Murder at Breakfast by Steve Demaree Page A

same reason for wanting
Mrs. Higgins out of the way, Hilda Winters, who was supposed to be the victim’s
best female friend, and Elaine Jewell, who was on the premises, and lives in
the apartment next to the victim. Also, there’s a neighbor, as in an old biddy
who lives in a house next to the apartment building. Her name is Hazel Allnut,
and I’d like to  find  some  way  to put her away for twenty years or so. She
was in the building on the day of the murder, but supposedly not at the time of
the murder. Still, she needs looking into. The other two residents, the ones who
supposedly are away, are Imogene Ingram and Vera Davis.”
    I
finished, but heard nothing but silence on the other end of the phone.
    “You
still there, Sam.”
    “Sure
am, Cy. Just let me know when to start writing.”
    “Very
funny. Oh, take your time. I won’t need any of this before noon.”
    “That
shouldn’t be a problem, Cy. I’ll call you in a few weeks to let you know what
day before noon it will be. By the way, is it true what I heard about Lou? Did
he really have to go out and buy a complete new wardrobe because nothing he
owned still fit him?”
    “I’m
sorry to say it is, Sam. He’s fallen off so much that all that’s left is skin
and bones.”
    “To
tell the truth, Cy, that’s all that’s left of you and me, too. It’s just that
you have a lot more skin and bones than Lou does. And of course most of our
weight is water. It looks like you’re retaining more water than Lou is now.
Maybe you can sneak over to his apartment some night and give him an IV.”
    “Sounds
like a plan, and maybe I can steal his Wii Fit while I’m there.”
    “Want
to get in some extra workouts, do you, Cy?”

13
     
     
    I
hung up as soon as I could. I couldn’t stand to hear that three-letter word any
longer. I called Lou to let him know I was on my way to pick him up for breakfast.
His voice sounded weaker.
    I
plucked my keys from where I keep them each night and opened the back door to
leave. I used to leave by the front door, but I found out that I could
sometimes sneak out the back door and zip out of my driveway before my neighbor
spotted me. I looked around, saw nothing. The sun was up. It looked like
another good day. Well, it would have been if I could have gone out to eat with
the friend I used to have and then come home to read and nap before going out
again for lunch.
    I
think I whistled on my way to say good morning to Lightning. I was about to
slide my key into the lock, when I heard a vulture-like “Surprise” from the
other side of my car, and an accompanying bark. I pulled my gun from my
holster. Only my quickness of hand kept me from putting a bullet hole through
Lightning’s driver-side window.
    “Miss
Humphert, how many times have I told you that sneaking up on a policeman is not
conducive to living a long life?”
    “I’m
sorry, Cyrus, I’m just so excited this morning. I caught the hint you left me
the other day, and I went out and bought us something.”
    I
looked up, terrified. My neighbor stood holding something that hardened my
arteries almost as much as she did. I couldn’t believe that God would punish me
like that. And I had even prayed before I left the house. My neighbor stood
holding a couple of boxes with the letters “W i i” on them, and one of them
also had the letters “F i t.” I was so overcome that I failed to notice that
her rat had untied my shoelaces. Even the dog knew you don’t step on a Wii
board with shoes on.
    “Cyrus,
our very own Wii. Just for the two of us.”
    “And
I hope that you and Muffy are happy with it.”
    “It’s
Twinkle Toes, Cyrus. You know that. You wouldn’t believe how excited Twinkle
Toes was when I showed her the Wii yesterday. She knew it was for her Cyrus,
the man whose toes she’ll lick as he Wiis. Oh, Cyrus, can we get started now?”
    I
stood there, wondering if I could plead justifiable homicide and get away with
it.
    “You
may get started now.