Nan's Journey by Elaine Littau

know.”
    “They trust me and my judgment, Nan. Don’t worry.”
    He was thinking the same thing. They would be ready to horsewhip him if they thought that he had taken advantage of a young girl in his care. How would he tell them? He knew he could never tell them what had happened to her.
    Even though they were good Christian people, they would probably think the same way most people thought of girls who had been treated in such a way.
    Public opinion leaned toward the absurd thought that such a girl was from that point on dirty and unfit to marry. As he looked at the young innocent face questioning him, he determined that no one would ever know how she had been treated by the savage men or about the reasoning behind the unexpected marriage.
    They started moving on the trail down the mountain. His thoughts were clear and hurried.  He would speak to Nan when Elmer slept. He would tell her that they would pretend to share a bed at his parents’ house. He would lie down for a minute and mess up his side of the bed, but sleep the night away on the floor.
    Could she pretend to love him and smile at him the way a new wife would? He would stress to her that her future and the future of her child, if there was a child on the way, would depend on her acting abilities. Could he look at her the same way he looked at Claire? His Ma and Pa wouldn’t expect him to love Nan in the same way.
    He could tell them that he was very fond of Nan and that marriage was the only solution for her safety. They would protest that love was the key ingredient to a good marriage, but he would say that he had already experienced the love of his life and that fondness was better than loneliness.
    Fondness, yes he was very fond of Nan. She was a unique young woman. He noticed that since the attack, she neither felt sorry for herself , nor quit taking care of Elmer. If anything, she had become more nurturing toward both Elmer and Fred. She was grateful that Fred had married her and that he cared about Elmer and her. She had the buffalo robe tucked a round her and Elmer and a heavy- hooded robe over her that covered most of her face.
    He looked in her direction and missed seeing her eyes. As he trudged along in the deep snow, visions of the young girl and her brother crept into his mind. He thought of one of the fishing days of the autumn and how her black hair had been so short. It brushed her chin and gave her the l ook of a mischievous boy. Only…the eyes… yes, her eyes were lively and sparkling.
    He guessed that the fondness began at that moment. He had thought that she was a kid, but he felt a closeness to her begin at that instant. “The twinkling of an eye , ” a mere split second and he felt a kinship grow between them. He heard tell of many a man who had a wife that he could barely tolerate. It wasn’t so bad to have a wife that you liked as a friend. In fact, that might be the best kind of wife to have, that is, since Claire was gone.
    Nan sat quietly as the trail wound down the mountain. Fred was so unusually still that she became uneasy. He was probably dreading the thought of introducing her to his parents as his new wife. She hated to think of him regretting the decision that he had made. He had gone from being a bachelor with no one to take care of to being responsible for two, no three, other people.
    Yes, she was going to have a baby. The thought of it scared her. She hoped that the little one would not remind her of any of the trappers. She was determined not to look for a resemblance. After all, it was not the little baby’s fault that he was on his way. She would have to ask Martha many questions about caring for a baby.
    She wished that she could spend a good many days with Martha, but she knew that the most important thing for now was taking care of Elmer. She didn’t know how to tell Fred about the baby. She should , a fter all, that is the reason that he had married her. Fred was such a good man. He deserved better than her,