tainted.
I go out to the garage and get a few boxes. It’s sad to think I’ve lived here for the past five years and all my stuff can fit in a few boxes. Nothing in this house belongs to me. That should’ve been my first clue. I should’ve pushed for us to get a new house, make a new home for us, but I was afraid to rock the boat. I shouldn’t have lived that like. It’ wasn't fair to her or me.
With the boxes in hand I start in the bedroom. My bathroom essentials are easily packed in an overnight bag. I bring out my suitcase and pack my clothes, clearing out my side of the closet.
I try not to get emotional when packing, but lose it when I come across the engagement ring I bought her, but never found the time to slip onto her finger. Maybe if I had, she’d be here with me now. I can’t believe I was so stupid.
I finish packing, stopping in Noah’s room. I just need to look around and feel his presence. I’m going to miss him. I run back to the bedroom and take the picture of Noah sitting on the dresser and take it with me. It’s not enough, but will have to do since I won’t be in his life anymore.
He must hate me. He should. I hate myself for walking out on him, but I have no doubt he’s being well taken care of. Liam, with his never-ending bank account, and Josie – the most resilient woman I know – leave no question in my mind that Noah is well cared for and that’s all I can ask.
I should call. I’ve tried. I’ve picked up the phone a few times and dialed their number only to hang up before it rings. I guess I don’t want to know if they’re still living in her house, the house we shared as family. I don’t want to know that she’s moved on and erased the happy memories that we all shared. I’m not sure how I’d deal with that knowledge. Some things are better left unknown.
I dress in my usual khaki shorts and an Under Armour polo shirt and slip on my worn-out Nikes. I’m going to need to order some new clothes soon; these have seen better days. The dirt and harsh water really do a number on your clothes after a while. The walk to the clinic from our dorm is short and for me a luxury. It gives me ample time to converse with the residents and greet the children as they do their daily chores.
My life as a doctor is fulfilling, but it wasn’t until I came to Africa that I finally found peace with who I am as an individual. The people here are beyond grateful for anything that I can do for them and I am indebted to them simply because they trust me with their most precious commodity – their children.
The temperature doesn’t change when I walk into the clinic. The air inside is just as stifling as out, but with the added smell of antiseptic. Aubrey, our newest staff member, has her back turned to me. I take a moment and look her over. I’ve tried not to stare like the other doctors, but it’s hard not to. She’s been the subject of my dreams lately even though I try not to think about her in that way. It’s hard not to gawk, she’s one of those natural beauties that other women strive to look like. I know a few of Josie and Katelyn’s friends pay a lot of money to have Aubrey’s blond hair and her eyes, blue like the ocean and full of life when she smiles.
I shouldn’t be attracted to her. It’s wrong. She’s my co-worker and a friend, and I can’t afford to be anything more to her. I watch as she talks to one of the other nurses, she throws her head back and laughs and I wish I knew what they were talking about.
From the day that Aubrey arrived I tried not to be in the same room with her but it was unavoidable. We work together a lot and it’s the subtle brushes of our skin when we pass over a patient, the coy looks and shy smiles that make my knees buckle. She’s nothing like Josie. Aubrey is petite, barely five foot three. I must look like the jolly green giant standing next to her.
Aubrey turns toward the waiting room and sees me. Her reaction is instant. I
I go out to the garage and get a few boxes. It’s sad to think I’ve lived here for the past five years and all my stuff can fit in a few boxes. Nothing in this house belongs to me. That should’ve been my first clue. I should’ve pushed for us to get a new house, make a new home for us, but I was afraid to rock the boat. I shouldn’t have lived that like. It’ wasn't fair to her or me.
With the boxes in hand I start in the bedroom. My bathroom essentials are easily packed in an overnight bag. I bring out my suitcase and pack my clothes, clearing out my side of the closet.
I try not to get emotional when packing, but lose it when I come across the engagement ring I bought her, but never found the time to slip onto her finger. Maybe if I had, she’d be here with me now. I can’t believe I was so stupid.
I finish packing, stopping in Noah’s room. I just need to look around and feel his presence. I’m going to miss him. I run back to the bedroom and take the picture of Noah sitting on the dresser and take it with me. It’s not enough, but will have to do since I won’t be in his life anymore.
He must hate me. He should. I hate myself for walking out on him, but I have no doubt he’s being well taken care of. Liam, with his never-ending bank account, and Josie – the most resilient woman I know – leave no question in my mind that Noah is well cared for and that’s all I can ask.
I should call. I’ve tried. I’ve picked up the phone a few times and dialed their number only to hang up before it rings. I guess I don’t want to know if they’re still living in her house, the house we shared as family. I don’t want to know that she’s moved on and erased the happy memories that we all shared. I’m not sure how I’d deal with that knowledge. Some things are better left unknown.
I dress in my usual khaki shorts and an Under Armour polo shirt and slip on my worn-out Nikes. I’m going to need to order some new clothes soon; these have seen better days. The dirt and harsh water really do a number on your clothes after a while. The walk to the clinic from our dorm is short and for me a luxury. It gives me ample time to converse with the residents and greet the children as they do their daily chores.
My life as a doctor is fulfilling, but it wasn’t until I came to Africa that I finally found peace with who I am as an individual. The people here are beyond grateful for anything that I can do for them and I am indebted to them simply because they trust me with their most precious commodity – their children.
The temperature doesn’t change when I walk into the clinic. The air inside is just as stifling as out, but with the added smell of antiseptic. Aubrey, our newest staff member, has her back turned to me. I take a moment and look her over. I’ve tried not to stare like the other doctors, but it’s hard not to. She’s been the subject of my dreams lately even though I try not to think about her in that way. It’s hard not to gawk, she’s one of those natural beauties that other women strive to look like. I know a few of Josie and Katelyn’s friends pay a lot of money to have Aubrey’s blond hair and her eyes, blue like the ocean and full of life when she smiles.
I shouldn’t be attracted to her. It’s wrong. She’s my co-worker and a friend, and I can’t afford to be anything more to her. I watch as she talks to one of the other nurses, she throws her head back and laughs and I wish I knew what they were talking about.
From the day that Aubrey arrived I tried not to be in the same room with her but it was unavoidable. We work together a lot and it’s the subtle brushes of our skin when we pass over a patient, the coy looks and shy smiles that make my knees buckle. She’s nothing like Josie. Aubrey is petite, barely five foot three. I must look like the jolly green giant standing next to her.
Aubrey turns toward the waiting room and sees me. Her reaction is instant. I
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