turned into a boiling inferno. And as much as I wanted to let him explore every inch of me, I just couldn't.
The kiss we had, the way he coiled around my tongue with his; it was electric. I was literally melting inside like hot wax, and he could fucking tell.
I had tried so hard to keep my mind clear and focused, but Levi turned my brain into a sloppy wet mess.
And the little spark set deep inside my gut, the one that I had used to keep myself locked up, and closed off was growing smaller by the minute.
When I finally poured gas back on the fire, it didn't have the impact I wanted it to.
I wanted to feel that safety net, keep myself wrapped behind barbwire. Untouchable to anything or anyone that tried to climb over.
Instead, Levi's face was the flame burning inside me, and that scared the hell out of me.
I knew what was holding me back; fear.
Fear of feeling, fear of loving, fear of losing.
Losing someone close was what kept me bottled up, it kept me safe. If I didn't open the door to anyone else, there was no way I would ever experience that again.
Yes, I still had my parents, and my little sister; all capable of that rapid slash of pain when they were called back to their creator. But I had prepared myself for that, that moment when it was their time.
There was no room left inside me to feel for anyone else. I couldn't give myself to Levi. He might not understand why, but I didn't care.
It wasn't him I needed to protect, it was me.
Rolling to my back, my eyes fell to the picture on my bookshelf. An old tattered photo, that barely made it back into my hands. The corners were ripped, large folds creased across the center image.
And in the middle were two faces; the faces of two innocent children.
It was Kevin and me, taken almost ten years ago. We were thirteen, and you could see in our eyes that we didn't have a care in the world.
Pressing off the bed, I held the curved, hard trim of the mattress. Letting my feet swing freely, I just sank into the picture; the day it was taken, the feeling of complete and utter happiness.
We were fishing, arms wrapped over each others shoulders, holding up our catches from the trip. And the smiles, they were streaming with such ease.
Staring at that image, I could feel my belly warm; feel everything I had felt in that moment. It was like it had just happened, like that picture was taken days ago instead of years ago.
Before Kevin was gone, before I lost the one and only person who ever truly understood me; I knew what happiness was, and I embraced it.
Now... Now I just wanted to forget it ever existed.
A part of me felt like it was wrong for me to be happy, or to love. It's so much easier to feel nothing. When there's nothing to feel, there's nothing that hurts. And I still haven't stopped hurting from the loss that took our family by storm.
Closing my eyes tight, Levi hung brightly behind the curtain; his broad shoulders that wrapped my body perfectly, the tender touch of his lips as they met mine.
My throat began to seal shut, the intense tingles that hit me in the core just thinking about our kiss made it hard to breathe. I wanted to give myself to him, let his cock penetrate me as deep as it could go.
There was something about him that was sticking in my head, and I couldn't force him out. The way his chest rippled with vigor when he moved, he was a magnet to my fingers. Every digit wanted to stroke his abs, curl tightly over the engorged ridges of inviolable muscle.
I need some air. There's too much going on in my head.
Thinking had become difficult lately. I had Vito barking up my ass for the money my brother owed him, Levi tugging on the emotions I had tucked away a very long time ago, and it was becoming too much to handle.
Love was something I wanted to forget, connecting with another human being was something I wanted to avoid.
Kevin had been my best friend, someone I could confide in, someone I could trust. And when everything came out, the debt, the
The kiss we had, the way he coiled around my tongue with his; it was electric. I was literally melting inside like hot wax, and he could fucking tell.
I had tried so hard to keep my mind clear and focused, but Levi turned my brain into a sloppy wet mess.
And the little spark set deep inside my gut, the one that I had used to keep myself locked up, and closed off was growing smaller by the minute.
When I finally poured gas back on the fire, it didn't have the impact I wanted it to.
I wanted to feel that safety net, keep myself wrapped behind barbwire. Untouchable to anything or anyone that tried to climb over.
Instead, Levi's face was the flame burning inside me, and that scared the hell out of me.
I knew what was holding me back; fear.
Fear of feeling, fear of loving, fear of losing.
Losing someone close was what kept me bottled up, it kept me safe. If I didn't open the door to anyone else, there was no way I would ever experience that again.
Yes, I still had my parents, and my little sister; all capable of that rapid slash of pain when they were called back to their creator. But I had prepared myself for that, that moment when it was their time.
There was no room left inside me to feel for anyone else. I couldn't give myself to Levi. He might not understand why, but I didn't care.
It wasn't him I needed to protect, it was me.
Rolling to my back, my eyes fell to the picture on my bookshelf. An old tattered photo, that barely made it back into my hands. The corners were ripped, large folds creased across the center image.
And in the middle were two faces; the faces of two innocent children.
It was Kevin and me, taken almost ten years ago. We were thirteen, and you could see in our eyes that we didn't have a care in the world.
Pressing off the bed, I held the curved, hard trim of the mattress. Letting my feet swing freely, I just sank into the picture; the day it was taken, the feeling of complete and utter happiness.
We were fishing, arms wrapped over each others shoulders, holding up our catches from the trip. And the smiles, they were streaming with such ease.
Staring at that image, I could feel my belly warm; feel everything I had felt in that moment. It was like it had just happened, like that picture was taken days ago instead of years ago.
Before Kevin was gone, before I lost the one and only person who ever truly understood me; I knew what happiness was, and I embraced it.
Now... Now I just wanted to forget it ever existed.
A part of me felt like it was wrong for me to be happy, or to love. It's so much easier to feel nothing. When there's nothing to feel, there's nothing that hurts. And I still haven't stopped hurting from the loss that took our family by storm.
Closing my eyes tight, Levi hung brightly behind the curtain; his broad shoulders that wrapped my body perfectly, the tender touch of his lips as they met mine.
My throat began to seal shut, the intense tingles that hit me in the core just thinking about our kiss made it hard to breathe. I wanted to give myself to him, let his cock penetrate me as deep as it could go.
There was something about him that was sticking in my head, and I couldn't force him out. The way his chest rippled with vigor when he moved, he was a magnet to my fingers. Every digit wanted to stroke his abs, curl tightly over the engorged ridges of inviolable muscle.
I need some air. There's too much going on in my head.
Thinking had become difficult lately. I had Vito barking up my ass for the money my brother owed him, Levi tugging on the emotions I had tucked away a very long time ago, and it was becoming too much to handle.
Love was something I wanted to forget, connecting with another human being was something I wanted to avoid.
Kevin had been my best friend, someone I could confide in, someone I could trust. And when everything came out, the debt, the
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