talk to you about it before now. The first time around you were just a little kid and I thought I was
invincible. This time I know none of that holds any water.”
That didn’t make feel any better, but I guess nothing ever would.
“When are you going to tell me how all this happened? How did no one ever think I needed to know the
truth about you and Mom?”
He sighed, which started a round of coughing that had his whole body contorting. I wanted to feel bad
for asking but I needed to know.
“That’s a long story for another place and time. Really I think you should ask your mother about it.”
I threw my big frame back in the chair and glared at him.
“I want the truth and I doubt she even knows what that looks like.”
He clicked his tongue at me and shifted in the bed again. He just looked so frail and so unlike the man
that I had always wanted to emulate. It scared me.
“We are equally accountable for not telling you sooner. She made some bad choices, decided her future
was going to look one way no matter what stood in her path—me, you and anything else. I was grateful for
the time I had with you, and the rest of the boys. Do I wish you had known that you were my kid sooner?
Yes, but I also understand why your mother wanted to keep it a secret for as long as she did. I made some
bad choices along the way as well, Nash.”
“Why did you let her do this to us? To me? My childhood was a nightmare until you got involved.”
He gave me a look I recognized all too well. I saw it on Rule. I saw it on Jet. I saw it on Rome every
time they looked at the women that had captured their hearts forever, so I answered for him.
“You loved her.”
He closed his eyes and slumped down on the pillows piled up behind him.
“Love isn’t something you can negotiate, Nash. When it happens, it becomes everything.”
“Oh, trust me, I know. I’ve been on the losing end of love my entire life.”
“You can’t base love on the experience you had growing up. Loving someone you want to make your
own has a different feeling, a different power than the love you have for family. It’s different and the chains
that bind it can be unbreakable.” His voice cracked and his eyes slid
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