to say. “What were you thinking?”
“This,” she said, and kissed me.
28
LATER, WHEN I THOUGHT back to that moment, it felt unreal, but at the time it seemed, if by no means normal, then natural, as if for once everything were working out just like it should. I took her face in my hands and kissed her back. Now that I held her, she seemed so much smaller. Her mouth tasted like sugared strawberries and vermouth. She pushed her body against mine, arms clutching at my neck, and I felt her heart beating in her chest. Breathing hard, we grasped andshoved, as though we were struggling. It was like a slow-motion fight. Her tooth cut my lip and I tasted blood. I pulled back and saw her eyes glitter wildly like a cat’s. Then she shut them and reached her mouth for mine again. We leaned against the tree, blind and unspeaking, and my hands found her body, touched her waist and hips and thighs, her breasts and shoulders and the small of her back, feverish and alive. Then a parade of Asian tourists came around the path. I suppose I hadn’t heard them approaching over the pounding of my own blood in my head. Blushing and panting, hand in hand, we stumbled back down to the car and began grappling again inside. Whispering hoarsely in my ear she told me to look at her and I looked in her eyes, but she pushed me back and pulled up her dress. She wore the things that I saw her buy in the shop, the black stockings, the garter belt, the flimsy triangle of lace split to show her shining wet and pink as her mouth was after my kisses, then red inside like her mouth was, swollen and raw. Touch me, she ordered. Hypnotized, I reached out and touched her pussy just slightly and she flinched and groaned, yelping as if I’d hurt her, and pushed my hand away. She squirmed away and said not here, no please, take me back to the hotel and I started the car and I drove, though once we were moving she grabbed my hand and thrust it between her legs again. I drove like that with one hand, fighting the curves. We went back to the Cliffside Inn and parked around back in the guests’ lot, where the rooms were perched over the cliff, and I could see the sweat gluing her dress to the small of her back as I followed her upstairs to her room. The smell of her hair and perfume was in my nose, the taste of her mouth and my own blood was in my mouth, and the image of how she’d looked with her legs spread in my car was blazing in my brain so brightly I could barely see and I walked right into her as she reached her door. She dropped the key and cursed softly and I picked it up. Shaking, I opened the door and we entered the room, with its tightly made white bed and the white curtain blowing in the open balcony door and beyond that the ocean crashing far below, and I brushed the straps from her shoulders and she slid out of the dressand pulled me toward her, unhooking my belt and yanking at the buttons on my shirt till I took it off over my head, then pushed her back onto the bed while she drew me to her, guiding my hands, and I reached for that little flag of lace, that little veil, and tore it away, and she pulled my pants off and licked my cock and then pulled me toward her, pulled me down saying please and I pushed my cock, wet with her spit, against her wet pussy, and she was saying yes, saying please, saying fuck me and then I was inside her, and she was still saying yes, fuck me, fuck me please, and I pushed harder, forcing myself as deep as I could, and feeling her breath on my face and her nails in my arms and then her teeth in my shoulder, the whole time saying, more, please, fuck me, please. After we finished we laid there for a while in silence and I might have fallen asleep, for an hour or perhaps just for a second. Maybe I just blinked my eyes. But when I opened them it was dark out, the sun was finally gone, and when I turned to kiss her, she was gone too. I sat up, still confused and dim-eyed in the dark, and saw her standing on the balcony,
“This,” she said, and kissed me.
28
LATER, WHEN I THOUGHT back to that moment, it felt unreal, but at the time it seemed, if by no means normal, then natural, as if for once everything were working out just like it should. I took her face in my hands and kissed her back. Now that I held her, she seemed so much smaller. Her mouth tasted like sugared strawberries and vermouth. She pushed her body against mine, arms clutching at my neck, and I felt her heart beating in her chest. Breathing hard, we grasped andshoved, as though we were struggling. It was like a slow-motion fight. Her tooth cut my lip and I tasted blood. I pulled back and saw her eyes glitter wildly like a cat’s. Then she shut them and reached her mouth for mine again. We leaned against the tree, blind and unspeaking, and my hands found her body, touched her waist and hips and thighs, her breasts and shoulders and the small of her back, feverish and alive. Then a parade of Asian tourists came around the path. I suppose I hadn’t heard them approaching over the pounding of my own blood in my head. Blushing and panting, hand in hand, we stumbled back down to the car and began grappling again inside. Whispering hoarsely in my ear she told me to look at her and I looked in her eyes, but she pushed me back and pulled up her dress. She wore the things that I saw her buy in the shop, the black stockings, the garter belt, the flimsy triangle of lace split to show her shining wet and pink as her mouth was after my kisses, then red inside like her mouth was, swollen and raw. Touch me, she ordered. Hypnotized, I reached out and touched her pussy just slightly and she flinched and groaned, yelping as if I’d hurt her, and pushed my hand away. She squirmed away and said not here, no please, take me back to the hotel and I started the car and I drove, though once we were moving she grabbed my hand and thrust it between her legs again. I drove like that with one hand, fighting the curves. We went back to the Cliffside Inn and parked around back in the guests’ lot, where the rooms were perched over the cliff, and I could see the sweat gluing her dress to the small of her back as I followed her upstairs to her room. The smell of her hair and perfume was in my nose, the taste of her mouth and my own blood was in my mouth, and the image of how she’d looked with her legs spread in my car was blazing in my brain so brightly I could barely see and I walked right into her as she reached her door. She dropped the key and cursed softly and I picked it up. Shaking, I opened the door and we entered the room, with its tightly made white bed and the white curtain blowing in the open balcony door and beyond that the ocean crashing far below, and I brushed the straps from her shoulders and she slid out of the dressand pulled me toward her, unhooking my belt and yanking at the buttons on my shirt till I took it off over my head, then pushed her back onto the bed while she drew me to her, guiding my hands, and I reached for that little flag of lace, that little veil, and tore it away, and she pulled my pants off and licked my cock and then pulled me toward her, pulled me down saying please and I pushed my cock, wet with her spit, against her wet pussy, and she was saying yes, saying please, saying fuck me and then I was inside her, and she was still saying yes, fuck me, fuck me please, and I pushed harder, forcing myself as deep as I could, and feeling her breath on my face and her nails in my arms and then her teeth in my shoulder, the whole time saying, more, please, fuck me, please. After we finished we laid there for a while in silence and I might have fallen asleep, for an hour or perhaps just for a second. Maybe I just blinked my eyes. But when I opened them it was dark out, the sun was finally gone, and when I turned to kiss her, she was gone too. I sat up, still confused and dim-eyed in the dark, and saw her standing on the balcony,
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