needed to, I truly wanted to take care of James. He had spent so many years alone and feeling like he had no one he could depend on, but that had all changed when we began building our life. I wouldn’t fail Jamie now, when he needed me most. Period. I would break down later. When I was certain Jamie was okay; when we were home; when Emma was taken care of. And then there was Aubrey. Gods! Before Aubrey was born, Ava and Matt had asked if they could name me and Jamie her legal guardians if anything ever happened to them, and naturally, we had said yes, but I had never believed for a second that fate would actually be cruel enough to take Aubrey’s parents from her, especially when she was so very young.
Overwhelmed, I sat down on the bed, burying my face in my hands as a few tears escaped. This was a nightmare . It had to be. How could this be real? How could Matt and Ava be gone? They should have been safely at home, spending time with their little daughter. Instead, their lives were over, and Aubrey would never have any memories of her mother and father. It was wrong. So wrong . And so unfair. I wanted to scream at something or someone, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good, and when I heard the door into the apartment open and close, I drew in a breath and forcibly pulled myself together as best I could. Jamie’s world was about to take a major hit, and I had to be the one to tell him his sister and Matt were gone.
Brushing the tears from my eyes, I didn’t bother to look in the mirror because I knew I looked like hell. One look at me and James would know something was wrong, but that couldn’t be helped now. “I’m in the bedroom.” I called out when I heard Jamie calling for me.
A moment later, smiling brightly as only Jamie could smile, he came into the bedroom, but the moment he saw me, the smile I loved so much faded away. It was like a light going out. Somehow, the world was just too dark without Jamie’s smile, and I struggled to find my voice as he looked away from me to glance at the suitcases still on the bed. Finally, those remarkable eyes looked at me again, and I could see fear and confusion clearly reflected there.
“Pay…?” His voice was a whisper, and I swallowed back a fresh rush of heated tears. “Payne, what’s going on? Are you… please tell me you’re not leaving me.”
It shocked me momentarily that he could imagine such a thing possible, but then I realized how it had to look—the suitcases on the bed and me standing there, obviously upset—and I moved quickly, taking James in my arms, crushing him hard against my chest. I felt him tremble. And then his arms went around my waist and I buried my face in his hair, wishing I could stand like that forever and never do or say anything that would cause him the pain he was about to experience.
“I love you.” The words were muffled, but I knew he heard them. When he trembled again, I tightened my arms around him. “And no, I am not leaving you, James Rogan, and nothing will ever make me leave you, because I wouldn’t have a life without you.”
Despite everything, I knew Jamie still had some fears about being abandoned. His fucked up relationship with Russ often made it difficult for him to believe he deserved love, but I had sworn I would change that, even if it took the rest of our lives. I was committed. To James. To our life. And now he and I would be committed to Aubrey. Just thinking about the little girl ripped viciously at my heart, and I forced myself to pull back from the embrace so I could look down into Jamie’s upturned eyes, which were still darkened with concern.
Taking his hand, I led him to the bed, and he sat down while I knelt in front of him, still holding his hands trapped in mine because I needed the physical contact. “When I got home, there was a message, from Emma, and I….” I blew out a breath. “When I called, she told me there… Jamie, there was an accident today and….” I started to
Overwhelmed, I sat down on the bed, burying my face in my hands as a few tears escaped. This was a nightmare . It had to be. How could this be real? How could Matt and Ava be gone? They should have been safely at home, spending time with their little daughter. Instead, their lives were over, and Aubrey would never have any memories of her mother and father. It was wrong. So wrong . And so unfair. I wanted to scream at something or someone, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good, and when I heard the door into the apartment open and close, I drew in a breath and forcibly pulled myself together as best I could. Jamie’s world was about to take a major hit, and I had to be the one to tell him his sister and Matt were gone.
Brushing the tears from my eyes, I didn’t bother to look in the mirror because I knew I looked like hell. One look at me and James would know something was wrong, but that couldn’t be helped now. “I’m in the bedroom.” I called out when I heard Jamie calling for me.
A moment later, smiling brightly as only Jamie could smile, he came into the bedroom, but the moment he saw me, the smile I loved so much faded away. It was like a light going out. Somehow, the world was just too dark without Jamie’s smile, and I struggled to find my voice as he looked away from me to glance at the suitcases still on the bed. Finally, those remarkable eyes looked at me again, and I could see fear and confusion clearly reflected there.
“Pay…?” His voice was a whisper, and I swallowed back a fresh rush of heated tears. “Payne, what’s going on? Are you… please tell me you’re not leaving me.”
It shocked me momentarily that he could imagine such a thing possible, but then I realized how it had to look—the suitcases on the bed and me standing there, obviously upset—and I moved quickly, taking James in my arms, crushing him hard against my chest. I felt him tremble. And then his arms went around my waist and I buried my face in his hair, wishing I could stand like that forever and never do or say anything that would cause him the pain he was about to experience.
“I love you.” The words were muffled, but I knew he heard them. When he trembled again, I tightened my arms around him. “And no, I am not leaving you, James Rogan, and nothing will ever make me leave you, because I wouldn’t have a life without you.”
Despite everything, I knew Jamie still had some fears about being abandoned. His fucked up relationship with Russ often made it difficult for him to believe he deserved love, but I had sworn I would change that, even if it took the rest of our lives. I was committed. To James. To our life. And now he and I would be committed to Aubrey. Just thinking about the little girl ripped viciously at my heart, and I forced myself to pull back from the embrace so I could look down into Jamie’s upturned eyes, which were still darkened with concern.
Taking his hand, I led him to the bed, and he sat down while I knelt in front of him, still holding his hands trapped in mine because I needed the physical contact. “When I got home, there was a message, from Emma, and I….” I blew out a breath. “When I called, she told me there… Jamie, there was an accident today and….” I started to
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