repent.” Then that must mean… No, I will not let myself think that. But at least a servant has been despatched now to fetch Father. He is away, attending the King on his summer progress. How many days will it be before he reaches us? Oh hurry, Father. Hurry!
Katherine and Mary came to my chamber last night. They climbed into my bed and I tried to comfort them. I pretended that Mother is not as ill as I fear she is. Either they believe me – or they must think me very hard-hearted, for no tears will come. Why cannot I cry when their tears flow so freely?
25 August 1552
Sheen, Richmond
Father returned last night! He rode all the way from Salisbury. His face this morning looked drawn and anxious – as if he had not slept at all. He has spent the day in Mother’s chamber. Now, at last, I am able to cry. I thought I would never stop.
“Oh, Nurse,” I wept, clinging to her. “What if she dies?”
“Hush, my sweeting, she will not die,” Nurse crooned, holding me close. I dug my head into her shoulder. I cannot bear to think of the awful things I have written about Mother. What will I do if she dies?
28 August 1552
Sheen, Richmond
Mother is well enough today to sit up and eat a little food. She has dismissed the physician. Father begged her not to but she says the man is a fool. She is clearly much better! The King will return to Windsor soon and by then Father hopes Mother will be well enough to go to Court. I am not happy to learn that the Duke of Northumberland will be there. He has been away in the north, trying to put down the disorder on the border.
There is an extraordinary rumour, and since it concerns a cousin of mine, it may well be true. It is that Northumberland is trying to force the Earl of Cumberland to marry his daughter Margaret Clifford to the Duke’s only unmarried son, Guildford Dudley – and that the Earl being unwilling he has even got the King to try and persuade him. Is there any limit to the Duke’s ambitions for his family? Or the grip he holds on my poor cousin?
If only a Scots arrow would put an end to him.
1 January 1553
Court
Saw young Barnaby Fitzpatrick, the King’s closest friend, at Court. Barnaby has spent some long time at the court of the French King. He returned only recently and in a low voice told me he is glad he did. His eyes were on the King. They were full of sadness.
I pray that this will be a happy year, but I am as disturbed as Barnaby by Edward’s cough. It racks his body, which has never fully recovered from his illness last year. There could not be a greater contrast than between the two boys. Barnaby so strong and healthy, Edward so thin and pale.
6 February 1553
Court
The Lady Mary arrived in London today. She rests tonight at her house in Clerkenwell. She has come to see the King. It is said she is alarmed by reports of his continued ill health, but he is too unwell to see her today. Mother says this is not a slight, the relationship between brother and sister has improved and the King has granted her lands and money. I wish it was a slight. I cannot rest easily knowing that Edward is not well enough even to receive his sister.
10 February 1553
Court
Today I rode with Mother in the Lady Mary’s train. As we rode down Fleet Street towards Westminster people came out of their houses and shops to watch. Some cheered and I swear I heard a voice cry “God speed Your Grace”. Suddenly I felt frightened – why, I might be riding in the train of the monarch-to-be! And we rode in some state. Two hundred ladies and gentlemen rode behind the Princess. The same courtiers who once threatened her and her followers when she refused to give up the Mass now fawn at her feet. Father and the Duke of Northumberland were amongst the noblemen waiting to greet her at the palace gate. I could not help but notice how they bent their knees to her almost as if she was queen. If I were her I would gloat. But has she noticed how bare the churches are – few of the
Katherine and Mary came to my chamber last night. They climbed into my bed and I tried to comfort them. I pretended that Mother is not as ill as I fear she is. Either they believe me – or they must think me very hard-hearted, for no tears will come. Why cannot I cry when their tears flow so freely?
25 August 1552
Sheen, Richmond
Father returned last night! He rode all the way from Salisbury. His face this morning looked drawn and anxious – as if he had not slept at all. He has spent the day in Mother’s chamber. Now, at last, I am able to cry. I thought I would never stop.
“Oh, Nurse,” I wept, clinging to her. “What if she dies?”
“Hush, my sweeting, she will not die,” Nurse crooned, holding me close. I dug my head into her shoulder. I cannot bear to think of the awful things I have written about Mother. What will I do if she dies?
28 August 1552
Sheen, Richmond
Mother is well enough today to sit up and eat a little food. She has dismissed the physician. Father begged her not to but she says the man is a fool. She is clearly much better! The King will return to Windsor soon and by then Father hopes Mother will be well enough to go to Court. I am not happy to learn that the Duke of Northumberland will be there. He has been away in the north, trying to put down the disorder on the border.
There is an extraordinary rumour, and since it concerns a cousin of mine, it may well be true. It is that Northumberland is trying to force the Earl of Cumberland to marry his daughter Margaret Clifford to the Duke’s only unmarried son, Guildford Dudley – and that the Earl being unwilling he has even got the King to try and persuade him. Is there any limit to the Duke’s ambitions for his family? Or the grip he holds on my poor cousin?
If only a Scots arrow would put an end to him.
1 January 1553
Court
Saw young Barnaby Fitzpatrick, the King’s closest friend, at Court. Barnaby has spent some long time at the court of the French King. He returned only recently and in a low voice told me he is glad he did. His eyes were on the King. They were full of sadness.
I pray that this will be a happy year, but I am as disturbed as Barnaby by Edward’s cough. It racks his body, which has never fully recovered from his illness last year. There could not be a greater contrast than between the two boys. Barnaby so strong and healthy, Edward so thin and pale.
6 February 1553
Court
The Lady Mary arrived in London today. She rests tonight at her house in Clerkenwell. She has come to see the King. It is said she is alarmed by reports of his continued ill health, but he is too unwell to see her today. Mother says this is not a slight, the relationship between brother and sister has improved and the King has granted her lands and money. I wish it was a slight. I cannot rest easily knowing that Edward is not well enough even to receive his sister.
10 February 1553
Court
Today I rode with Mother in the Lady Mary’s train. As we rode down Fleet Street towards Westminster people came out of their houses and shops to watch. Some cheered and I swear I heard a voice cry “God speed Your Grace”. Suddenly I felt frightened – why, I might be riding in the train of the monarch-to-be! And we rode in some state. Two hundred ladies and gentlemen rode behind the Princess. The same courtiers who once threatened her and her followers when she refused to give up the Mass now fawn at her feet. Father and the Duke of Northumberland were amongst the noblemen waiting to greet her at the palace gate. I could not help but notice how they bent their knees to her almost as if she was queen. If I were her I would gloat. But has she noticed how bare the churches are – few of the
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