Mistletoe & Bastards by Lindy Dale Page B

her senses. Kirby did need the money. Her
severance package from David Jones wouldn’t last forever.
    “Can I do
whatever theme I, like, want then?” Kirby asked. “‘Cause I have
this totally awesome idea that I saw on Kirstie’s Handmade
Christmas .”
    Sasha
straightened, putting her coffee cup back in its saucer. Her eyes
began to sparkle like it already was Christmas. “Was that the
episode with the mince pies and the jewel-encrusted Christmas
crackers?”
    “No, the card
episode.”
    “Oh yes, yes.”
Millie gushed. “I loved those invites, not that we have time for
them or the cake, I’ll just send out a text to everyone. But the
tree…I haven’t done a tree yet. We could do that! And those cute
decorations Kirstie did.”
    “It’ll be
glorious.”
    “Like, totally
magical. I have the picture in my head already. Have you considered
like, fake snow? A snow machine?”
    Baffled. That
was the only word to describe my feelings at what I was hearing
from my three best friends. Baffled. When had they turned into
women who watched inane TV shows about making stuff? When did they
even have time for that?
    I had to put a
stop to this before we became the laughing stock of, well, the
entire world. “Stop. Stop Now.”
    There was
silence.
    “Listen to
yourselves. You can’t be fucking serious.”
    Yes, I know I
was sounding more and more like a party pooper but, honestly, it
was bad enough they were making me do Christmas. Did I have to
suffer talk about craft as well? And snow machines?
    “Have you
forgotten that there’s a perfectly good Christmas shop in David
Jones which has perfectly acceptable Christmas items? Jesus, Kirby.
It’s twenty metres from where you used to work!”
    “I love the
handmade touch. And I totally have the time.” Kirby exclaimed.
“It’ll be, like, awesome fun!”
    “As would
helping Millie pick out crystal snowdrops from David Jones.
Tasteful, classy snowdrops.”
    Three sets of
eyes turned in my direction, their glares giving me the impression
that the only thing they’d be doing with crystal Christmas
ornaments would involve my chest and a couple of stabbing
motions.
    Shit. Even I
knew when it was time to back down and being confronted by a
pregnant woman, a girl who’d almost stabbed her husband with a BBQ
fork and one who looked more innocent than Barbie but clearly
wasn’t, was definitely that time. I held up my hands in defeat.
    “Okay. Okay. So
when’s this fabulous night going to be then?”
    “Friday’s good
for me,” Sasha replied, her face breaking into a grin.
    “Me too,” said
Millie. “That gives me a few days to get the food organised. It can
be a practise for Christmas day. We’re having the family over.”
    Kirby nodded.
“I’ll, like, email everyone about who to buy their Secret Santa
gift for. I can draw them out of a hat. And I’ll get started on the
decorations, like, straight away. Is Thursday okay for the set up,
Millie? I’m free in the afternoon. Ohmigod, this is like going to
be so much fun—”
    About as much
fun as having Womble trying to shag you. Though at this point,
sleeping with Womble was a more favourable option than attending a
Christmas party with homemade touches.
    “—Shall we say
fifty for the gift?”
    “Let’s make it
a hundred,” Millie said.
    “A hundred!” I
spluttered. Now, they were being insane. “What happens if I get
Womble as my recipient? I can’t spend a hundred dollars on him.
He’s an imbecile. He’d think I was trying to get into his pants.
You know how obsessed he becomes if he gets any form of positive
attention.”
    “Hmm. I could
rig it so Millie gets him, I s’pose. She’s married now. He can’t
think she’s after him now she has Sam.” Kirby whipped out her
Smartphone and made a note for herself.
    “I wouldn’t put
it past him.”
    “Speaking of
lowlife, we’re not inviting that slut Courtney, are we?” Sasha
asked. “Because I’m not having her ruining my Christmas.”
    The