do?”
“There were four teams and
we came in second by only a point.”
“Oh darn.”
“I told you you were our
good luck charm.” I couldn’t look at Chad so I looked at the floor. “Lizzie, is
something wrong?” Chad leaned down to look at my face. A tear rolled down my
cheek and I brushed it away. “Hey, what is it?”
I took Chad’s hand and led
him to the couch. I rested my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands in front of
me.
“Lizzie? What’s wrong?”
“We can’t go out anymore,”
I said, looking at the floor.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m so sorry, Chad.”
“What’s going on? What are
you sorry for?
“I didn’t mean to lead you
on,” I whispered.
“Just tell me what you’re
talking about.”
“We weren’t dating
exclusively,” I said. “I mean, we never said we were only dating each other,
right?” Somehow I wanted him to believe that I hadn’t been disloyal.
Just heartless.
“I guess that’s true,” he
said.
“I’ve been dating someone
else, too. And he doesn’t want me to see you anymore.” I nearly choked on the
words. I forced myself to look up at Chad’s face. He looked stunned.
“Is this what you want?”
he finally asked.
I nodded at first and then
I shrugged my shoulders. I realized it was a confusing gesture but it took me a
moment before I could speak. “I think it is. Chad, please don’t hate me.
Please.”
Chad put his arms around
me and I cried into his shoulder. When I finally pulled away, I could see his
eyes were sad and red-rimmed.
Chad shook his head. “Lizzie,
I could never hate you.”
“I feel so bad.”
“Yeah. Me, too.” That only
made me feel worse and fresh tears started.
“I’m so sorry, Chad. You
have no idea how sorry I am.”
“Hey, no more crying.” He
wiped my tears, stood up and walked to the door. “Be happy, Lizzie. If this is
what you want, you don’t have any reason to be sad.”
I nodded but I couldn’t
speak. Chad closed the door quietly behind him.
WHEN THE DOOR closed, I hurried
to the window and watched Chad walk slowly down the sidewalk to his car. I was
sure I was doing the right thing. So why was my heart breaking? I wanted to
run after him and tell him I didn’t mean it. Why couldn’t we just be friends?
If I hadn’t let him kiss me, I could have assured Matt that Chad was just a
good friend. I wouldn’t have had to give him up entirely. But I had let him
kiss me. And I’d kissed him back. It was too late to pretend we could hang out
without it meaning anything.
I bit my lip to keep it
from quivering. This was the right thing to do. Chad was too good to toy with
and my mind was made up.
It had been made up since
I was sixteen.
Chad sat in his car for
several minutes. I couldn’t see his face, just his hands resting on the
steering wheel. When he finally pulled out of the parking lot, I dried my tears
and headed for the kitchen.
Usually when I was upset I
liked to clean, but the kitchen was spotless, so instead I made a mess. A big
chocolate chip cookie mess that I didn’t clean up until the next day.
I’d made a monumental
effort to look good for the Oregon National Bank Christmas party. Actually, I
made the effort for Matt and I hoped he would notice. Janessa and I had found a
perfect charcoal gray lace dress. The elbow-length sleeves and waist were
fitted and the full skirt fell just below the knee. Wine-red tights and pewter
ballet slippers finished the look. Janessa helped me with makeup, including
darker eyes and brighter lips than I was accustomed to. We left my hair loose
and curly.
I knew I looked pretty when
I opened the door. I resisted the urge to twirl—the skirt was so perfectly full
it was made for twirling. Matt looked me over, but didn’t say anything. He just
put out his arm for me to take. I berated myself for wanting his compliments. I
knew I looked good. That should be enough, right? So why did I let Matt make me
feel self-conscious when he withheld
“There were four teams and
we came in second by only a point.”
“Oh darn.”
“I told you you were our
good luck charm.” I couldn’t look at Chad so I looked at the floor. “Lizzie, is
something wrong?” Chad leaned down to look at my face. A tear rolled down my
cheek and I brushed it away. “Hey, what is it?”
I took Chad’s hand and led
him to the couch. I rested my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands in front of
me.
“Lizzie? What’s wrong?”
“We can’t go out anymore,”
I said, looking at the floor.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m so sorry, Chad.”
“What’s going on? What are
you sorry for?
“I didn’t mean to lead you
on,” I whispered.
“Just tell me what you’re
talking about.”
“We weren’t dating
exclusively,” I said. “I mean, we never said we were only dating each other,
right?” Somehow I wanted him to believe that I hadn’t been disloyal.
Just heartless.
“I guess that’s true,” he
said.
“I’ve been dating someone
else, too. And he doesn’t want me to see you anymore.” I nearly choked on the
words. I forced myself to look up at Chad’s face. He looked stunned.
“Is this what you want?”
he finally asked.
I nodded at first and then
I shrugged my shoulders. I realized it was a confusing gesture but it took me a
moment before I could speak. “I think it is. Chad, please don’t hate me.
Please.”
Chad put his arms around
me and I cried into his shoulder. When I finally pulled away, I could see his
eyes were sad and red-rimmed.
Chad shook his head. “Lizzie,
I could never hate you.”
“I feel so bad.”
“Yeah. Me, too.” That only
made me feel worse and fresh tears started.
“I’m so sorry, Chad. You
have no idea how sorry I am.”
“Hey, no more crying.” He
wiped my tears, stood up and walked to the door. “Be happy, Lizzie. If this is
what you want, you don’t have any reason to be sad.”
I nodded but I couldn’t
speak. Chad closed the door quietly behind him.
WHEN THE DOOR closed, I hurried
to the window and watched Chad walk slowly down the sidewalk to his car. I was
sure I was doing the right thing. So why was my heart breaking? I wanted to
run after him and tell him I didn’t mean it. Why couldn’t we just be friends?
If I hadn’t let him kiss me, I could have assured Matt that Chad was just a
good friend. I wouldn’t have had to give him up entirely. But I had let him
kiss me. And I’d kissed him back. It was too late to pretend we could hang out
without it meaning anything.
I bit my lip to keep it
from quivering. This was the right thing to do. Chad was too good to toy with
and my mind was made up.
It had been made up since
I was sixteen.
Chad sat in his car for
several minutes. I couldn’t see his face, just his hands resting on the
steering wheel. When he finally pulled out of the parking lot, I dried my tears
and headed for the kitchen.
Usually when I was upset I
liked to clean, but the kitchen was spotless, so instead I made a mess. A big
chocolate chip cookie mess that I didn’t clean up until the next day.
I’d made a monumental
effort to look good for the Oregon National Bank Christmas party. Actually, I
made the effort for Matt and I hoped he would notice. Janessa and I had found a
perfect charcoal gray lace dress. The elbow-length sleeves and waist were
fitted and the full skirt fell just below the knee. Wine-red tights and pewter
ballet slippers finished the look. Janessa helped me with makeup, including
darker eyes and brighter lips than I was accustomed to. We left my hair loose
and curly.
I knew I looked pretty when
I opened the door. I resisted the urge to twirl—the skirt was so perfectly full
it was made for twirling. Matt looked me over, but didn’t say anything. He just
put out his arm for me to take. I berated myself for wanting his compliments. I
knew I looked good. That should be enough, right? So why did I let Matt make me
feel self-conscious when he withheld
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